History JustForFun / HeardAnyGoodJokesLately

16th Jul '17 9:51:17 AM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* A few weeks after the end of WW2, a Soviet soldier returns to his parents' farm somewhere in Siberia.

to:

* A few weeks after the end of WW2, [=WW2=], a Soviet soldier returns to his parents' farm somewhere in Siberia.
8th Jul '17 7:55:45 PM oldmanyoshi
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* A mother has three daughters. The first daughter comes to her mother and asks, "Why did you name me Lily?" Her mother tells her, "Because we put Lily petals on your head when you were born." The second daughter comes to her mother and asks, "Why did you name me Rose?" Her mother tells her, "Because we put rose petals on your on head when you were born." The third daughter comes to her mother and says, "SHFHDHDJDBFJSJ." Her mother says, [[TheUnfavorite "Not now, Brick."]]

to:

* A mother has three daughters. The first daughter comes to her mother and asks, "Why did you name me Lily?" Her mother tells her, "Because we put Lily lily petals on your head when you were born." The second daughter comes to her mother and asks, "Why did you name me Rose?" Her mother tells her, "Because we put rose petals on your on head when you were born." The third daughter comes to her mother and says, "SHFHDHDJDBFJSJ." Her mother says, [[TheUnfavorite "Not now, Brick."]]
8th Jul '17 7:53:35 PM oldmanyoshi
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:


* A mother has three daughters. The first daughter comes to her mother and asks, "Why did you name me Lily?" Her mother tells her, "Because we put Lily petals on your head when you were born." The second daughter comes to her mother and asks, "Why did you name me Rose?" Her mother tells her, "Because we put rose petals on your on head when you were born." The third daughter comes to her mother and says, "SHFHDHDJDBFJSJ." Her mother says, [[TheUnfavorite "Not now, Brick."]]
18th Jun '17 6:26:45 PM anonymousAmethyst
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* A bus driver in London stops at a bus stop to see a man with three heads, no arms and one leg. "'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!" the bus driver says "You look 'armless enough, hop aboard!"

to:

* A bus driver in London stops at a bus stop to see a man with three heads, no arms arms, and one leg. "'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!" the bus driver says "You look 'armless enough, hop aboard!"



* Larry the Lobster and Sam the Clam were best friends all their lives. Sadly, while Larry was virtuous and good and ascended to heaven when he died, Sam succumbed to sin and temptation and was banished to hell. Arriving in heaven, Larry was issued his harp, halo and wings. Heaven was great, of course, and Larry spent a few millennia lolling around in perfect bliss on his assigned cloud, but then he started to miss Sam. Finally he went to St. Peter and asked if there was any way he could see Sam again. St. Peter replied that while it was somewhat unusual, it could be done, and issued Larry a day-pass to go down to hell, warning him to be back before it expired. Larry got on the endless escalator and descended into the fiery depths. Arriving in hell, he reunited with Sam, who was happy to see his old friend. It turned out that Sam had done fairly well for himself, working his down through the ranks, and had finally been put in charge of running hell's disco, where the condemned were forced to boogie all through eternity. They went to the disco, and had so much fun that Larry lost track of time. He finally realized he had to go, bid Sam a hasty farewell, and zipped back up the escalator. St. Peter met him at the gate, saying Larry had gotten back just in time, but.. "Larry, where is your harp?" "Oh, no!" cried Larry. "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!!"

to:

* Larry the Lobster and Sam the Clam were best friends all their lives. Sadly, while Larry was virtuous and good and ascended to heaven when he died, Sam succumbed to sin and temptation and was banished to hell. Arriving in heaven, Larry was issued his harp, halo halo, and wings. Heaven was great, of course, and Larry spent a few millennia lolling around in perfect bliss on his assigned cloud, but then he started to miss Sam. Finally Finally, he went to St. Peter and asked if there was any way he could see Sam again. St. Peter replied that while it was somewhat unusual, it could be done, and issued Larry a day-pass to go down to hell, warning him to be back before it expired. Larry got on the endless escalator and descended into the fiery depths. Arriving in hell, he reunited with Sam, who was happy to see his old friend. It turned out that Sam had done fairly well for himself, working his down through the ranks, and had finally been put in charge of running hell's disco, where the condemned were forced to boogie all through eternity. They went to the disco, disco and had so much fun that Larry lost track of time. He finally realized he had to go, bid Sam a hasty farewell, and zipped back up the escalator. St. Peter met him at the gate, saying Larry had gotten back just in time, but..but... "Larry, where is your harp?" "Oh, no!" cried Larry. "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!!"



*** [[WelcomeToCorneria How many NPCs does it take to change a light bulb?]]

to:

*** [[WelcomeToCorneria [[RuleOfThree How many NPCs does it take to change a light bulb?]]



** Beats me. [[BlackComedy No matter how many I toss up to the fixure, they never manage to complete the job.]]

to:

** Beats me. [[BlackComedy No matter how many I toss up to the fixure, fixture, they never manage to complete the job.]]
30th May '17 5:38:36 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** If you get this, you probably read TVTropes too much.

to:

** If you get this, you probably read TVTropes Wiki/TVTropes too much.



The Troper says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when you're away, the wife will assume that you're with the mistress and the mistress will assume you're with your wife, giving you plenty of time to edit TVTropes!"

to:

The Troper says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when you're away, the wife will assume that you're with the mistress and the mistress will assume you're with your wife, giving you plenty of time to edit TVTropes!"
Wiki/TVTropes!"
28th May '17 12:35:19 AM Ccook1956
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:


* How does a woman make her husband roar like a wild animal while making love?
** She calls him on the phone and tells him where she is.
27th May '17 12:25:34 AM Ccook1956
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:


* What do you call a traffic accident report between two trophy wives?
** A Saab story.
22nd May '17 3:38:08 PM Ccook1956
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* How do rednecks count?
** One...two...Earnhardt...four...five...
16th Mar '17 9:23:07 AM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* A scientist named Berade had managed to create a giant, twenty-foot-tall pig. The problem was that the pig's breath was horrible. He had also, however, managed to create over seventy gorilla clones, and as he tried to replicate his pig experiment, he had the clones feed the pig over a hundred Cloret breath mints. One day, the gorilla on mint duty spilled the mints, so Berade began to beat it with a cane... at which point the clones [[TurnedAgainstTheirMasters rebelled]]. The police report said... [[TheMusicMan "Seventy-six strong clones fed the pig Berade, with a hundred and ten Clorets close at hand..."]]

to:

* A scientist named Berade had managed to create a giant, twenty-foot-tall pig. The problem was that the pig's breath was horrible. He had also, however, managed to create over seventy gorilla clones, and as he tried to replicate his pig experiment, he had the clones feed the pig over a hundred Cloret breath mints. One day, the gorilla on mint duty spilled the mints, so Berade began to beat it with a cane... at which point the clones [[TurnedAgainstTheirMasters rebelled]]. The police report said... [[TheMusicMan [[Theatre/TheMusicMan "Seventy-six strong clones fed the pig Berade, with a hundred and ten Clorets close at hand..."]]
8th Mar '17 5:19:35 AM Ccook1956
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his ball. Two duffers happened to pass by and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

to:

* Jesus and Moses were having an argument about who was the better golfer, so they came down to Earth at Augusta National Golf Club to settle their differences. They played up to a water hazard. Jesus sized up His shot with a five-iron. Moses said "You can't hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus hit the ball, which immediately went into the lake. He turned to Moses and said "Uh, can I some help getting my ball back?" Moses grudgingly swung his arms apart, the lake waters parted, and Jesus walked in to get His ball. He put the ball on the tee and sized it up with His five-iron again. Moses spluttered. "You ''cannot'' hit that ball over that lake with a five-iron." Jesus reiterated "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." Jesus swung, and again the ball went into the lake. "Fine," Moses said, "this time get the ball yourself." Jesus proceeded to walk on to of the lake, dipping His club in the water looking for his His ball. Two duffers happened to pass by and were startled to see a man standing on top of the lake. One of them said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?" "No," spluttered Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"
This list shows the last 10 events of 154. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=JustForFun.HeardAnyGoodJokesLately