History Funny / Transmetropolitan

23rd Nov '15 7:21:31 PM NanoMoose
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-->'''Spider:''' ''(while being interviewed on the street)'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead!'' I killed him! ''(clutches his crotch)'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] ''(tears his shirt open>'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''

to:

-->'''Spider:''' ''(while being interviewed on the street)'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead!'' I killed him! ''(clutches his crotch)'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] ''(tears his shirt open>'' open)'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''
23rd Nov '15 7:20:21 PM NanoMoose
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-->'''Yelena:''' Okay! I admit it! '''[[spoiler:I FUCKED SPIDER JERUSALEM!]]''' [[BeatPanel <extremely awkward Beat Panel>]] What are you assholes staring at?

to:

-->'''Yelena:''' Okay! I admit it! '''[[spoiler:I FUCKED SPIDER JERUSALEM!]]''' [[BeatPanel <extremely ''[[BeatPanel (extremely awkward Beat Panel>]] Panel)]]'' What are you assholes staring at?



--> '''Rossini''': Hello. I am Oscar Rossini, noted city philanthropist, a supporter of the party in government, active on a dozen political committees and a substantial donor of financial gifts. I have no criminal record, several awards, three of which were given to me by presidents, and a medal. *big nasty grin* I am also, finally, a television star. I'd like it if you could arrest me now. Because it will ensure that in a week's time you will be in a most unpleasant prison with the mutant erection of a career dog rapist deep in your colon.

to:

--> '''Rossini''': Hello. I am Oscar Rossini, noted city philanthropist, a supporter of the party in government, active on a dozen political committees and a substantial donor of financial gifts. I have no criminal record, several awards, three of which were given to me by presidents, and a medal. *big ''(big nasty grin* grin)'' I am also, finally, a television star. I'd like it if you could arrest me now. Because it will ensure that in a week's time you will be in a most unpleasant prison with the mutant erection of a career dog rapist deep in your colon.



* "Do not lie to the chair leg of truth, for it is wise and terrible!"

to:

* "Do not lie to offend the chair leg of truth, for it truth. It is wise and terrible!"terrible."



*** '''''*PUNCH*'''''

to:

*** '''''*PUNCH*''''''''''(PUNCH)'''''



-->(''Royce sticks four cigarettes in his mouth at once, looking resigned, while his secretary cheerfully provides a light.'')
* Qi having an argument with her computer, which has been paid to show her porn, and threatening to take away its drug simulators is hilarious in its own right, but what's funnier is what interrupts the conversation-

to:

-->(''Royce -->''(Royce sticks four cigarettes in his mouth at once, looking resigned, while his secretary cheerfully provides a light.'')
)''
* Qi having an argument with her computer, which has been paid to show her porn, and threatening to take away its drug simulators is hilarious in its own right, but what's funnier is what interrupts the conversation-conversation -



-->'''Spider:''' ''<while being interviewed on the street>'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead! I killed him! <clutches his crotch> [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] <tears his shirt open>'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''

to:

-->'''Spider:''' ''<while ''(while being interviewed on the street>'' street)'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead! dead!'' I killed him! <clutches ''(clutches his crotch> crotch)'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] <tears ''(tears his shirt open>'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''
23rd Nov '15 7:16:20 PM NanoMoose
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** In an anecdote told by Warren Ellis, Stewart claims that while waiting to be knighted he started thinking "What would Spider do?" and came to the conclusion he would headbutt Prince Charles. Prince Charles did say something to Stewart, but he was unable to remember what it was as he was using all his willpower to not headbutt the guy. Intrusive thoughts can be ''fun'' . . .

to:

** In an anecdote told by Warren Ellis, Stewart claims that while waiting to be knighted he started thinking "What would Spider do?" and came to the conclusion he would headbutt Prince Charles. Prince Charles did say something to Stewart, but he was unable to remember what it was as he was using all his willpower to not headbutt the guy. Intrusive thoughts can be ''fun'' . . .''fun''...
19th Jul '15 3:36:37 AM MechWarrior
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* A combination [=CMOF=] and [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome [=CMOA=]]]. Yelena Rossini's dad does everything he can to help his daughter and Spider because they're doing the right thing. Knowing that the feed they're releasing from his house will quickly be traced, he waits for the StateSec troops to knock on his door. We get this response, ''while'' he's staring down the barrel of a huge gun:

to:

* A combination [=CMOF=] and [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome [=CMOA=]]]. Yelena Rossini's dad does everything he can to help his daughter and Spider because they're doing the right thing. Knowing that the feed they're releasing from his house will quickly be traced, he waits for the StateSec troops to knock on his door. We get this response, ''while'' he's staring down the barrel of a huge gun:
26th May '15 8:55:04 AM ArcaneAzmadi
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-->'''Spider:''' ''<while being interviewed on the street>'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead! I killed him! <clutchs his crotch> [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] <tears his shirt open>'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''

to:

-->'''Spider:''' ''<while being interviewed on the street>'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead! I killed him! <clutchs <clutches his crotch> [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] <tears his shirt open>'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''
26th May '15 8:54:37 AM ArcaneAzmadi
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--> '''Qi''': Why are you in my house? Why did you pick the lock? [[RuleOfThree Why can't I kill you just by wanting it?]]

to:

--> '''Qi''': Why are you in my house? Why did you pick the lock? [[RuleOfThree Why can't I kill you just by wanting it?]]it?]]
* Spider fucking hates Christmas:
-->'''Spider:''' ''<while being interviewed on the street>'' Fuck off. No family. No girlfriend. No friends. No love. No hope. No point. And ''Santa Claus is dead! I killed him! <clutchs his crotch> [[CrossesTheLineTwice I killed him with THIS!]] <tears his shirt open>'' And I left his stinking corpse in an underground cavern where it is raped by hundreds of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every ''day!''
-->'''News reporter:''' Six thousand traumatized children taken to hospital after Jerusalem interview - TV station claims force majeur - Jerusalem's editor still unavailable for comment... In happier news, [[{{Squick}} Drink-My-Urine Day]] attracted record crowds this year...
21st Feb '15 3:41:30 PM TheMutant
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-->(''Royce sticks four cigarettes in his mouth at once, looking resigned, while his secretary cheerfully provides a light.'')

to:

-->(''Royce sticks four cigarettes in his mouth at once, looking resigned, while his secretary cheerfully provides a light.'')'')
* Qi having an argument with her computer, which has been paid to show her porn, and threatening to take away its drug simulators is hilarious in its own right, but what's funnier is what interrupts the conversation-
--> '''Spider''': ''(bursts into Qi's house unnanounced)'' Behold! Bring your finest meats and cheeses! Your greatest benefactor is made manifest in your tiny peasant's hovel!
--> '''Qi''': Why are you in my house? Why did you pick the lock? [[RuleOfThree Why can't I kill you just by wanting it?]]
12th Feb '15 6:27:47 PM TheMutant
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-->"Silence, vermin! I am in command here! Who did you vote for, vermin woman? ''Did'' you vote? Can you read? Have you got thumbs? SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING THUMBS! THUMBS!"

to:

-->"Silence, vermin! I am in command here! Who did you vote for, vermin woman? ''Did'' you vote? Can you read? Have you got thumbs? SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING THUMBS! THUMBS!"THUMBS!"
* When Spider starts digging into the Smiler's VP candidate-
--> '''Spider''': Royce, I need bribe money.
--> '''Royce''': ''([[FacePalm face palms]] and reaches for his cigarettes)'' Why?
--> '''Spider''': Because God has spoken to me, and God, he said, 'Son, you must find out who owns the Smiler's running mate.' and ''I'' said-"
-->(''Royce sticks four cigarettes in his mouth at once, looking resigned, while his secretary cheerfully provides a light.'')
23rd Nov '13 3:38:41 PM GuesssWho
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** In an anecdote told by Warren Ellis, Stewart claims that while waiting to be knighted he started thinking "What would Spider do?" and came to the conclusion he would headbutt Prince Charles. Prince Charles did say something to Stewart, but he was unable to remember what it was as he was using all his willpower to not headbutt the guy. Intrusive thoughts can be fun.

to:

** In an anecdote told by Warren Ellis, Stewart claims that while waiting to be knighted he started thinking "What would Spider do?" and came to the conclusion he would headbutt Prince Charles. Prince Charles did say something to Stewart, but he was unable to remember what it was as he was using all his willpower to not headbutt the guy. Intrusive thoughts can be fun.''fun'' . . .
19th Sep '13 3:17:13 AM GuesssWho
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** In an anecdote told by Warren Ellis, Stewart claims that while waiting to be knighted he started thinking "What would Spider do?" and came to the conclusion he would headbutt Prince Charles. Prince Charles did say something to Stewart, but he was unable to remember what it was as he was using all his willpower to not headbutt the guy.

to:

** In an anecdote told by Warren Ellis, Stewart claims that while waiting to be knighted he started thinking "What would Spider do?" and came to the conclusion he would headbutt Prince Charles. Prince Charles did say something to Stewart, but he was unable to remember what it was as he was using all his willpower to not headbutt the guy. Intrusive thoughts can be fun.



-->"Silence, vermin! I am in command here! Who did you vote for, vermin woman? ''Did'' you vote? Can you read? Have you got thumbs? SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING THUMBS!"

to:

-->"Silence, vermin! I am in command here! Who did you vote for, vermin woman? ''Did'' you vote? Can you read? Have you got thumbs? SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING THUMBS! THUMBS!"
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Transmetropolitan