History JustForFun / HeardAnyGoodJokesLately

16th Mar '17 9:23:07 AM nombretomado
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* A scientist named Berade had managed to create a giant, twenty-foot-tall pig. The problem was that the pig's breath was horrible. He had also, however, managed to create over seventy gorilla clones, and as he tried to replicate his pig experiment, he had the clones feed the pig over a hundred Cloret breath mints. One day, the gorilla on mint duty spilled the mints, so Berade began to beat it with a cane... at which point the clones [[TurnedAgainstTheirMasters rebelled]]. The police report said... [[TheMusicMan "Seventy-six strong clones fed the pig Berade, with a hundred and ten Clorets close at hand..."]]

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* A scientist named Berade had managed to create a giant, twenty-foot-tall pig. The problem was that the pig's breath was horrible. He had also, however, managed to create over seventy gorilla clones, and as he tried to replicate his pig experiment, he had the clones feed the pig over a hundred Cloret breath mints. One day, the gorilla on mint duty spilled the mints, so Berade began to beat it with a cane... at which point the clones [[TurnedAgainstTheirMasters rebelled]]. The police report said... [[TheMusicMan [[Theatre/TheMusicMan "Seventy-six strong clones fed the pig Berade, with a hundred and ten Clorets close at hand..."]]
8th Mar '17 5:19:35 AM Ccook1956
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* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his ball. Two duffers happened to pass by and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

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* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his His ball. Two duffers happened to pass by and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"
8th Mar '17 5:16:40 AM Ccook1956
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* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his ball. Two duffers happened to pas sby and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

to:

* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his ball. Two duffers happened to pas sby pass by and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"
8th Mar '17 5:14:48 AM Ccook1956
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* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his ball. Two duffers happened to pas sby and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"
7th Mar '17 4:15:40 PM KaiYves
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* "Mommy, Mommy, is is possible to live without a brain?"
** "I don't know, how old are you?" [[note]] This one probably works better as "Doctor, Doctor!" [[/note]]
7th Mar '17 6:38:51 AM Ccook1956
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* Did you hear about the rock band named 1023 MB? They haven't gotten a gig yet.
26th Feb '17 7:47:11 AM Ccook1956
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* An atheist is lost at sea, floating in a life preserver during a terrible storm. What's worse, a shark is circling around him. In a fit of panic, the atheist shouts out, "God, please help me!" Suddenly, everything stopped—the rain, the wind, the waves, the shark, all frozen in time. The clouds parted and a shaft of light shined. God's voice boomed out "You are an atheist. Why should I help you?" The atheist pleaded, "I'm sorry, God, but that's how I've always believed. If you won't help me, then how about making the shark religious? He may show compassion and not eat me." God pondered it for a moment then said, "Okay. I'll make the shark religious." The clouds closed back up and everything was set in motion once again. The shark circled around a few times then swam up to the atheist. He came up and looked the atheist in the face. The shark then put his fins together, bowed his head and said, "Dear God, thank you for this food I am about to partake..."
26th Feb '17 6:05:23 AM Ccook1956
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* What do gay horses eat?
** (''in mincing voice'') Haaaaayy!
25th Feb '17 4:32:53 PM Ccook1956
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* Knock knock
-->Who's there?\\
Clint Eastwood.\\
Clint Eastwood who?\\
None of your damn business!
25th Feb '17 4:21:07 PM Ccook1956
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* As told by comedian Orson Bean: An old man goes to his doctor and says "I think I'm losing my potency," The doctor asks, "When did you start noticing this?" The old man replies, "Last night and again this morning."

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* As told by comedian Orson Bean: An old man goes to his doctor and says "I think I'm losing my potency," potency." The doctor asks, "When did you start noticing this?" The old man replies, "Last night and again this morning."
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