History JustForFun / HeardAnyGoodJokesLately

25th Aug '16 12:05:26 PM MisterDrBob2
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* An older man calls his three adult children and tells them: "After 35 years, your mother and I can't stand it anymore. We're getting a divorce." Each of his children tell him "Like hell you are! I'm flying out there, and don't you dare do anything rash until I get there." The man goes to his wife and tells her: "Good news, the kids are coming for Christmas, and they're paying their own way!"
17th Aug '16 5:59:47 AM longWriter
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:: The bishop was rather unhappy that the church was getting [[StopHelpingMe this kind of publicity]] so he commanded the preacher to get rid of the donkey.

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:: The bishop was rather unhappy that the church was getting [[StopHelpingMe [[UnwantedAssistance this kind of publicity]] so he commanded the preacher to get rid of the donkey.
2nd Aug '16 7:38:34 PM CamelCase
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*How many violists does it take to change a lightbulb?
**None, they can't go that high.
7th Jul '16 9:18:30 AM gewunomox
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:: TheWho?

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:: TheWho?Music/TheWho?
23rd Jun '16 3:14:40 AM gewunomox
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* StevieWonder had just played an amazing gig, and the crowd was so ecstatic that he asked for requests. A guy shouts "Play a jazz chord" (or that's what it sounded like to Stevie because the crowd was so loud.) So Stevie plays a ten minute solo on the keyboard and the crowd goes wild. Then the same guy says "Play a jazz chord" again, and Stevie does yet another jazzy number. After that the same guy requests a "A jazz chord" again. This time, Stevie says "You do it yourself!" The guy gets on stage and sings "I just called to say I love you"...

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* StevieWonder Music/StevieWonder had just played an amazing gig, and the crowd was so ecstatic that he asked for requests. A guy shouts "Play a jazz chord" (or that's what it sounded like to Stevie because the crowd was so loud.) So Stevie plays a ten minute solo on the keyboard and the crowd goes wild. Then the same guy says "Play a jazz chord" again, and Stevie does yet another jazzy number. After that the same guy requests a "A jazz chord" again. This time, Stevie says "You do it yourself!" The guy gets on stage and sings "I just called to say I love you"...
21st Jun '16 12:33:03 AM gewunomox
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* DireStraits and Chris Rea have teamed up to form a new band. They're called [=DireRea=].

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* DireStraits Music/DireStraits and Chris Rea have teamed up to form a new band. They're called [=DireRea=].
14th Jun '16 8:35:08 PM Geoduck
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* An already-drunken man walks into a bar [[BrickJoke right as two amoeba and a dwarf leave. He is surprised to see the square root of negative one, a pirate, a neutron, a horse, two rabbi, a typoed rabbit, a boy scout, the President, a priest, a pastor, Socrates, Shakespeare, a Jedi, a Bene Gesserit, an UU Wizard, a Brit, two Frenchmen, two Russians (one of them with his pet alligator), a Finn, a Swede, a frayed knot, a vampire, a living sandwich, a living platter of bacon and eggs, a crossover writer, a blind man with his seeing-eye dog, a grasshopper named Steve, a farmer whose cows were waiting outside, a German, a Jew, Kant, Euclid, a duck, three TV show creators, a live scientist, a dead scientist, four seemingly normal men (though one was carrying a roll of tarmac, and another had a hot dog up his nostril), twenty-nine clowns,]] [[OverlyLongGag and possibly even Mr. Anderson.]] The bartender says, "Took ya long enough!"


Added DiffLines:

* An already-drunken man walks into a bar right as two amoeba, a dwarf, a cow and a dog[[note]]or possibly a snake and an owl[[/note]] leave. He is surprised to see [[BrickJoke the square root of negative one, a pirate, a neutron, a horse, two rabbi, a typoed rabbit, a boy scout, the President, a priest, a pastor, Socrates, Shakespeare, a Jedi, a Bene Gesserit, an UU Wizard, a Brit, two Frenchmen, two Russians (one of them with his pet alligator), a Finn, a Swede, a frayed knot, a vampire, a living sandwich, a living platter of bacon and eggs, a crossover writer, a blind man with his seeing-eye dog, a grasshopper named Steve, a farmer whose cows were waiting outside, a German, a Jew, Kant, Euclid, a duck, three TV show creators, a live scientist, a dead scientist, five seemingly normal people (though one guy was carrying a roll of tarmac, and another had a hot dog up his nostril), twenty-nine clowns,]] [[OverlyLongGag and possibly even Mr. Anderson.]] The bartender says, "Took ya long enough!"


5th Jun '16 1:54:43 PM Warriorcatfan123567
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18th May '16 3:54:04 PM TheOneWhoTropes
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* [[{{QI}} How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb?]]

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* [[{{QI}} [[Series/{{QI}} How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb?]]
10th May '16 4:53:45 AM TheOneWhoTropes
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*** "[[MockTheWeek And we appear to have a streaker. No, one of the altar boys has escaped from the vestry!]]"

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*** "[[MockTheWeek "[[Series/MockTheWeek And we appear to have a streaker. No, one of the altar boys has escaped from the vestry!]]"
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