History Funny / Warbreaker

8th Feb '16 9:47:23 PM DarkStarling
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* Llarimar constantly reminding Lightsong of his godhood and the effects it has.

to:

* Llarimar constantly reminding Lightsong of his godhood and the effects it has.has, though some (such as not being able to go insane) are more serious in context.



** Though that particular instance is more serious, in context.
8th Feb '16 9:46:44 PM DarkStarling
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** Though that particular instance is more serious, especially if you've also read TheNameOfTheWind.


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** Though that particular instance is more serious, in context.
8th Feb '16 9:44:12 PM DarkStarling
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Added DiffLines:

** Though that particular instance is more serious, especially if you've also read TheNameOfTheWind.
5th Dec '15 5:53:07 PM Landis
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** The scripted conversation. All of it. 'Blushweaver says something about politics which is dreadfully boring but she offsets it by wriggling her chest.'

to:

** The scripted conversation. All of it. 'Blushweaver
-->'''Lightsong:''' ''*holds up paper*''
-->'''Blushweaver:''' What is this?\\
'''Lightsong:''' I figured I knew how our conversation would begin, and so I saved us the trouble of writing it out beforehand.\\
'''Blushweaver:''' ''*FascinatingEyebrow*'' "To start, Blushweaver says something that is mildly suggestive." Mildly? I invited you to the bedroom. I'd call that blatant.\\
'''Lightsong:''' I underestimated you. Please, continue.\\
'''Blushweaver:''' "Then Lightsong says something to deflect her. It is so incredibly charming and clever that she is left stunned by his brilliance and cannot speak for several minutes..." Oh, honestly, Lightsong, do I have to read this?\\
'''Lightsong:''' It's a masterpiece. Best work I've ever done. Please, the next part is important.\\
'''Blushweaver:''' "Blushweaver
says something about politics which is dreadfully boring but she offsets it by wriggling wiggling her chest.'"
7th Sep '15 8:10:26 AM Landis
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'''Priestess:''' ''[startled]'' Squirrels, Your Grace?\\

to:

'''Priestess:''' ''[startled]'' [[OhCrap Squirrels, Your Grace?\\Grace?]]\\
13th Jul '15 2:42:34 PM DarkStarling
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** Though context makes this FridgeHorror for anyone whose read TheNameOfTheWind: the main problem of the BigBad is that he is incapable of forgetting, dying, or going insane. Just like Lightsong.
13th Jul '15 2:41:58 PM DarkStarling
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Added DiffLines:

** Though context makes this FridgeHorror for anyone whose read TheNameOfTheWind: the main problem of the BigBad is that he is incapable of forgetting, dying, or going insane. Just like Lightsong.
31st Dec '13 2:07:09 PM ReaderAt2046
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-->'''Lightsong:''' ''[Regarding a game he doesn't actually know the rules to]'' You have to understand the playing field, and learn to get inside the mind of the sphere. Think like it does, reason as it might.\\

to:

-->'''Lightsong:''' ''[Regarding why he's winning a game he doesn't actually know the rules to]'' You have to understand the playing field, and learn to get inside the mind of the sphere. Think like it does, reason as it might.\\
11th Nov '13 8:32:48 PM Discar
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-->'''Lightsong:''' ''[Regarding a game he doesn't actually know the rules to]'' You have to understand the playing field, and learn to get inside the mind of the sphere. Think like it does, reason as it might.
-->'''Lifeblesser:''' Reason like a sphere? What type of reasoning does a wooden sphere do?
-->'''Lightsong:''' The circular type, I should think. And, by coincidence, it is my favorite type as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so good at the game.

to:

-->'''Lightsong:''' ''[Regarding a game he doesn't actually know the rules to]'' You have to understand the playing field, and learn to get inside the mind of the sphere. Think like it does, reason as it might.
-->'''Lifeblesser:'''
might.\\
'''Lifeblesser:'''
Reason like a sphere? What type of reasoning does a wooden sphere do?
-->'''Lightsong:'''
do?\\
'''Lightsong:'''
The circular type, I should think. And, by coincidence, it is my favorite type as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so good at the game.



--->'''Lightsong:''' I've actually considered expanding the theory. I am now proposing to believe that God--or the universe, or time, or whatever--is ''all'' really just a drunk monkey.
--->'''Blushweaver:''' ''[Obviously pushing up her breasts in a seductive fashion]'' And, do you think ''my'' title was chosen by happenstance? Goddess of honesty and [[LoveGoddess interpersonal relations]]. Seems to fit, wouldn't you say?
--->'''Lightsong:''' My dear, did you just try to prove the existence of God with your cleavage?
--->'''Blushweaver:''' You'd be surprised what a good wiggle of the chest can accomplish.
--->'''Lightsong:''' Hum. I'd never considered the theological power of your breasts, my dear. If there were a Church devoted to them, perhaps you'd make a theist out of me after all.

to:

--->'''Lightsong:''' I've actually considered expanding the theory. I am now proposing to believe that God--or the universe, or time, or whatever--is ''all'' really just a drunk monkey.
--->'''Blushweaver:''' ''[Obviously
monkey.\\
'''Blushweaver:''' ''[obviously
pushing up her breasts in a seductive fashion]'' And, do you think ''my'' title was chosen by happenstance? Goddess of honesty and [[LoveGoddess interpersonal relations]]. Seems to fit, wouldn't you say?
--->'''Lightsong:'''
say?\\
'''Lightsong:'''
My dear, did you just try to prove the existence of God with your cleavage?
--->'''Blushweaver:'''
cleavage?\\
'''Blushweaver:'''
You'd be surprised what a good wiggle of the chest can accomplish.
--->'''Lightsong:'''
accomplish.\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Hum. I'd never considered the theological power of your breasts, my dear. If there were a Church devoted to them, perhaps you'd make a theist out of me after all.



-->'''Llarimar:''' You can't go mad. It's impossible.
--> --
-->'''Lightsong:''' I'm sick.
-->'''Llarimar:''' You can't get sick, Your Grace.
-->'''Lightsong:''' (''pretends to cough but Llarimar just rolls his eyes'') Oh come on, can't you just play along a little?
-->'''Llarimar:''' Play along that you are sick? Your Grace, to do that would be to pretend that you're not a god. I do not believe that's a good precedent for your high priest to set.
--> --
-->'''Llarimar:''' You can't get drunk.
-->'''Lightsong:''' Ah, but I certainly enjoy trying.

to:

-->'''Llarimar:''' You can't go mad. It's impossible.
--> --
-->'''Lightsong:'''
impossible.\\
\\
'''Lightsong:'''
I'm sick.
-->'''Llarimar:'''
sick.\\
'''Llarimar:'''
You can't get sick, Your Grace.
-->'''Lightsong:''' (''pretends
Grace.\\
'''Lightsong:''' ''[pretends
to cough but Llarimar just rolls his eyes'') eyes]'' Oh come on, can't you just play along a little?
-->'''Llarimar:'''
little?\\
'''Llarimar:'''
Play along that you are sick? Your Grace, to do that would be to pretend that you're not a god. I do not believe that's a good precedent for your high priest to set.
--> --
-->'''Llarimar:'''
set.\\
\\
'''Llarimar:'''
You can't get drunk.
-->'''Lightsong:'''
drunk.\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Ah, but I certainly enjoy trying.



-->'''Lightsong:''' I was someone ''useful''? I was just beginning to convince myself I'd died in a reasonable way- such as falling off a stump when I was drunk.
-->'''Llarimar:''' You know you died in a brave way, Your Grace.
-->'''Lightsong:''' It could have been a really high stump.

to:

-->'''Lightsong:''' --->'''Lightsong:''' I was someone ''useful''? I was just beginning to convince myself I'd died in a reasonable way- such way--such as falling off a stump when I was drunk.
-->'''Llarimar:'''
drunk.\\
'''Llarimar:'''
You know you died in a brave way, Your Grace.
-->'''Lightsong:'''
Grace.\\
'''Lightsong:'''
It could have been a really high stump.



-->'''[[spoiler:Denth]]: '''[[NoOneCouldSurviveThat He just fell out the third-story window, plummeting toward certain doom.]] [[GenreSavvy Of course he'll live!]]

to:

-->'''[[spoiler:Denth]]: '''[[NoOneCouldSurviveThat -->'''[[spoiler:Denth]]:''' [[NoOneCouldSurviveThat He just fell out the third-story window, plummeting toward certain doom.]] [[GenreSavvy Of course he'll live!]]



-->'''Priestess:''' My pardons, Your Grace, but I have already asked fourteen times. Goddess Allmother is growing impatient with your requests, and she instructed me not to respond to them anymore.
-->'''Lightsong:''' Did she give the same command to the other priestesses?
-->'''Priestess:''' Well, no, Your Grace.
-->'''Lightsong:''' Wonderful, send for one of them. Then send ''her'' to ask Allmother if she will see me (''after the priestess resignedly leaves, he turns to Llarimar'') I'm developing a new skill. Irritation by proxy!

to:

-->'''Priestess:''' My pardons, Your Grace, but I have already asked fourteen times. Goddess Allmother is growing impatient with your requests, and she instructed me not to respond to them anymore.
-->'''Lightsong:'''
anymore.\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Did she give the same command to the other priestesses?
-->'''Priestess:'''
priestesses?\\
'''Priestess:'''
Well, no, Your Grace.
-->'''Lightsong:'''
Grace.\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Wonderful, send for one of them. Then send ''her'' to ask Allmother if she will see me (''after ''[after the priestess resignedly leaves, he turns to Llarimar'') Llarimar]'' I'm developing a new skill. Irritation by proxy!



-->'''Lightsong:''' Hum, she's getting better. Well, I guess there's nothing to be done. Scoot, set up my pavilion here in front of her palace. I'm going to be sleeping here tonight.
-->'''Llarimar:''' You're going to do ''what?''
-->'''Lightsong:''' I'm not moving until I meet with her. That means staying until she acknowledges me. It's been over a week! If she wants to be stubborn, then I'll prove that I can be ''equally'' stubborn. I'm quite practiced at it, you know. Comes from being an insufferable buffoon, and all. I don't suppose she forbade you from allowing squirrels into the building?
-->'''Priestess:''' (''startled'') Squirrels, Your Grace?
-->'''Lightsong:''' Excellent. (''pulls out a Lifeless squirrel and activates it'') Go into the building, search out the Returned who lives in it, and run around in circles squeaking as loudly as you can. Don't let anyone catch you. Oh and destroy as much furniture as you can (''squirrel runs into the building with a horrified priestess chasing after it'') What a delightful afternoon it's becoming!
-->'''Llarimar:''' It wouldn't be able to follow all of those orders. It has the mind of a squirrel.
-->'''Lightsong:''' We shall see (''shouts of annoyance drifts out of the palace and Lightsong smiles, prompting his musicians to play louder'')

to:

-->'''Lightsong:''' --->'''Lightsong:''' Hum, she's getting better. Well, I guess there's nothing to be done. Scoot, set up my pavilion here in front of her palace. I'm going to be sleeping here tonight.
-->'''Llarimar:'''
tonight.\\
'''Llarimar:'''
You're going to do ''what?''
-->'''Lightsong:'''
''what?''\\
'''Lightsong:'''
I'm not moving until I meet with her. That means staying until she acknowledges me. It's been over a week! If she wants to be stubborn, then I'll prove that I can be ''equally'' stubborn. I'm quite practiced at it, you know. Comes from being an insufferable buffoon, and all. I don't suppose she forbade you from allowing squirrels into the building?
-->'''Priestess:''' (''startled'')
building?\\
'''Priestess:''' ''[startled]''
Squirrels, Your Grace?
-->'''Lightsong:'''
Grace?\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Excellent. (''pulls ''[pulls out a Lifeless squirrel and activates it'') it]'' Go into the building, search out the Returned who lives in it, and run around in circles squeaking as loudly as you can. Don't let anyone catch you. Oh and destroy as much furniture as you can (''squirrel ''[squirrel runs into the building with a horrified priestess chasing after it'') it]'' What a delightful afternoon it's becoming!
-->'''Llarimar:'''
becoming!\\
'''Llarimar:'''
It wouldn't be able to follow all of those orders. It has the mind of a squirrel.
-->'''Lightsong:'''
squirrel.\\
'''Lightsong:'''
We shall see (''shouts ''[shouts of annoyance drifts out of the palace and Lightsong smiles, prompting his musicians to play louder'')louder]''



-->'''Allmother:''' (''gestures to the captured squirrel'') This is yours, I am told?
-->'''Lightsong:''' Ah yes, Terribly sorry. It kind of got away from me.
-->'''Allmother:''' With an accidental command to find me? Then run around in circles screaming?
-->'''Lightsong:''' That actually worked? Interesting. My high priest didn't think the squirrel's brain would be capable of following such complicated Commands.
-->'''Allmother:''' -stares-
-->'''Lightsong:''' Oh, I mean, 'Whoops. It completely misunderstood me. Stupid squirrel.' My deepest apologies, honored sister.

to:

-->'''Allmother:''' (''gestures --->'''Allmother:''' ''[gestures to the captured squirrel'') squirrel]'' This is yours, I am told?
-->'''Lightsong:'''
told?\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Ah yes, Terribly sorry. It kind of got away from me.
-->'''Allmother:'''
me.\\
'''Allmother:'''
With an accidental command to find me? Then run around in circles screaming?
-->'''Lightsong:'''
screaming?\\
'''Lightsong:'''
That actually worked? Interesting. My high priest didn't think the squirrel's brain would be capable of following such complicated Commands.
-->'''Allmother:''' -stares-
-->'''Lightsong:'''
Commands.\\
'''Allmother:''' ''[stares]''\\
'''Lightsong:'''
Oh, I mean, 'Whoops. It completely misunderstood me. Stupid squirrel.' My deepest apologies, honored sister.



-->'''Lightsong:''' Hum? Oh, that. Do I have to go now? Can't I finish listening to this song?

to:

-->'''Lightsong:''' --->'''Lightsong:''' Hum? Oh, that. Do I have to go now? Can't I finish listening to this song?



-->'''Viviena:''' You're worried that I'll mess things up, aren't you?
-->'''Denth:''' You're the leader in this little dance, Princess. I'm just the guy who mops the floor afterward. And I hate mopping up blood.
-->'''Viviena:''' Oh, please (''walks away while rolling her eyes'')
-->'''Denth:''' (''turns to Tonk Fah'') Bad metaphor?
-->'''Tonk:''' Nah, it had blood in it. That makes it a good metaphor.
-->'''Denth:''' I think it lacked poetic style.
-->'''Tonk:''' Find something that rhymes with 'blood' then. Mud? Thud? Uh...tastebud?

to:

-->'''Viviena:''' You're worried that I'll mess things up, aren't you?
-->'''Denth:'''
you?\\
'''Denth:'''
You're the leader in this little dance, Princess. I'm just the guy who mops the floor afterward. And I hate mopping up blood.
-->'''Viviena:'''
blood.\\
'''Viviena:'''
Oh, please (''walks ''[walks away while rolling her eyes'')
-->'''Denth:''' (''turns
eyes]''\\
'''Denth:''' ''[turns
to Tonk Fah'') Fah]'' Bad metaphor?
-->'''Tonk:'''
metaphor?\\
'''Tonk:'''
Nah, it had blood in it. That makes it a good metaphor.
-->'''Denth:'''
metaphor.\\
'''Denth:'''
I think it lacked poetic style.
-->'''Tonk:'''
style.\\
'''Tonk:'''
Find something that rhymes with 'blood' then. Mud? Thud? Uh...tastebud?



-->'''Tonk:''' Flood.
-->'''Denth:''' Hum?
-->'''Tonk:''' Rhymes with blood. Now you can be poetic. Flood of Blood. It is a nice visual image. Far better than tastebud.
-->'''Denth:''' Ah I see. Tonk Fah?
-->'''Tonk:''' Yes?
-->'''Denth:''' You're an idiot.
-->'''Tonk:''' Thanks.

to:

-->'''Tonk:''' Flood.
-->'''Denth:''' Hum?
-->'''Tonk:'''
--->'''Tonk:''' Flood.\\
'''Denth:''' Hum?\\
'''Tonk:'''
Rhymes with blood. Now you can be poetic. Flood of Blood. It is a nice visual image. Far better than tastebud.
-->'''Denth:'''
tastebud.\\
'''Denth:'''
Ah I see. Tonk Fah?
-->'''Tonk:''' Yes?
-->'''Denth:'''
Fah?\\
'''Tonk:''' Yes?\\
'''Denth:'''
You're an idiot.
-->'''Tonk:'''
idiot.\\
'''Tonk:'''
Thanks.



-->'''Vivenna:''' Should have called you Wartlover the Ugly.
-->'''Vasher:''' Very mature.
* [[LivingWeapon Nightblood]] has a tendency to act like an unusually [[MurderIsTheBestSolution violent]] kicked puppy, leading to little monologues like this (after Vasher chokes two guards unconscious):
-->''You didn't use me much. You could have used me. I'm better than a shirt. I'm a sword. I really am better than a shirt. I would have killed them. Look, they're still breathing. Stupid shirt.''

to:

-->'''Vivenna:''' Should have called you Wartlover the Ugly. \n-->'''Vasher:''' \\
'''Vasher:'''
Very mature.
* [[LivingWeapon Nightblood]] has a tendency to act like an unusually [[MurderIsTheBestSolution violent]] kicked puppy, leading to little monologues like this (after Vasher chokes two guards unconscious):
-->''You
unconscious with a shirt):
-->'''Nightblood:''' You
didn't use me much. You could have used me. I'm better than a shirt. I'm a sword. I really am better than a shirt. I would have killed them. Look, they're still breathing. Stupid shirt.''
10th Nov '13 11:42:27 PM ReaderAt2046
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Added DiffLines:

** Also regarding the above mentioned game to which he does not know the rules: He wins at it. Every time. He briefly considers trying to throw the game to keep the other gods from keeping challenging him, but is forced to abandon this plan upon recognizing that trying to throw the game would be identical to what keeps causing him to win it.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Warbreaker