History Funny / TheNostalgiaCritic2014Episodes

18th Sep '17 11:40:46 AM TheAmazingBlachman
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-->'''Malcolm (as Will Smith):''' ''(hurriedly as the Critic reaches for the button) Wait'', I have two other kids to promote!
'''Critic:''' ''(faces offscreen)'' {{Nepotism}}.

to:

-->'''Malcolm (as Will Smith):''' ''(hurriedly as the Critic reaches for the button) Wait'', I have two other kids to promote!
promote!\\
'''Critic:''' ''(faces offscreen)'' {{Nepotism}}.\\
18th Sep '17 11:40:18 AM TheAmazingBlachman
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-->'''Vader''': We got ''so old''.
-->'''Obi-Wan''': Preach.

to:

-->'''Vader''': -->'''Vader:''' We got ''so old''.
-->'''Obi-Wan''':
old''.\\
'''Obi-Wan:'''
Preach.



--> '''Critic!Rothbart:''' Why can't you just get Stockholm Syndrome like everyone else I've brought here?! [[NoodleIncident I had the turtle ready to marry me in a week!]]

to:

--> '''Critic!Rothbart:''' '''Critic (as Rothbart):''' Why can't you just get Stockholm Syndrome like everyone else I've brought here?! [[NoodleIncident I had the turtle ready to marry me in a week!]]



-->'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' Mr. Rooster, are you the Great Animal?\\

to:

-->'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' -->'''Critic (as [=McCarthy=]):''' Mr. Rooster, are you the Great Animal?\\



'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' Yes you are. ''[executes Mr. Rooster]'' Miss Kitty, are you the Great Animal?\\

to:

'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' '''Critic [=McCarthy=]:''' Yes you are. ''[executes Mr. Rooster]'' Miss Kitty, are you the Great Animal?\\



'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' Nice try. ''[executes Miss Kitty]'' Mr. Mal, are you the Great Animal?\\

to:

'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' '''Critic [=McCarthy=]:''' Nice try. ''[executes Miss Kitty]'' Mr. Mal, are you the Great Animal?\\



'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' Wrong answer. ''[executes Animal]'' Mr. Worm, are you the Great Animal?\\

to:

'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' '''Critic [=McCarthy=]:''' Wrong answer. ''[executes Animal]'' Mr. Worm, are you the Great Animal?\\



'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' Whatever. Take this. ''[shoots the worm, which is still alive]''\\
'''Worm:''' Ha! It'll take more than- ''[gets shot with a dozen more arrows]'' That ought to do it!

to:

'''NC!![=McCarthy=]:''' '''Critic [=McCarthy=]:''' Whatever. Take this. ''[shoots the worm, which is still alive]''\\
'''Worm:''' Ha! It'll take more than- than-- ''[gets shot with a dozen more arrows]'' That ought to do it!



-->'''Critic:''' You're just looking for an excuse to shoot things! [[TakeThat You're like the NRA!]]

to:

-->'''Critic:''' --->'''Critic:''' You're just looking for an excuse to shoot things! [[TakeThat You're like the NRA!]]



--> '''Critic:''' Uh, yeah. Can we get the judges' take on that? ''(Cut to a skeptical-looking sport judge panel consisting of [[LordOfTheRings Legolas]], [[Film/TheHungerGames Katniss Everdeen]], and [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse Hawkeye]], who all hold up placards with "Bullshit" printed on them to a trumpet sting])'' That's what I thought. Even for a fantasy aimed at 2 year olds, that's pretty fucking stupid. But, he also practices his hunting skills on some of his servants. And sadly, it's not as violent as you would think.

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Uh, yeah. Can we get the judges' take on that? ''(Cut to a skeptical-looking sport judge panel consisting of [[LordOfTheRings Legolas]], [[Film/TheHungerGames Katniss Everdeen]], and [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse Hawkeye]], who all hold up placards with "Bullshit" printed on them to a trumpet sting])'' That's what I thought. Even for a fantasy aimed at 2 year olds, that's pretty fucking stupid. But, he also practices his hunting skills on some of his servants. And sadly, it's not as violent as you would think.



-->'''Malcolm''': He ''never'' makes those!

to:

-->'''Malcolm''': -->'''Malcolm:''' He ''never'' makes those!



-->'''Critic''': Aww, now isn't that [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop a charming lesson?]] Years of hate and abuse are fine in a relationship as long as your sexual urges deem your partner a sweet piece of ass. Hey, it worked in Creator/MegRyan films, and she turned out just fi-[[note]]Cut to image of Meg Ryan after she'd had unfortunately botched plastic surgery[[/note]]Don't do what they do in Meg Ryan films.

to:

-->'''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' Aww, now isn't that [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop a charming lesson?]] Years of hate and abuse are fine in a relationship as long as your sexual urges deem your partner a sweet piece of ass. Hey, it worked in Creator/MegRyan films, and she turned out just fi-[[note]]Cut to image of Meg Ryan after she'd had unfortunately botched plastic surgery[[/note]]Don't do what they do in Meg Ryan films.



-->'''Derek:''' Where is Odette?
-->'''King:''' Odette is... Odette...
-->'''Critic:''' ''[beat]'' Well I know she's Odette, but that doesn't answer my question. ''*rimshot*''

to:

-->'''Derek:''' Where is Odette?
-->'''King:'''
Odette?\\
'''King:'''
Odette is... Odette...
-->'''Critic:'''
Odette...\\
'''Critic:'''
''[beat]'' Well I know she's Odette, but that doesn't answer my question. ''*rimshot*'''''*rimshot*'''



-->'''Critic!!King:''' Here's to the assumption that [[MissingMom her mother]] [[DeathByChildbirth died in birth]]!!
-->'''Crowd:''' ''[[FlatJoy Yaaaaay.]]''
-->'''Critic:''' Many come from across the land to visit the newborn...''[cut to newborn Odette somehow having hair and looking like a toddler]''...[[ThreeMonthOldNewborn three-year-old]], and the king forms a plan with a queen from another kingdom to play Matchmaker with their kids.

to:

-->'''Critic!!King:''' -->'''Critic (as the King):''' Here's to the assumption that [[MissingMom her mother]] [[DeathByChildbirth died in birth]]!!
-->'''Crowd:'''
birth]]!!\\
'''Crowd:'''
''[[FlatJoy Yaaaaay.]]''
-->'''Critic:'''
]]''\\
'''Critic:'''
Many come from across the land to visit the newborn...''[cut to newborn Odette somehow having hair and looking like a toddler]''...[[ThreeMonthOldNewborn three-year-old]], and the king forms a plan with a queen from another kingdom to play Matchmaker with their kids.



-->'''Narrator:''' For he was prepared to take William's kingdom, by means of the forbidden arts.
-->'''Critic!Narrator:''' Through the evil leprechaun magic of pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers and blue diamonds. They're magically diabolical.

to:

-->'''Narrator:''' For he was prepared to take William's kingdom, by means of the forbidden arts.
-->'''Critic!Narrator:'''
arts.\\
'''Critic (as Narrator):'''
Through the evil leprechaun magic of pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers and blue diamonds. They're magically diabolical.



-->'''Critic''': "My God, there's nothing more terrifying than a tap dancing sorcerer who plans on eating people's lunches! This diabolical baddie has entered the realms of rude! RUDE!"

to:

-->'''Critic''': "My -->'''Critic:''' My God, there's nothing more terrifying than a tap dancing sorcerer who plans on eating people's lunches! This diabolical baddie has entered the realms of rude! RUDE!"RUDE!



--> '''Critic:''' "Well I'm standing up for the small, hairy orange! I'm going on up there and- [[LeastRhymableWord You know, I'm done rhyming.]]"

to:

--> '''Critic:''' "Well -->'''Critic:''' Well I'm standing up for the small, hairy orange! I'm going on up there and- and-- [[LeastRhymableWord You know, I'm done rhyming.]]"]]



--> '''Critic''': You know, I don't like how that's becoming a thing.

to:

--> '''Critic''': '''Critic:''' You know, I don't like how that's becoming a thing.



--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': I'm still not convinced! Name one other moment that was better than the original.
--> '''Critic''': The best Creator/StanLee [[TheCameo cameo]] ever.
--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': Okay, fair enough...

to:

--> '''Hyper -->'''Hyper Fangirl''': I'm still not convinced! Name one other moment that was better than the original.
--> '''Critic''':
original.\\
'''Critic:'''
The best Creator/StanLee [[TheCameo cameo]] ever.
-->
ever.\\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Fangirl;''' Okay, fair enough...



--> '''Critic''': Is there anything more evil than comic book villains?
--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder Actual murderers?]]
--> '''Critic''': Aaaaand you made it weird... This is "Best Villains".
--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder You asked]]...

to:

--> '''Critic''': '''Critic:''' Is there anything more evil than comic book villains?
-->
villains?\\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Fangirl:''' [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder Actual murderers?]]
--> '''Critic''':
murderers?]]\\
'''Critic:'''
Aaaaand you made it weird... This is "Best Villains".
-->
Villains".\\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Fangirl:''' [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder You asked]]...



--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': Oh, what? You've never had the voice of a loved one mentally torturing you inside?
--> '''Critic''': (With a confused look) No.
--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': Oh... Well... [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Neither have I]]. ({{Beat}}) Quiet, [[{{Foreshadowing}} Grandma!]]

to:

--> '''Hyper Fangirl''': -->'''Hyper Fangirl:''' Oh, what? You've never had the voice of a loved one mentally torturing you inside?
--> '''Critic''': (With
inside?\\
'''Critic:''' ''(with
a confused look) No.
-->
look)'' No.\\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Oh... Well... [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Neither have I]]. ({{Beat}}) ''({{beat}})'' Quiet, [[{{Foreshadowing}} Grandma!]]



---> '''Critic''': Name one good thing about Mary Jane! \\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Uhm... She has pretty hair? \\
'''Critic''': MARY JANE SUCKS! \\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Yes, she does.
** Hyper Fangirl [[DamnedByFaintPraise can only point out that she has pretty hair]].

to:

---> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' Name one good thing about Mary Jane! \\
Jane!\\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Fangirl:''' Uhm... [[DamnedByFaintPraise She has pretty hair? \\
'''Critic''':
hair]]?\\
'''Critic:'''
MARY JANE SUCKS! \\
SUCKS!\\
'''Hyper Fangirl''': Fangirl:''' Yes, she does.
** Hyper Fangirl [[DamnedByFaintPraise can only point out that she has pretty hair]].
does.



-->'''[[spoiler:Fat Grandma]]''': Less talkin' and more Stalkin'!!

to:

-->'''[[spoiler:Fat Grandma]]''': --->'''[[spoiler:Fat Grandma]]:''' Less talkin' and more Stalkin'!!



--> '''[[spoiler:Fat Grandma]]''': The heart, honey child! First you start with the heaaaarrrrt!

to:

--> '''[[spoiler:Fat Grandma]]''': --->'''[[spoiler:Fat Grandma]]:''' The heart, honey child! First you start with the heaaaarrrrt!



--> '''Critic''': Science science science... science? ''Oh no, science!''

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' Science science science... science? ''Oh no, science!''



-->"My vagina is a cow"
-->"All hail Queen of Spam"
-->"The cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?"
-->'''Raptor 1:''' Dude, the guy's mom must have drank when she was pregnant!
-->'''Raptor 2:''' Leave them. I hear they give you tsunami shits.

to:

-->"My vagina is a cow"
-->"All
cow"\\
"All
hail Queen of Spam"
-->"The
Spam"\\
"The
cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?"
-->'''Raptor
bathroom?"\\
'''Raptor
1:''' Dude, the guy's mom must have drank when she was pregnant!
-->'''Raptor
pregnant!\\
'''Raptor
2:''' Leave them. I hear they give you tsunami shits.



-->'''RESTRICTED'''
--> THAT MEANS BAD!
--> REALLY BAD!!
--> ''LIKE, FROWNY FACE BAD!!!''
--> :-(

to:

-->'''RESTRICTED'''
-->
-->'''RESTRICTED'''\\
THAT MEANS BAD!
-->
BAD!\\
REALLY BAD!!
-->
BAD!!\\
''LIKE, FROWNY FACE BAD!!!''
-->
BAD!!!''\\
:-(



--> '''Critic''': ...Well, to be fair, that was scarier than most of the other dinosaurs in this movie.

to:

--> '''Critic''': ...-->'''Critic:''' ...Well, to be fair, that was scarier than most of the other dinosaurs in this movie.



'''Malcolm/Will:''' DENIED! Now get your stupid space suit on, [[spoiler:Jaden]].\\

to:

'''Malcolm/Will:''' '''Malcolm (as Will Smith):''' DENIED! Now get your stupid space suit on, [[spoiler:Jaden]].\\



'''Malcolm/Will:''' I heard that!

to:

'''Malcolm/Will:''' '''Malcolm (as Will Smith):''' I heard that!



--> '''Kitai:''' May I go to my room, Sir?
--> '''Cypher:''' DENIED! SIT DOWN!!!
--> '''Critic:''' YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME HAVE AN EMOTION IN A SHAMALAYAN FILM AGAIN!!!

to:

--> '''Kitai:''' -->'''Kitai:''' May I go to my room, Sir?
-->
Sir?\\
'''Cypher:''' DENIED! SIT DOWN!!!
-->
DOWN!!!\\
'''Critic:''' YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME HAVE AN EMOTION IN A SHAMALAYAN FILM AGAIN!!!



-->'''Zack Taylor:''' Mastodon!
-->'''Kimberly Ann Hart:''' Pterodactyl!
-->'''Billy Cranston:''' Triceratops!

to:

-->'''Zack Taylor:''' Mastodon!
-->'''Kimberly
Mastodon!\\
'''Kimberly
Ann Hart:''' Pterodactyl!
-->'''Billy
Pterodactyl!\\
'''Billy
Cranston:''' Triceratops!



-->'''Malcolm:''' Soldier, what is your status?
-->'''Tamara:''' The enemy has us outgunned and outnumbered, sir!
-->'''Doug:''' What kind of garments are they wearing, soldier?
-->'''Tamara:''' Fashionably outdated VP cam boots, sir!
-->'''Malcolm:''' Is their camouflage from the Ranger Joe catalog or the [=RothCo=] catalog?
-->'''Tamara:''' Ranger Joe, sir!
-->'''Doug:''' ''[groans]'' Don't they know that Ranger Joe is so last season?!?
-->'''Malcolm:''' Please tell me your top combats their blasé fashion sense!
-->'''Tamara:''' Sir, I've got on a black SWAT vest and a black standard issue top!
-->'''Doug:''' What about the bottom, soldier?
-->'''Tamara:''' ''[her camera pulls back to reveal she's wearing...]'' I've got a beautiful Bohemian Banana Republic skirt and a pair of wonderful flower shoes!
-->'''Doug:''' Do the shoes match, soldier? Do the shoes match?!
-->'''Tamara:''' Yes they do, sir!
-->'''Malcolm:''' ''[sigh of relief]'' Good. ''[Gets out a drinking flask while Doug gets a bottle of Smirnoff]'' For a second there, I thought we were going to be under-dressed.
-->''[The sound of a gunshot comes over the walkie-talkie]''
-->'''Tamara:''' I'm hit!
-->'''Doug:''' But at least you died fabulous. ''[knocks bottles with Malcolm before they both take a big drink]''

to:

-->'''Malcolm:''' Soldier, what is your status?
-->'''Tamara:'''
status?\\
'''Tamara:'''
The enemy has us outgunned and outnumbered, sir!
-->'''Doug:'''
sir!\\
'''Doug:'''
What kind of garments are they wearing, soldier?
-->'''Tamara:'''
soldier?\\
'''Tamara:'''
Fashionably outdated VP cam boots, sir!
-->'''Malcolm:'''
sir!\\
'''Malcolm:'''
Is their camouflage from the Ranger Joe catalog or the [=RothCo=] catalog?
-->'''Tamara:'''
catalog?\\
'''Tamara:'''
Ranger Joe, sir!
-->'''Doug:'''
sir!\\
'''Doug:'''
''[groans]'' Don't they know that Ranger Joe is so last season?!?
-->'''Malcolm:'''
season?!?\\
'''Malcolm:'''
Please tell me your top combats their blasé fashion sense!
-->'''Tamara:'''
sense!\\
'''Tamara:'''
Sir, I've got on a black SWAT vest and a black standard issue top!
-->'''Doug:'''
top!\\
'''Doug:'''
What about the bottom, soldier?
-->'''Tamara:'''
soldier?\\
'''Tamara:'''
''[her camera pulls back to reveal she's wearing...]'' I've got a beautiful Bohemian Banana Republic skirt and a pair of wonderful flower shoes!
-->'''Doug:'''
shoes!\\
'''Doug:'''
Do the shoes match, soldier? Do the shoes match?!
-->'''Tamara:'''
match?!\\
'''Tamara:'''
Yes they do, sir!
-->'''Malcolm:'''
sir!\\
'''Malcolm:'''
''[sigh of relief]'' Good. ''[Gets ''[gets out a drinking flask while Doug gets a bottle of Smirnoff]'' For a second there, I thought we were going to be under-dressed.
-->''[The
under-dressed.\\
''[the
sound of a gunshot comes over the walkie-talkie]''
-->'''Tamara:'''
walkie-talkie]''\\
'''Tamara:'''
I'm hit!
-->'''Doug:'''
hit!\\
'''Doug:'''
But at least you died fabulous. ''[knocks bottles with Malcolm before they both take a big drink]''



-->'''Malcolm!Will Smith''': (Hurriedly as the Critic reaches for the button) Wait, I have two other kids to promote!
-->'''Critic''': (Faces offscreen) {{Nepotism}}.
-->'''Rob''': [[HypocriticalHumor Right?]]

to:

-->'''Malcolm!Will Smith''': (Hurriedly -->'''Malcolm (as Will Smith):''' ''(hurriedly as the Critic reaches for the button) Wait, Wait'', I have two other kids to promote!
-->'''Critic''': (Faces offscreen) '''Critic:''' ''(faces offscreen)'' {{Nepotism}}.
-->'''Rob''': '''Rob:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Right?]]



--> '''Critic!Smith:''' Booooooooriiiiiing.

to:

--> '''Critic!Smith:''' -->'''Critic (as Smith):''' Booooooooriiiiiing.



--> '''Critic:''' Can I get a...
--> '''Cypher:''' DENIED!

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Can I get a...
-->
a...\\
'''Cypher:''' DENIED!



--> [[spoiler: '''Shyamalan''': Why does everybody keep on hiring me? All of my work is shit!]]

to:

--> [[spoiler: '''Shyamalan''': -->[[spoiler:'''Shyamalan''': Why does everybody keep on hiring me? All of my work is shit!]]



-->'''Critic:''' How are you even here? [[spoiler:I killed you two times!]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Shyamalan:''' I'm Shyamalan. [[TakeThat Nothing with my name on it makes any sense.]] If you want continuity, go watch a [[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]] video.]]

to:

-->'''Critic:''' --->'''Critic:''' How are you even here? [[spoiler:I killed you two times!]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Shyamalan:'''
times!]]\\
[[spoiler:'''Shyamalan:'''
I'm Shyamalan. [[TakeThat Nothing with my name on it makes any sense.]] If you want continuity, go watch a [[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]] video.]]
17th Sep '17 10:38:53 AM TheAmazingBlachman
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* "But thank God [[DevelopmentHell ten years]] doesn't make such a difference to such Hollywood giants like Music/HilaryDuff, Chris Kattan, Eva Longoria, and 24/7 dodger of controversy Creator/CharlieSheen. *a cuckoo sound plays on Sheen's picture* [[SarcasmMode I'm sure all these people will be just as big in 2012 as they were in 2002.]] *cut to the WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes episode "The Ducksters" as an offscreen voice shouts "YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!"*

to:

* "But *
-->"But
thank God [[DevelopmentHell ten years]] doesn't make such a difference to such Hollywood giants like Music/HilaryDuff, Chris Kattan, Eva Longoria, and 24/7 dodger of controversy Creator/CharlieSheen. *a ''(a cuckoo sound plays on Sheen's picture* picture)'' [[SarcasmMode I'm sure all these people will be just as big in 2012 as they were in 2002.]] *cut (cut to the WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes episode "The Ducksters" as an offscreen voice shouts "YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!"*SORRY!!!")''



''Malcolm:''' [[ArtisticLicenseBiology Squeak squeak!]]\\

to:

''Malcolm:''' '''Malcolm:''' [[ArtisticLicenseBiology Squeak squeak!]]\\
17th Sep '17 10:37:55 AM TheAmazingBlachman
Is there an issue? Send a Message


--> '''Doug!Elfman:''' Oh-OH! Oh-OH! OWO-HOWOH-HO!

to:

--> '''Doug!Elfman:''' --->'''Doug (as Danny Elfman):''' Oh-OH! Oh-OH! OWO-HOWOH-HO!



--> '''♪Doritos! Getting cheese crumbs on your goddamn clothes! They are the Doritos!♪'''
-->''Today's Adventure: The Super Bowl Genocide''

to:

--> '''♪Doritos! Getting cheese crumbs on your goddamn clothes! They are the Doritos!♪'''
-->''Today's
Doritos!♪'''\\
''Today's
Adventure: The Super Bowl Genocide''



--> '''Critic''': Now, tell me if this setup sounds familiar: A 'toon and a cop...
--> '''Malcolm and Tamara''': [[Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit Roger Rabbit]].
--> '''Critic''': '''''YEAH!'''''

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' Now, tell me if this setup sounds familiar: A 'toon and a cop...
-->
cop...\\
'''Malcolm and Tamara''': Tamara:''' [[Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit Roger Rabbit]].
--> '''Critic''':
Rabbit]].\\
'''Critic:'''
'''''YEAH!'''''



--> '''Critic''': Just look at this intro and tell me if it reminds you of anything, ''anything'' familiar at all.
--> *intro with DerangedAnimation and GrossUpCloseUp in full play is shown, approximately half a second in...*
--> '''Malcolm and Tamara''': [[WesternAnimation/RenAndStimpy Ren and Stimpy.]]
--> '''Critic''': '''''YUUUUUUUH!'''''

to:

--> '''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': Just look at this intro and tell me if it reminds you of anything, ''anything'' familiar at all.
--> *intro
all.\\
''(intro
with DerangedAnimation and GrossUpCloseUp in full play is shown, approximately half a second in...*
-->
)''\\
'''Malcolm and Tamara''': [[WesternAnimation/RenAndStimpy Ren and Stimpy.]]
-->
]]\\
'''Critic''': '''''YUUUUUUUH!'''''



--> Imagine if [[Series/ILoveLucy Ricky Ricardo]] got fed up with his wife, took his Caribbean band, and just started robbing the ''shit'' out of people.

to:

--> Imagine -->"Imagine if [[Series/ILoveLucy Ricky Ricardo]] got fed up with his wife, took his Caribbean band, and just started robbing the ''shit'' out of people."



--> '''Malcolm!Yoda:''' You must use the Yummy Muffy-Puffy.

to:

--> '''Malcolm!Yoda:''' -->'''Malcolm (as Yoda):''' You must use the Yummy Muffy-Puffy.



-->'''Critic!Cage:''' This is the way teddy bears have their picnic, bitch. *PUNCH*

to:

-->'''Critic!Cage:''' -->'''Critic (as Cage):''' This is the way teddy bears have their picnic, bitch. *PUNCH*



-->'''Critic!Skeletor:''' Nyoh, dammit! ''Now'' what flamboyant spectacle am I going to chase? ''*sees He-Man*'' ''Hello...''

to:

-->'''Critic!Skeletor:''' -->'''Critic (as Skeletor):''' Nyoh, dammit! ''Now'' what flamboyant spectacle am I going to chase? ''*sees He-Man*'' ''Hello...''



-->Wouldn't it be great to see Kaa in there? Or.. *images of other characters flash by* ...Kaa?

to:

-->Wouldn't it be great to see Kaa in there? Or.. *images ''(images of other characters flash by* ...by)'' ...Kaa?



-->'''Critic:''' '''''[[BigWhat WHAT?!?!]] [[FreakOut WHAT?!?!]] [[NightmareFuel WHAT?!?!]] [[MadnessMantra WHAT?!?!]] [[SanitySlippage WHAT?!?!]] [[OverlyLongGag WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?! WHAAAAAAAT?!?!]]'''''

to:

-->'''Critic:''' --->'''Critic:''' '''''[[BigWhat WHAT?!?!]] [[FreakOut WHAT?!?!]] [[NightmareFuel WHAT?!?!]] [[MadnessMantra WHAT?!?!]] [[SanitySlippage WHAT?!?!]] [[OverlyLongGag WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?! WHAAAAAAAT?!?!]]'''''



-->'''Critic:''' Launch out of my vag! There's enough fetish fuel in this movie for EVERYBODY!!!

to:

-->'''Critic:''' --->'''Critic:''' Launch out of my vag! There's enough fetish fuel in this movie for EVERYBODY!!!



-->'''Lieutenant X''': I think I just wet myself... It feels rather nice...
-->'''Critic''': ''(stares with a mixture of horror and disgust)'' Fet - ish - mo - vie.

to:

-->'''Lieutenant X''': --->'''Lieutenant X:''' I think I just wet myself... It feels rather nice...
-->'''Critic''':
nice...\\
'''Critic:'''
''(stares with a mixture of horror and disgust)'' Fet - ish - mo - vie.



--> '''Critic''': Isn't it kind of a no-brainer that you don't give 65 million dollars to a person who would fail a Fisher Price Barnyard Animals game?
--> '''Spin 'N Say''': A kitty cat goes...
--> '''Malcolm''': [[ArtisticLicenseBiology Squeak squeak!]]
--> '''Critic''': GIVE HIM ALL OUR MONEY! CLEARLY, WE'RE DEALING WITH ARTISTIC GENIUS HERE!
--> '''Malcolm''': I pooped myself!
--> '''Critic''': Give him an extra grand for that.

to:

--> '''Critic''': '''Critic:''' Isn't it kind of a no-brainer that you don't give 65 million dollars to a person who would fail a Fisher Price Barnyard Animals game?
-->
game?\\
'''Spin 'N Say''': Say:''' A kitty cat goes...
--> '''Malcolm''':
goes...\\
''Malcolm:'''
[[ArtisticLicenseBiology Squeak squeak!]]
--> '''Critic''':
squeak!]]\\
'''Critic:'''
GIVE HIM ALL OUR MONEY! CLEARLY, WE'RE DEALING WITH ARTISTIC GENIUS HERE!
--> '''Malcolm''':
HERE!\\
'''Malcolm:'''
I pooped myself!
--> '''Critic''':
myself!\\
'''Critic:'''
Give him an extra grand for that.



-->'''Tamara:''' She's so adorable!
-->'''Malcolm:''' I just want to eat her up!
-->'''Tamara:''' Oh look she's smiling!
-->'''Malcolm:''' She's like the Creator/JenniferLawrence of warfare!

to:

-->'''Tamara:''' She's so adorable!
-->'''Malcolm:'''
adorable!\\
'''Malcolm:'''
I just want to eat her up!
-->'''Tamara:''' Oh look
up!\\
'''Tamara:''' Oh, look,
she's smiling!
-->'''Malcolm:'''
smiling!\\
'''Malcolm:'''
She's like the Creator/JenniferLawrence of warfare!



-->'''Writer:''' "And then, [[DesignatedGirlFight the hot furry chick kicks the ass out of the hot dominatrix]], [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar all while the men make wicked funny jokes about her melons!]]" ''[snorts a giggle]'' That's so funny! "And then, she gets turned into an ugly woman, [[BeautyEqualsGoodness proving once and for all that if you're an ugly woman, no good can come out of you!]]"
-->''[beat]''
-->'''Writer:''' "Oh, and there's, uh, something having to do with [[ProductPlacement Mr. Twinkie, Mr. Clean, and a bunch of other products]], but who cares!" It's done! It's finished!! My ''magnum opus'' for [[RuleThirtyFour the Horny-Furry-S&M-Cat Fight-Boxing Fan Fiction Forum]] is finally completed! All I have to do is submit it!
-->''[He happily clicks the send button, then he reacts in horror]''
-->'''Writer:''' [[OhCrap OH NO! I just sent it to my big shot agent in Hollywood!]] [[HeroicBSOD I'm RUINED!!!]]
-->''[His computer beeps. He then looks at his screen confused at the private message that has come in]''
-->'''Writer:''' Why the hell do they want $65 million for it?

to:

-->'''Writer:''' "And then, [[DesignatedGirlFight the hot furry chick kicks the ass out of the hot dominatrix]], [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar all while the men make wicked funny jokes about her melons!]]" ''[snorts a giggle]'' That's so funny! "And then, she gets turned into an ugly woman, [[BeautyEqualsGoodness proving once and for all that if you're an ugly woman, no good can come out of you!]]"
-->''[beat]''
-->'''Writer:'''
you!]]"\\
''[beat]''\\
'''Writer:'''
"Oh, and there's, uh, something having to do with [[ProductPlacement Mr. Twinkie, Mr. Clean, and a bunch of other products]], but who cares!" It's done! It's finished!! My ''magnum opus'' for [[RuleThirtyFour the Horny-Furry-S&M-Cat Fight-Boxing Fan Fiction Forum]] is finally completed! All I have to do is submit it!
-->''[He
it!\\
''[he
happily clicks the send button, then he reacts in horror]''
-->'''Writer:'''
horror]''\\
'''Writer:'''
[[OhCrap OH NO! I just sent it to my big shot agent in Hollywood!]] [[HeroicBSOD I'm RUINED!!!]]
-->''[His
RUINED!!!]]\\
''[his
computer beeps. He then looks at his screen confused at the private message that has come in]''
-->'''Writer:'''
in]''\\
'''Writer:'''
Why the hell do they want $65 million for it?



-->'''Sunshine:''' I never stopped believing in you, Dex.
-->'''Critic:''' "It is Dex, right? Unless Franchise/ScoobyDoo took steroids and somehow fought his speech impediment!"

to:

-->'''Sunshine:''' I never stopped believing in you, Dex. \n-->'''Critic:''' "It \\
'''Critic (as Sunshine):''' It
is Dex, right? Unless Franchise/ScoobyDoo took steroids and somehow fought his speech impediment!"impediment!



-->'''Weasel mascot:''' Not that bald isn't beautiful!
-->'''Critic!C-3PO''': R2-D2, WHERE ARE YOU?!

to:

-->'''Weasel mascot:''' Not that bald isn't beautiful!
-->'''Critic!C-3PO''':
beautiful!\\
'''Critic (as C-3PO):'''
R2-D2, WHERE ARE YOU?!
16th Sep '17 8:36:02 AM TheAmazingBlachman
Is there an issue? Send a Message


-->'''Critic:''' Better...? Uh, what do you mean by that?
'''Tamara Elsa:''' Harsh winter weather will create a million memes! ''(shot of a picture of Elsa saying "HEY MIDWEST, YOU WANNA SEE WHAT MY MIDDLE FINGER CAN DO?")''
'''Critic:''' Oh, c'mon, those are so old!
'''Tamara Elsa:''' Costumes from this kid's movie will meet [[SexyWhateverOutfit our slutty extremes]]! ''(shot of "Sexy Elsa" costume)''

to:

-->'''Critic:''' Better...? Uh, what do you mean by that?
that?\\
'''Tamara Elsa:''' Harsh winter weather will create a million memes! ''(shot of a picture of Elsa saying "HEY MIDWEST, YOU WANNA SEE WHAT MY MIDDLE FINGER CAN DO?")''
DO?")''\\
'''Critic:''' Oh, c'mon, those are so old!
old!\\
'''Tamara Elsa:''' Costumes from this kid's movie will meet [[SexyWhateverOutfit our slutty extremes]]! ''(shot of "Sexy Elsa" costume)''costume)''\\
16th Sep '17 8:35:27 AM TheAmazingBlachman
Is there an issue? Send a Message


'''Doug Sam:''' You didn't see anything, didchu, Mr. Cameraman? ''[The cameraman shakes his head]'' Well, best not take any chances. ''[Sam [[SeanConneryIsAboutToShootYou proceeds to shoot the camera]]]''\\

to:

'''Doug Sam:''' You Joo didn't see anything, didchu, Mr. Cameraman? ''[The cameraman shakes his head]'' Well, best not take any chances. ''[Sam [[SeanConneryIsAboutToShootYou proceeds to shoot the camera]]]''\\



* At the end of the video, Tamara!Elsa asks the Critic if [[{{Earworm}} he wanted to build a snowman]]. The Critic responds by [[OffHandBackHand smacking her in the face with his fist]], and the video ends just when he was about to knock her out.

to:

* At the end of the video, Tamara!Elsa Tamara Elsa asks the Critic if [[{{Earworm}} he wanted to build a snowman]]. The Critic responds by [[OffHandBackHand smacking her in the face with his fist]], and the video ends just when he was about to knock her out.



--> '''Critic:''' "The damn film's five months old, move on to something else!"
--> '''Elsa (Tamara):''' [[WesternAnimation/TheLegoMovie "Everything is Awesome!!"]]
--> '''Critic:''' "Okay, not that one."

to:

--> '''Critic:''' "The The damn film's five months old, move on to something else!"
-->
else!\\
'''Elsa (Tamara):''' [[WesternAnimation/TheLegoMovie "Everything is Awesome!!"]]
-->
Awesome!!"]]\\
'''Critic:''' "Okay, Okay, not that one."



--> '''Critic:''' "Better...? Uh, what do you mean by that?"
--> '''Tamara!Elsa:''' "Harsh winter weather will create a million memes!" *shot of a picture of Elsa saying "HEY MIDWEST, YOU WANNA SEE WHAT MY MIDDLE FINGER CAN DO?"
--> '''Critic:''' "Oh, c'mon, those are so old!"
--> '''Tamara!Elsa:''' "Costumes from this kid's movie will meet [[SexyWhateverOutfit our slutty extremes]]!" *shot of "Sexy Elsa" costume*
--> '''Critic:''' "Jesus Christ, it's Disney!"

to:

--> '''Critic:''' "Better...-->'''Critic:''' Better...? Uh, what do you mean by that?"
--> '''Tamara!Elsa:''' "Harsh
that?
'''Tamara Elsa:''' Harsh
winter weather will create a million memes!" *shot memes! ''(shot of a picture of Elsa saying "HEY MIDWEST, YOU WANNA SEE WHAT MY MIDDLE FINGER CAN DO?"
-->
DO?")''
'''Critic:''' "Oh, Oh, c'mon, those are so old!"
--> '''Tamara!Elsa:''' "Costumes
old!
'''Tamara Elsa:''' Costumes
from this kid's movie will meet [[SexyWhateverOutfit our slutty extremes]]!" *shot extremes]]! ''(shot of "Sexy Elsa" costume*
-->
costume)''
'''Critic:''' "Jesus Jesus Christ, it's Disney!"''Disney!''
16th Sep '17 8:32:09 AM TheAmazingBlachman
Is there an issue? Send a Message


-->'''Fluttershy:''' Some motherbuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.

to:

-->'''Fluttershy:''' --->'''Fluttershy:''' Some motherbuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.



-->And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, along with his son, teehee, haha... his son pwff, heckle heckle, I can't believe I'm saying this... his son Blackheart, plahahaha, okay guys, who's punking me? Then some other stuff happened that I'm sure means you're going to Hell, love God unless he's in an [[GoodIsNotNice Old Testament mood (in which case fear the shit out of him)]], and try your best to make sense of this book filled with inconsistencies. [[TakeThat Also try not to use this book about teaching love]] [[TheFundamentalist to judge and hate]], [[TemptingFate but what're the odds of that happening]]?

to:

-->And --->And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, along with his son, teehee, haha... his son pwff, heckle heckle, I can't believe I'm saying this... his son Blackheart, plahahaha, okay guys, who's punking me? Then some other stuff happened that I'm sure means you're going to Hell, love God unless he's in an [[GoodIsNotNice Old Testament mood (in which case fear the shit out of him)]], and try your best to make sense of this book filled with inconsistencies. [[TakeThat Also try not to use this book about teaching love]] [[TheFundamentalist to judge and hate]], [[TemptingFate but what're the odds of that happening]]?



'''Critic!Legion''': And seeing how we are many, we all took a vote to see if we should talk normally, or '''''STRETCH OUT OUR VOWEEEEEEEELS!''''' ''[beat]'' '''''LIKE DAAARK HEAAAAAART!'''''

to:

'''Critic!Legion''': '''Critic (as Legion):''' And seeing how we are many, we all took a vote to see if we should talk normally, or '''''STRETCH OUT OUR VOWEEEEEEEELS!''''' ''[beat]'' '''''LIKE DAAARK HEAAAAAART!'''''



-->'''Tamara''': And why do I have to be dressed as sexy Dorothy while wearing a sombrero? Why is there even a sexy Dorothy costume? Who the fuck is turned on by sexy Dorothy?
--> '''Critic''': I didn't make up the nonsensical rules of the afterlife. I just know that if you two stop doing that, I'll disappear, the review will be over, and both of you will be out of a job. Got it?
--> '''Tamara''': Ugh! This is a bunch of bullshit.
--> '''Critic''': Ah buh buh. In your Dorothy voice.
--> '''Tamara''': (Sigh, then using a Dorothy impression) Golly gee Mr. Critic. This sure is a lot of bullshit.
--> '''Critic''': It's but a small price to pay to be in the land of the living. Now away with you, the dead grieve at your presence.
--> '''Tamara''': I thought I'd like him better dead.
--> '''Critic''': ''Dorothy Voice.''
--> '''Tamara''': (Using the impression again) I thought I'd like him better dead!

to:

-->'''Tamara''': -->'''Tamara:''' And why do I have to be dressed as sexy Dorothy while wearing a sombrero? Why is there even a sexy Dorothy costume? Who the fuck is turned on by sexy Dorothy?
--> '''Critic''':
Dorothy?\\
'''Critic:'''
I didn't make up the nonsensical rules of the afterlife. I just know that if you two stop doing that, I'll disappear, the review will be over, and both of you will be out of a job. Got it?
--> '''Tamara''':
it?\\
'''Tamara:'''
Ugh! This is a bunch of bullshit.
--> '''Critic''':
bullshit.\\
'''Critic:'''
Ah buh buh. In your Dorothy voice. \n--> '''Tamara''': \\
'''Tamara:'''
(Sigh, then using a Dorothy impression) Golly gee gee, Mr. Critic. This sure is a lot of bullshit. \n--> '''Critic''': \\
'''Critic:'''
It's but a small price to pay to be in the land of the living. Now away with you, the dead grieve at your presence. \n--> '''Tamara''': \\
'''Tamara:'''
I thought I'd like him better dead.
--> '''Critic''':
dead.\\
'''Critic:'''
''Dorothy Voice.''
--> '''Tamara''': (Using
''\\
'''Tamara:''' ''(using
the impression again) again)'' I thought I'd like him better dead!



-->'''Nostalgia Critic''' ''(The critic [[GlassesPull takes off his glasses]] and does a FacePalm)'' Because that's what a teenage boy talking to the parent of a girl he wants to get with would say. "Put the bitch on." Yeah. It's like you put a hidden camera in a real family's house because you guys are just capturing reality so well! In fact, are you sure you didn't do that? Are you sure you didn't put a hidden camera in some family's house and this is just the recordings that you're showing us? It's so fucking realistic! Goooood! Movie, were you just raised in a burlap bag being beaten by other unfunny [=DVDs=] of Carlos Mencia, (a picture of people beating Ghost Dad with Carlos Mencia [=DVDs=] in a burlap bag is shown) and then suddenly released into the world thinking, "Yeah, I can represent the social interactions of the human animal." Well, lemme tell you something, movie. Come here, come here, come here. Little closer, little closer, little closer. (taking his gun out) Fuck you! *bang!*

to:

-->'''Nostalgia Critic''' ''(The critic [[GlassesPull Critic:''' ''([[GlassesPull takes off his glasses]] and does a FacePalm)'' Because that's what a teenage boy talking to the parent of a girl he wants to get with would say. "Put the bitch on." Yeah. It's like you put a hidden camera in a real family's house because you guys are just capturing reality so well! In fact, are you sure you didn't do that? Are you sure you didn't put a hidden camera in some family's house and this is just the recordings that you're showing us? It's so fucking realistic! Goooood! Movie, were you just raised in a burlap bag being beaten by other unfunny [=DVDs=] of Carlos Mencia, (a ''(a picture of people beating Ghost Dad with Carlos Mencia [=DVDs=] in a burlap bag is shown) shown)'' and then suddenly released into the world thinking, "Yeah, I can represent the social interactions of the human animal." Well, lemme tell you something, movie. Come here, come here, come here. Little closer, little closer, little closer. (taking his gun out) Fuck you! *bang!*
14th Sep '17 6:38:05 PM ironballs16
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* The Critic points out that Creator/PaulGiamatti, who he thinks is a great actor, was very underused in the new movies, going so far as to use the scene in ''{{Sideways}}'' where he's on the phone having a conversation with his agent, and the scene where he drinks a tub of wine over his disappointment.

to:

* The Critic points out that Creator/PaulGiamatti, who he thinks is a great actor, [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodCharacter was very underused in the new movies, movies]], going so far as to use the scene in ''{{Sideways}}'' where he's on the phone having a conversation with his agent, and the scene where he drinks a tub of wine over his disappointment.
14th Sep '17 2:37:39 PM TheAmazingBlachman
Is there an issue? Send a Message


-->'''Tamara:''' Did you know that is my favorite movie ever?
-->'''Critic:''' I don't even know what your last name is!

to:

-->'''Tamara:''' --->'''Tamara:''' Did you know that is my favorite movie ever?
-->'''Critic:'''
ever?\\
'''Critic:'''
I don't even know what your last name is!



--> '''Nostalgia Critic:''' Oh, come on, [[Series/LostInSpace Dr. Smith]], you're about as subtle as a fucking train-wreck... On a boat.

to:

--> ---> '''Nostalgia Critic:''' Oh, come on, [[Series/LostInSpace Dr. Smith]], you're about as subtle as a fucking train-wreck... On a boat.



-->'''Cage:''' You mean that men are like... what? Second class citizens?
-->'''Sister Summerisle''': Oh no, not at all! We love our men. We're just not subservient to them. Men are a very important part of our little colony. Breeding, you know.
-->'''Critic''': My god, this island is ''terrible''. All the men do around here is mate, and stay at home, and mate, and not have to talk to anybody, and [[RuleOfThree mate]], and-- can I vacation here?

to:

-->'''Cage:''' You mean that men are like... what? Second class citizens?
-->'''Sister
citizens?\\
'''Sister
Summerisle''': Oh no, not at all! We love our men. We're just not subservient to them. Men are a very important part of our little colony. Breeding, you know.
-->'''Critic''':
know.\\
'''Critic''':
My god, this island is ''terrible''. All the men do around here is mate, and stay at home, and mate, and not have to talk to anybody, and [[RuleOfThree mate]], and-- can I vacation here?



-->"[[Franchise/TheMuppets Waka-Waka]], ''whore''!" *PUNCH*
-->"[[{{Literature/Goldilocks}} Papa Bear says]] this bitch is too ''conscious''!" *PUNCH*
-->"[[Literature/TheBerenstainBears The Berenstain Family]] says hi!" *PUNCH*
-->"Allow me to introduce myself, I'm [[Literature/WinnieThePooh Winnie the SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP]]! *PUNCH*
-->"[[Disney/TheJungleBook The Bare Necessities]] would like for you to get more acquainted with the ground! *PUNCH*
-->"''[[WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfTheGummiBears Gummi Bears]], bouncing here and there'' and in your FACE! *PUNCH*
-->"Sister Rose, meet Disney/BrotherBear! *PUNCH*
-->"I hear you've been harnessing [[WesternAnimation/YogiBear pic-a-nic baskets]]! *PUNCH*
-->"[[PaddingtonBear Paddington]] told me we should meet face to fist! *PUNCH*
-->"''Can't get enough of that Golden Crisp, it's got the crunch with'' PUNCH! *PUNCH*
-->"Only you can prevent not getting your ass kicked by Nicholas ''Fucking'' Cage! *PUNCH*

to:

-->"[[Franchise/TheMuppets Waka-Waka]], ''whore''!" *PUNCH*
-->"[[{{Literature/Goldilocks}}
*PUNCH*\\
"[[{{Literature/Goldilocks}}
Papa Bear says]] this bitch is too ''conscious''!" *PUNCH*
-->"[[Literature/TheBerenstainBears
*PUNCH*\\
"[[Literature/TheBerenstainBears
The Berenstain Family]] says hi!" *PUNCH*
-->"Allow
*PUNCH*\\
"Allow
me to introduce myself, I'm [[Literature/WinnieThePooh Winnie the SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP]]! *PUNCH*
-->"[[Disney/TheJungleBook
*PUNCH*\\
"[[Disney/TheJungleBook
The Bare Necessities]] would like for you to get more acquainted with the ground! *PUNCH*
-->"''[[WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfTheGummiBears
*PUNCH*\\
"''[[WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfTheGummiBears
Gummi Bears]], bouncing here and there'' and in your FACE! *PUNCH*
-->"Sister
*PUNCH*\\
"Sister
Rose, meet Disney/BrotherBear! *PUNCH*
-->"I
*PUNCH*\\
"I
hear you've been harnessing [[WesternAnimation/YogiBear pic-a-nic baskets]]! *PUNCH*
-->"[[PaddingtonBear
*PUNCH*\\
"[[PaddingtonBear
Paddington]] told me we should meet face to fist! *PUNCH*
-->"''Can't
*PUNCH*\\
"''Can't
get enough of that Golden Crisp, it's got the crunch with'' PUNCH! *PUNCH*
-->"Only
*PUNCH*\\
"Only
you can prevent not getting your ass kicked by Nicholas ''Fucking'' Cage! *PUNCH*



-->'''Critic''': Not the memes! Not the memes!

to:

-->'''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' Not the memes! Not ''Not'' the memes!



--> '''Critic''': And yes, it looks like Cage has finally had enough of this goddamn motherfucking island. Time to punch a [[IncrediblyLamePun Beech]] in the mouth.

to:

--> '''Critic''': --->'''Critic:''' And yes, it looks like Cage has finally had enough of this goddamn motherfucking island. Time to punch a [[IncrediblyLamePun Beech]] in the mouth.



'''Doug!!Sam:''' Alright... ''[Sam does directional motions and mumbles even more incoherently than before. He starts handing her [[NoodleImplements a banana, a football, and an Alf doll]] as he mumbles]''\\

to:

'''Doug!!Sam:''' '''Doug Sam:''' Alright... ''[Sam does directional motions and mumbles even more incoherently than before. He starts handing her [[NoodleImplements a banana, a football, and an Alf doll]] as he mumbles]''\\



'''Doug!!Sam:''' Don't you threaten me, you son of a bitch!\\
'''Woman:''' Just help me! Just help me!\\
''He then pulls a revolver and shoots her. Then he turns to the camera.''
--> '''Doug!!Sam:''' You didn't see anything, did you, Mr. Cameraman? ''[The cameraman shakes his head]'' Well, best not take any chances. ''[Sam [[SeanConneryIsAboutToShootYou proceeds to shoot you]]]''
--> '''Announcer:''' [=SamWow=]. Because someone needs to soak up all that blood! And remember. ''[Sam Elliott pops up in the corner]''
--> '''Sam:''' ''[mumbles some more]'' Say, friend, you got any more of that good sarsaparilla? ''[drops a coin in the Big Lebowski jar as the commercial ends]''

to:

'''Doug!!Sam:''' Don't you threaten me, you son of a bitch!\\
'''Doug Sam:''' ''(grabs her by the shoulders)'' Donchuthreatenme, ''you sunnoffabitch!''\\
'''Woman:''' Just help me! Just help me!\\
''He
''help me!''\\
''[he
then pulls a revolver and shoots her. Then her; then he turns to the camera.''
--> '''Doug!!Sam:'''
camera]''\\
'''Doug Sam:'''
You didn't see anything, did you, didchu, Mr. Cameraman? ''[The cameraman shakes his head]'' Well, best not take any chances. ''[Sam [[SeanConneryIsAboutToShootYou proceeds to shoot you]]]''
-->
the camera]]]''\\
'''Announcer:''' [=SamWow=]. Because someone needs to soak up all that blood! And remember. ''[Sam Elliott pops up in the corner]''
--> '''Sam:'''
corner]''\\
'''Doug Sam:'''
''[mumbles some more]'' Say, friend, you got any more of that good sarsaparilla? ''[drops a coin in the Big Lebowski jar as the commercial ends]''



-->'''Critic!!Mario:''' Here we go! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, ha ha! ''[reading the credit that popped up]'' Look out for the "In Association with Relativity Media!" Whoa!

to:

-->'''Critic!!Mario:''' -->'''Critic (as Mario):''' Here we go! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, ha ha! ''[reading the credit that popped up]'' Look out for the "In Association with Relativity Media!" Whoa!



-->'''Blackheart!Legion:''' My name is Leeeeeeeeeeegion, for we are...manyyyyyyyyyy!
-->'''Critic!Legion''': And seeing how we are many, we all took a vote to see if we should talk normally, or '''''STRETCH OUT OUR VOWEEEEEEEELS!''''' ''[beat]'' '''''LIKE DAAARK HEAAAAAART!'''''

to:

-->'''Blackheart!Legion:''' --->'''Blackheart Legion:''' My name is Leeeeeeeeeeegion, for we are...manyyyyyyyyyy!
-->'''Critic!Legion''':
manyyyyyyyyyy!\\
'''Critic!Legion''':
And seeing how we are many, we all took a vote to see if we should talk normally, or '''''STRETCH OUT OUR VOWEEEEEEEELS!''''' ''[beat]'' '''''LIKE DAAARK HEAAAAAART!'''''



-->'''Doug!Cage''': ...were you at least able to have me [[MindScrew surfing elephant breath while eating my dreams]]?

to:

-->'''Doug!Cage''': ...-->'''Doug (as Cage):''' ...were you at least able to have me [[MindScrew surfing elephant breath while eating my dreams]]?



--->'''Text''': You want to do WHAT in a bear costume????

to:

--->'''Text''': --->'''Text:''' You want to do WHAT in a bear costume????



-->'''Ghost Rider:''' Your soul is stained by the blood of the innocent.
-->'''Critic!Thug:''' Well, [[LameComeback you have no lips and yet somehow you still form consonants!]]

to:

-->'''Ghost Rider:''' Your soul is stained by the blood of the innocent.
-->'''Critic!Thug:'''
innocent.\\
'''Critic (as Thug):'''
Well, [[LameComeback you have no lips and yet somehow you still form consonants!]]



--> '''Critic:''' Hey, don't you know? You don't put a monkey in a cage, [[Film/TheWickerMan2006 you put a Cage in a bear!]] ...[[ItMakesSenseInContext It just makes more sense]].

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Hey, don't you know? You don't put a monkey in a cage, [[Film/TheWickerMan2006 you put a Cage in a bear!]] ...[[ItMakesSenseInContext It just makes more sense]].



-->'''Critic''': I'll...just assume he was an evil iguana.

to:

-->'''Critic''': -->'''Critic:''' I'll...just assume he was an evil iguana.
13th Sep '17 12:00:27 PM TheAmazingBlachman
Is there an issue? Send a Message


--> '''Nicolas Cage''' (''singing''): ''I'm Nicolas Cage, and I was in Film/LordOfWar. [[Film/TheWickerMan2006 "Not the bees", another movie I was in]]--'' (''speaking'') I think it was called Film/GhostRider and [[Film/{{Adaptation}} I played my brother or something or other. I was really fat in that]], but I think I got it through-- the vision, y'know. I'm Nicolas Cage.

to:

--> '''Nicolas Cage''' (''singing''): ''I'm --->'''Nicolas Cage:''' ♪''I'm Nicolas Cage, and I was in Film/LordOfWar. [[Film/TheWickerMan2006 "Not the bees", another movie I was in]]--'' (''speaking'') in]]--''♪ I think it was called Film/GhostRider and [[Film/{{Adaptation}} I played my brother or something or other. I was really fat in that]], but I think I got it through-- the through. The vision, y'know.y'know... I'm Nicolas Cage.



--> '''Critic!Castor Troy''': (Misses shot) Dammit! (Misses again) Sonovabitch! ([[RuleOfThree Misses yet again]]) [[Film/{{TheRock}} ZEUS' BUTTHOLE]], I'M BAD AT THIS!

to:

--> '''Critic!Castor Troy''': (Misses shot) -->'''Critic (as Castor Troy):''' ''(misses shot)'' Dammit! (Misses again) ''(misses again)'' Sonovabitch! ([[RuleOfThree Misses ''([[RuleOfThree misses yet again]]) again]])'' [[Film/{{TheRock}} ZEUS' BUTTHOLE]], I'M BAD AT THIS!



--> ''Ohhhhhhhhhh'''''''hhhhhhhhhhhh!'''''

to:

--> ''Ohhhhhhhhhh'''''''hhhhhhhhhhhh!'''''-->''Ohhhhhhhhhh'''''''hhhhhhhhhhhh!'''''



-->'''Man on loudspeaker:''' We ''will'' make you do ''Film/GhostRider 3''!
-->'''Critic!!Castor Troy:''' Oh come on, guys! I pissed fire in the [[Film/GhostRiderSpiritOfVengeance last one]]! [[EveryoneHasStandards Even I thought that was kind of stupid!]]

to:

-->'''Man on loudspeaker:''' We ''will'' make you do ''Film/GhostRider 3''!
-->'''Critic!!Castor Troy:''' Oh
3''!\\
'''Critic (as Castor Troy):''' Oh,
come on, guys! I pissed fire in the [[Film/GhostRiderSpiritOfVengeance last one]]! [[EveryoneHasStandards Even I thought that was kind of stupid!]]
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.TheNostalgiaCritic2014Episodes