History JustForFun / HeardAnyGoodJokesLately

17th Apr '18 5:34:20 PM Josef5678
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** Its some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

to:

** Its It's some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.



* How many [[KingdomHearts KH]] characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

to:

* How many [[KingdomHearts KH]] ''Franchise/KingdomHearts'' characters does it take to change a lightbulb?



* How many Pokemon characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

to:

* How many Pokemon Franchise/{{Pokemon}} characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10th Apr '18 11:50:26 AM MasterFuzzy
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* Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it wants to be the scenter of attention!
23rd Feb '18 9:59:41 AM MisterDrBob2
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* This one is perhaps best known via ''{{ComicBook/Watchmen}}'': A man sees a doctor, says that life seems bleak and meaningless. Doctor says "Treatment's simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town, go see him and that'll cheer you right up." Man bursts into tears and wails But Doctor, I ''am'' Pagliacci!"
** Then there's this subversion for those familiar with the joke: Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Go see Orville. Very funny clown." The man asks "What about Pagliacci?" The doctor says "Pagliacci? Man, I could not name a more suckass clown. Just downright dogshit of a clown."
22nd Jan '18 12:10:38 PM MatLShini
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to:

** "[[VideoGame/Uncharted4AThiefsEnd Don't make me leave you here".]]
21st Jan '18 4:25:45 PM KoblerMan
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* [[WebAnimation/KlayWorld What did the robot say to the centipede?]]
** [[AntiHumor Stop being a centipede!]]
*** [[DontExplainTheJoke It's funny because]] [[ComicallyMissingThePoint the robot doesn't have any arms!]]
19th Nov '17 2:53:17 PM Geoduck
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* A multi-part one:
** How do you catch a blue elephant ?
*** Use a blue-elephant trap.
** How do you catch a yellow elephant ?
*** Use a yellow-elephant trap.
** [[RuleOfThree How do you catch a green elephant ?]]
*** [[spoiler: Paint it yellow and use the yellow elephant trap !]]
** How do you catch a purple elephants with pink stripes ?
*** [[spoiler: Come on, you know very well that there is no such thing !]]



* Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
** So they can hide in cherry trees.
* Come on! Who's ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
** See how well it works?!
* Why do elephants have flat feet?
** From jumping out of cherry trees.
* How did Tarzan die?
** He was picking cherries.
* [[OverlyLongGag Why are pygmies so short?]]
** They hang out under cherry trees.
* What is the loudest sound in the Jungle?
** Giraffes eating cherries off the tree.



* How do you pass an elephant under a door?
** Put it inside an envelope and slide it under.
* And what if the envelop doesn't fit?
** Take out the stamp and try again.



* How do you kill a blue elephant?
** With a blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a green elephant?
** Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a pink elephant?
** Paint it green, hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a yellow elephant?
** Tickle it pink, paint it green, hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a purple elephant?
** [[LoopholeAbuse There are no purple elephants.]]
*** [[Series/{{Bones}} That's because they're wrong.]]

* How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
** You open the door and put him in.
* Okay, but how do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
** You open the door, take out the elephant, and put in the giraffe.
* So, the entire animal kingdom is having a big 'ole party. Every single animal is there except for one who doesn't come. Which animal doesn't come?
** The giraffe. You left him in the fridge.
* You're standing on the edge of a river [[ExactWords inhabited]] by man-eating crocodiles. You must cross the river. How do you cross the river?
** You swim. All the crocodiles are at the party.



* What did the elephant do when it sat on Planck's constant?
** It broke the h-bar!



* Why do ducks have flat feet?
** To stamp out forest fires.
* Why do elephants have flat feet?
** To stamp out flaming ducks.



* An [[EldritchAbomination elephant]], a [[TheSmartGuy chicken]], a [[{{Zeerust}} log]], and a [[ImplacableMan spoon]] are in a bathtub together.
** The elephant says to the spoon:
*** "Pass the [[TearJerker soap]], please."
** And the spoon says:
*** "What do you think I am, a [[TimeyWimeyBall microwave]]?!"


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[[folder:Elephant Jokes]]

* A multi-part one:
** How do you catch a blue elephant ?
*** Use a blue-elephant trap.
** How do you catch a yellow elephant ?
*** Use a yellow-elephant trap.
** [[RuleOfThree How do you catch a green elephant ?]]
*** [[spoiler: Paint it yellow and use the yellow elephant trap !]]
** How do you catch a purple elephants with pink stripes ?
*** [[spoiler: Come on, you know very well that there is no such thing !]]

* Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
** So they can hide in cherry trees.
* Come on! Who's ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
** See how well it works?!
* Why do elephants have flat feet?
** From jumping out of cherry trees.
* How did Tarzan die?
** He was picking cherries.
* [[OverlyLongGag Why are pygmies so short?]]
** They hang out under cherry trees.
* What is the loudest sound in the Jungle?
** Giraffes eating cherries off the tree.

* How do you pass an elephant under a door?
** Put it inside an envelope and slide it under.
* And what if the envelope doesn't fit?
** Take out the stamp and try again
.
* How do you kill a blue elephant?
** With a blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a green elephant?
** Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a pink elephant?
** Paint it green, hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a yellow elephant?
** Tickle it pink, paint it green, hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
* How do you kill a purple elephant?
** [[LoopholeAbuse There are no purple elephants.]]
*** [[Series/{{Bones}} That's because they're wrong.]]

* How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
** You open the door and put him in.
* Okay, but how do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
** You open the door, take out the elephant, and put in the giraffe.

* So, the entire animal kingdom is having a big 'ole party. Every single animal is there except for one who doesn't come. Which animal doesn't come?
** The giraffe. You left him in the fridge.
* You're standing on the edge of a river [[ExactWords inhabited]] by man-eating crocodiles. You must cross the river. How do you cross the river?
** You swim. All the crocodiles are at the party.

* What did the elephant do when it sat on Planck's constant?
** It broke the h-bar!

* Why do ducks have flat feet?
** To stamp out forest fires.
* Why do elephants have flat feet?
** To stamp out flaming ducks.

* An [[EldritchAbomination elephant]], a [[TheSmartGuy chicken]], a [[{{Zeerust}} log]], and a [[ImplacableMan spoon]] are in a bathtub together.
** The elephant says to the spoon:
*** "Pass the [[TearJerker soap]], please."
** And the spoon says:
*** "What do you think I am, a [[TimeyWimeyBall microwave]]?!"

[[/folder]]
15th Oct '17 8:56:09 AM SeptimusHeap
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::: [[VideoGame/{{F-Zero}} -ALCON PAWNCH!]]

to:

::: [[VideoGame/{{F-Zero}} [[VideoGame/FZero -ALCON PAWNCH!]]
7th Oct '17 8:29:01 AM aegolius_acadicus
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*"Mommy, Mommy, why do our family members die so fast?"
**"Mommy?"
4th Oct '17 5:23:40 PM VanHohenheimOfXerxes
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[[Memes/TheDarkKnightTrilogy The flight plan I just filed with the agency lists me, my men, Dr. Pavel here, but only one of you!]]

to:

[[Memes/TheDarkKnightTrilogy The flight plan I just filed with the agency lists me, Me, my men, Dr. Pavel here, but only one of you!]]
4th Oct '17 5:18:53 PM VanHohenheimOfXerxes
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* Knock knock
-->Who's there?\\
CIA.\\
CIA who?\\
[[Memes/TheDarkKnightTrilogy The flight plan I just filed with the agency lists me, my men, Dr. Pavel here, but only one of you!]]
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