History Funny / TheNostalgiaCritic2014Episodes

13th Apr '18 10:14:37 AM MHarrington
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* After witnessing the scene where the Colonel is turned into a Blues Brother by God, he takes a break to play ''TabletopGame/CardsAgainstHumanity'', and picks the topic "Something so stupid even]] ''Blues Brothers 2000'' wouldn't use it". He draws "A 130 year old voodoo witch", "Zombies", and "Rednecks being turned into rats". [[spoiler:The movie shows exactly that.]]

to:

* After witnessing the scene where the Colonel is turned into a Blues Brother by God, he takes a break to play ''TabletopGame/CardsAgainstHumanity'', and picks the topic "Something so stupid even]] even ''Blues Brothers 2000'' wouldn't use it". He draws "A 130 year old voodoo witch", "Zombies", and "Rednecks being turned into rats". [[spoiler:The movie shows exactly that.]]
1st Apr '18 3:05:25 PM Riverstyx197
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Added DiffLines:

* The opening, where instead of actually naming the movie as usual, the Critic unleashes a good thirty seconds of {{Angrish}} when he sees the movie he has to review. He then [[MoodWhiplash dives into the review as if nothing happened]].
22nd Mar '18 10:43:53 PM MHarrington
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-->'''Cameo Critic:''' It's a living.

to:

-->'''Cameo Critic:''' ''(shrugs)'' It's a living.



-->'''Critic:''' Ah, of course! The old.... "look like a minion from ''Mario 2'' which will cause the police [[DeerInTheHeadlights to do nothing]] for some reason allowing you to go into your car and spin around for a solid minute or three also causing the police to do nothing for some reason and then take off driving". ''[beat]'' Ingenious?

to:

-->'''Critic:''' Ah, of course! The old.... "look like a minion from ''Mario 2'' ''[[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros2 Mario 2]]'' which will cause the police [[DeerInTheHeadlights to do nothing]] for some reason allowing you to go into your car and spin around for a solid minute or three also causing the police to do nothing for some reason and then take off driving". ''[beat]'' Ingenious?



* After witnessing the scene where the Colonel is turned into a Blues Brother by God, he takes a break to play ''TabletopGame/CardsAgainstHumanity'', and picks the topic "Something so stupid even ''Blues Brothers 2000'' wouldn't use it". He draws "A 130 year old voodoo witch", "Zombies", and "Rednecks being turned into rats". [[spoiler:The movie shows exactly that.]]

to:

* After witnessing the scene where the Colonel is turned into a Blues Brother by God, he takes a break to play ''TabletopGame/CardsAgainstHumanity'', and picks the topic "Something so stupid even even]] ''Blues Brothers 2000'' wouldn't use it". He draws "A 130 year old voodoo witch", "Zombies", and "Rednecks being turned into rats". [[spoiler:The movie shows exactly that.]]]]
-->'''Critic:''' ''(taking off his coat, hat and tie)'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? No, seriously, WHAT THE ''FUCK'' ARE YOU DOING?!?!? I don't get it! I really don't! None of this adds up in the least! It's like you're trying to piss off the people who loved the first film so much! Why? No, really, why are you trying to piss us off? Wha-- are you trying to atone for something? Are you trying to tie it back to a mistake you made in the past?
* The above scene causes the Critic to realize that the crazy scenarios and magical crap having nothing to do with the original movie must be an attempt to do a movie version of [[Recap/TheNostalgiaCriticVideoGameReview2 the Blues Brothers video game]].
-->"Think about it! Every hit movie needs a game, and clearly the game had nothing to do with the original, so they were trying to tie them together so that they wouldn't have to make another game!"



-->'''Critic:''' So Aykroyd and Goodman set out to pick up the rest of their band members when nope, NOPE, nope, nope, nope, nope, you killed the movie. You killed the movie! Whatever little speck of chance you had to make this entertaining, it was ''assassinated'' the minute you put that kid in a suit! This is like giving ComicBook/{{Wolverine}} a puppy, or [[Film/PulpFiction Jules Winfield]] a Martian (''picture of Jules Winfield with the GreatGazoo from WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones added to the barrel of his pistol''), or the Terminator-- (''clip from Film/Terminator3RiseOfTheMachines of him putting on star-shaped glasses'') Oh yeah, that happened.

to:

-->'''Critic:''' So Aykroyd and Goodman set out to pick up the rest of their band members when [[NoJustNoReaction nope, NOPE, nope, nope, nope, nope, you killed the movie. You killed the movie! Whatever little speck of chance you had to make this entertaining, it was ''assassinated'' was]] ''[[NoJustNoReaction assassinated]]'' [[NoJustNoReaction the minute you put that kid in a suit! suit!]] This is like giving ComicBook/{{Wolverine}} a puppy, or [[Film/PulpFiction Jules Winfield]] a Martian (''picture of Jules Winfield with the GreatGazoo from WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones added to the barrel of his pistol''), or the Terminator-- (''clip from Film/Terminator3RiseOfTheMachines of him putting on star-shaped glasses'') Oh yeah, that happened.



-->'''Critic:''' Oh good, hopefully God has come to destroy this movie before it gets any worse!

to:

-->'''Critic:''' Oh Oh, good, hopefully God has come to destroy this movie before it gets any worse!


Added DiffLines:

* The Critic thinks that Elwood and Mighty Mac have "more chemistry than Creator/StephenHawking and [[Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey HAL 9000]]". They are then seen together:
-->'''Hawking:''' Hey, HAL, pick two.\\
'''HAL:''' One, two.\\
'''Hawking:''' You will now have to imagine I am poking you in the eyes causing a humorous effect.\\
'''HAL:''' Nyuk, nyuk.
* The scene of the Blues Brothers somehow defeating a bunch of Indiana Nazis by [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext launching a boat full of explosives at them, blowing them up]].
-->'''Mighty Mac:''' ''(as they drive away from the explosion)'' Did you hear something?\\
'''Elwood:''' Nope.\\
''(Above the Critic, two cue signs, one reading "Laughter" and the other reading "Applause", with the "Laughter" sign lighting up)''\\
'''Critic:''' ''(not amused, looking up at "laughter" sign)'' Funny, neither do I.
* At the end, the Critic is so upset by this movie that he can barely speak anymore and decides to take some [[BrickJoke Fuckital]].
-->[[SubvertedCatchPhrase "I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and hopefully, in a few minutes, I won't remember who I am..."]]
6th Mar '18 7:04:50 AM SorPepita
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'''Fat Kid:''' ''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Na]][[TheLastOfTheseThingsIsNotLikeTheOthers rds]]?!''

to:

'''Fat Kid:''' ''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Na]][[TheLastOfTheseThingsIsNotLikeTheOthers Na]][[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers rds]]?!''
25th Feb '18 9:51:38 PM nombretomado
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* The Critic points out that Creator/PaulGiamatti, who he thinks is a great actor, [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodCharacter was very underused in the new movies]], going so far as to use the scene in ''{{Sideways}}'' where he's on the phone having a conversation with his agent, and the scene where he drinks a tub of wine over his disappointment.

to:

* The Critic points out that Creator/PaulGiamatti, who he thinks is a great actor, [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodCharacter was very underused in the new movies]], going so far as to use the scene in ''{{Sideways}}'' ''Film/{{Sideways}}'' where he's on the phone having a conversation with his agent, and the scene where he drinks a tub of wine over his disappointment.
23rd Feb '18 10:40:13 AM JamesAustin
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'''Fat Kid:''' ''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Na]][[OneOfTheseThingsIsNotLikeTheOthers rds]]?!''

to:

'''Fat Kid:''' ''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Na]][[OneOfTheseThingsIsNotLikeTheOthers Na]][[TheLastOfTheseThingsIsNotLikeTheOthers rds]]?!''
23rd Feb '18 6:17:25 AM TheAmazingBlachman
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---> '''Nostalgia Critic:''' Oh, come on, [[Series/LostInSpace Dr. Smith]], you're about as subtle as a fucking train-wreck... On a boat.

to:

---> '''Nostalgia Critic:''' '''Critic:''' Oh, come on, [[Series/LostInSpace Dr. Smith]], you're about as subtle as a fucking train-wreck... On a boat.



'''Sister Summerisle''': Oh no, not at all! We love our men. We're just not subservient to them. Men are a very important part of our little colony. Breeding, you know.\\
'''Critic''': My god, this island is ''terrible''. All the men do around here is mate, and stay at home, and mate, and not have to talk to anybody, and [[RuleOfThree mate]], and-- can I vacation here?

to:

'''Sister Summerisle''': Summerisle:''' Oh no, not at all! We love our men. We're just not subservient to them. Men are a very important part of our little colony. Breeding, you know.\\
'''Critic''': '''Critic:''' My god, this island is ''terrible''. All the men do around here is mate, and stay at home, and mate, and not have to talk to anybody, and [[RuleOfThree mate]], and-- can I vacation here?



-->[[spoiler: '''Kirbopher''': [[HoYay You're not [=LittleKuriboh=]!]]]]

to:

-->[[spoiler: '''Kirbopher''': --->[[spoiler: '''Kirbopher:''' [[HoYay You're not [=LittleKuriboh=]!]]]]



-->'''Nostalgia Critic:''' ''([[GlassesPull takes off his glasses]] and does a FacePalm)'' Because that's what a teenage boy talking to the parent of a girl he wants to get with would say. "Put the bitch on." Yeah. It's like you put a hidden camera in a real family's house because you guys are just capturing reality so well! In fact, are you sure you didn't do that? Are you sure you didn't put a hidden camera in some family's house and this is just the recordings that you're showing us? It's so fucking realistic! Goooood! Movie, were you just raised in a burlap bag being beaten by other unfunny [=DVDs=] of Carlos Mencia, ''(a picture of people beating Ghost Dad with Carlos Mencia [=DVDs=] in a burlap bag is shown)'' and then suddenly released into the world thinking, "Yeah, I can represent the social interactions of the human animal." Well, lemme tell you something, movie. Come here, come here, come here. Little closer, little closer, little closer. (taking his gun out) Fuck you! *bang!*

to:

-->'''Nostalgia Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' ''([[GlassesPull takes off his glasses]] and does a FacePalm)'' Because that's what a teenage boy talking to the parent of a girl he wants to get with would say. "Put the bitch on." Yeah. It's like you put a hidden camera in a real family's house because you guys are just capturing reality so well! In fact, are you sure you didn't do that? Are you sure you didn't put a hidden camera in some family's house and this is just the recordings that you're showing us? It's so fucking realistic! Goooood! Movie, were you just raised in a burlap bag being beaten by other unfunny [=DVDs=] of Carlos Mencia, ''(a picture of people beating Ghost Dad with Carlos Mencia [=DVDs=] in a burlap bag is shown)'' and then suddenly released into the world thinking, "Yeah, I can represent the social interactions of the human animal." Well, lemme tell you something, movie. Come here, come here, come here. Little closer, little closer, little closer. (taking his gun out) Fuck you! *bang!*



--> '''Malcolm:''' "That was a pretty good cartoon series. You can't deny that must have had some sort of [[StealthPun impact]] on your life --"

to:

--> '''Malcolm:''' "That -->'''Malcolm:''' That was a pretty good cartoon series. You can't deny that must have had some sort of [[StealthPun impact]] on your life --"life--



--> '''Mickey Mouse''' (offscreen, through an exterior shot of his trailer): Tell those sons of bitches unless they wanna animate [[FourFingeredHands a fifth finger for me]] [[FlipTheBird to flick 'em off]], '''I WANT MORE DOUGH!!''' [[SignatureLaugh Ha-ha]].

to:

--> '''Mickey Mouse''' (offscreen, --->'''Mickey Mouse:''' ''(offscreen, through an exterior shot of his trailer): trailer)'' Tell those sons of bitches unless they wanna animate [[FourFingeredHands a fifth finger for me]] [[FlipTheBird to flick 'em off]], '''I WANT MORE DOUGH!!''' [[SignatureLaugh Ha-ha]].



--->'''Clipboard!Critic:''' Be honest. I came on too strong, didn't I? ''[Tamara kicks him again]''

to:

--->'''Clipboard!Critic:''' --->'''Clipboard Critic:''' Be honest. I came on too strong, didn't I? ''[Tamara kicks him again]''



-->'''Critic:''' What happened?\\
-->[[spoiler:'''Black Willy Wonka]]:''' [[spoiler:I killed him. And stole all of his possessions.]]\\

to:

-->'''Critic:''' '''Critic:''' What happened?\\
-->[[spoiler:'''Black [[spoiler:'''Black Willy Wonka]]:''' [[spoiler:I killed him. And stole all of his possessions.]]\\



-->'''Analyst:''' This wasn't on your resumé.\\
-->[[spoiler:'''Black Willy Wonka]]:''' [[GoLookAtTheDistraction Oh look]], a popular demographic you can exploit!!\\
-->'''Analyst:''' (''running off'') Oh wait, I have charts! I have chaaaaarts! \\

to:

-->'''Analyst:''' --->'''Analyst:''' This wasn't on your resumé.\\
-->[[spoiler:'''Black [[spoiler:'''Black Willy Wonka]]:''' [[GoLookAtTheDistraction Oh look]], a popular demographic you can exploit!!\\
-->'''Analyst:''' '''Analyst:''' (''running off'') Oh wait, I have charts! I have chaaaaarts! \\chaaaaarts!



--> '''Critic:''' You know, I don't like how that's becoming a thing.

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' You know, I don't like how that's becoming a thing.



--> '''Critic:''' Is there anything more evil than comic book villains?\\

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Is there anything more evil than comic book villains?\\



--> ''You close your eyesss... and hope that this is just imagination...''

to:

--> ''You -->''You close your eyesss... and hope that this is just imagination...''



-->'''Critic''': They have one night of the year to do whatever the hell they want, and yet they spend it like Fifth-graders who just found out they have cameras on their phones. What person would spend so much time to get into a person's house for [[ExcusePlot such a weak reason]]?

to:

-->'''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' They have one night of the year to do whatever the hell they want, and yet they spend it like Fifth-graders who just found out they have cameras on their phones. What person would spend so much time to get into a person's house for [[ExcusePlot such a weak reason]]?



'''Azula''': Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player.\\
'''Critic''': Oh, ''god!'' [[MagnificentBastard What a bitch. She's so fucking awesome.]]

to:

'''Azula''': '''Azula:''' Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player.\\
'''Critic''': '''Critic:''' Oh, ''god!'' [[MagnificentBastard What a bitch. She's so fucking awesome.]]



-->'''Critic Trucks:''' ''[tune of "Here We Go 'Round The Mulberry Bush"]'' Here we go 'round the idiot stop. It's loaded with fops, whose IQ's have dropped /I think you'll need some Peppermint Schnapps, to get through this damn moooviiiie...

to:

-->'''Critic Trucks:''' (as the Trucks):''' ''[tune of "Here We Go 'Round The Mulberry Bush"]'' Here we go 'round the idiot stop. It's loaded with fops, whose IQ's have dropped /I think you'll need some Peppermint Schnapps, to get through this damn moooviiiie...



'''Critic!Waitress:''' [[WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!!!!!]]\\

to:

'''Critic!Waitress:''' '''Critic (as Waitress):''' [[WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!!!!!]]\\



'''Critic!Waitress:''' LOL YOU CAN'T! We - made - you.

to:

'''Critic!Waitress:''' '''Critic (as Waitress):''' LOL YOU CAN'T! We - made - you.



-->'''Critic''': (afraid) ''VideoGame/DuckHunt'' dog, [[NightmareFuel why are you so scary now]]?

to:

-->'''Critic''': (afraid) ''VideoGame/DuckHunt'' -->'''Critic:''' ''(afraid) VideoGame/DuckHunt'' dog, [[NightmareFuel why are you so scary now]]?
14th Feb '18 1:20:39 PM ironballs16
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----> '''Critic:''' [[TemptingFate You can't just like someone because he's really nerdy, into retro media, wears a bunch of half-professional and half-grungy clothes]]-- ''([[IResembleThatRemark looks down at what he's wearing]])''

to:

----> '''Critic:''' [[TemptingFate You can't just like someone because he's really nerdy, into retro media, wears a bunch of half-professional and half-grungy clothes]]-- ''([[IResembleThatRemark looks down at what he's wearing]])''wearing]])''\\
14th Feb '18 1:20:02 PM ironballs16
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'''Critic:''' [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]\\

to:

'''Critic:''' [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]\\UP!]]
14th Feb '18 1:19:49 PM ironballs16
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--> '''Critic:''' [[TemptingFate You can't just like someone because he's really nerdy, into retro media, wears a bunch of half-professional and half-grungy clothes]]-- ''([[IResembleThatRemark looks down at what he's wearing]])''
-->'''Hyper Fan Girl:''' ''(stares deeply)'' What are you doing this evening?\\
-->'''Critic:''' Not you. Dump her!\\
-->''(long pause)''\\
-->'''Analyst 1:''' You know, you really are sort of a {{Hipster}}.\\
-->'''Critic:''' [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]\\

to:

--> ----> '''Critic:''' [[TemptingFate You can't just like someone because he's really nerdy, into retro media, wears a bunch of half-professional and half-grungy clothes]]-- ''([[IResembleThatRemark looks down at what he's wearing]])''
-->'''Hyper '''Hyper Fan Girl:''' ''(stares deeply)'' What are you doing this evening?\\
-->'''Critic:''' '''Critic:''' Not you. Dump her!\\
-->''(long ''(long pause)''\\
-->'''Analyst '''Analyst 1:''' You know, you really are sort of a {{Hipster}}.\\
-->'''Critic:''' '''Critic:''' [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]\\
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