History Funny / TheFrantics

19th Jan '15 10:36:31 PM mlsmithca
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'''Lawyer:''' "... who grubbed with her husband Hank, grubbed for everything they could get from me, and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy..."\\

to:

'''Lawyer:''' "... who [[GoldDigger grubbed with her husband Hank, grubbed for everything they could get from me, me,]] and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy..."\\



'''Jenny:''' What?! ''(wh-thunk)'' OW!\\

to:

'''Jenny:''' What?! ''(wh-thunk)'' OW!\\OW! ''(Hedge laughs again)''\\



'''Hedge:''' I'm coverin' up my head!\\

to:

'''Hedge:''' [[GenreSavvy I'm coverin' up my head!\\head!]]\\



'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ooh!\\

to:

'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ooh!\\Ugh!\\



'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ohh!\\
'''Hank:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Oww!

to:

'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ohh!\\
Uhh!\\
'''Hank:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Oww!Ohh!



--->'''Lawyer:''' "And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil!? To be placed in his trousers?!" ''(roaring and growling; the lawyer yelps in pain and begins speaking more quickly and urgently)'' "And I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the people of [[PlaceWorseThanDeath Calgary]] so they can afford to move somewhere decent!"\\

to:

--->'''Lawyer:''' "And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil!? To be placed in his trousers?!" ''(roaring and growling; the lawyer yelps in pain and begins speaking more quickly and urgently)'' "And - and - and I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the people of [[PlaceWorseThanDeath Calgary]] so they can afford to move somewhere decent!"\\



'''Hedge:''' That's disgraceful!\\

to:

'''Hedge:''' That's disgraceful!\\disgraceful! ''(murmurs of agreement)''\\



'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' What flavour is it?\\
'''Lawyer:''' Boot to the head. ''(sound of many boots to the head and cries of surprise and pain)''

to:

'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' What Well, what flavour is it?\\
'''Lawyer:''' Boot to the head. ''(sound of many boots to the head and cries of surprise and pain)''pain)''
----
19th Jan '15 11:44:05 AM mlsmithca
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** We are introduced to the prospective heirs - Arthur's alcoholic brother Hedge (Dan Redican), his histrionic sister Jenny (Carolyn Scott) and her drippy husband Hank (Peter Wildman), his smug nephew Ralston (Rick Green), and his devoted housekeeper Mrs. Mulroy (Carolyn Scott again). His bequest to his Jenny and Hank sets the tone:

to:

** We are introduced to the prospective heirs - Arthur's alcoholic brother Hedge (Dan Redican), his histrionic sister Jenny (Carolyn Scott) and her drippy husband Hank (Peter Wildman), his smug nephew Ralston (Rick Green), and his devoted housekeeper Mrs. Mulroy (Carolyn Scott again). His bequest to his Jenny and Hank sets the tone:
19th Jan '15 11:43:47 AM mlsmithca
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* In the same vein as "Ti Kwan Leep" is "Last Will and Temperament", in which the late Arthur Muldoon, through his lawyer, vents his frustration on his useless relatives:
** We are introduced to the prospective heirs - Arthur's brother Hedge, his sister Jenny and her husband Hank, his nephew Ralston, and his housekeeper Mrs. Mulroy. His bequest to his sister Jenny and her husband Hank sets the tone:
--->'''Lawyer (Paul Chato):''' As the executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's last will and testament.\\
'''Hedge (Dan Redican):''' Well, get on with it, the bars open soon.\\
'''Jenny (Carolyn Scott):''' ''(theatrical sobs)'' Oh, poor dear Arthur! ''(wails)''\\
'''Hank (Peter Wildman):''' Oh, there, there, Jenny...\\
'''Ralston (Rick Green):''' ''(utterly uninterested)'' God, how predictably boring.\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy (Carolyn Scott):''' I never worked for a kinder man.\\

to:

* In the same vein as "Ti Kwan Leep" is "Last Will and Temperament", in which the late Arthur Muldoon, through his lawyer, lawyer (Paul Chato), vents his frustration on his useless relatives:
** We are introduced to the prospective heirs - Arthur's alcoholic brother Hedge, Hedge (Dan Redican), his histrionic sister Jenny (Carolyn Scott) and her drippy husband Hank, Hank (Peter Wildman), his smug nephew Ralston, Ralston (Rick Green), and his devoted housekeeper Mrs. Mulroy. Mulroy (Carolyn Scott again). His bequest to his sister Jenny and her husband Hank sets the tone:
--->'''Lawyer (Paul Chato):''' --->'''Lawyer:''' As the executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's last will and testament.\\
'''Hedge (Dan Redican):''' '''Hedge:''' Well, get on with it, the bars open soon.\\
'''Jenny (Carolyn Scott):''' '''Jenny:''' ''(theatrical sobs)'' Oh, poor dear Arthur! ''(wails)''\\
'''Hank (Peter Wildman):''' '''Hank:''' Oh, there, there, Jenny...\\
'''Ralston (Rick Green):''' '''Ralston:''' ''(utterly uninterested)'' God, how predictably boring.\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy (Carolyn Scott):''' Mulroy:''' I never worked for a kinder man.\\
19th Jan '15 1:35:19 AM mlsmithca
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'''Lawyer:''' "And a boot to the head." ''(wh-thunk)''\\

to:

'''Lawyer:''' [[BaitAndSwitch "And a boot to the head." "]] ''(wh-thunk)''\\



** Ralston knows what's coming, so the late Arthur doesn't beat about the bush:

to:

** Ralston [[GenreSavvy knows what's coming, coming]], so the late Arthur doesn't beat about the bush:



'''Lawyer:''' "And so to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire, vast... boot to the head." ''(wh-thunk; [[ThatPoorCat pained meow]])''

to:

'''Lawyer:''' [[PetHeir "And so to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire, vast... vast...]] [[BaitAndSwitch boot to the head." "]] ''(wh-thunk; [[ThatPoorCat pained meow]])''



--->'''Lawyer:''' "And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil!? To be placed in his trousers?!" ''(roaring and growling; the lawyer yelps in pain and begins speaking more quickly and urgently)'' "And I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move somewhere decent!"\\

to:

--->'''Lawyer:''' "And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil!? To be placed in his trousers?!" ''(roaring and growling; the lawyer yelps in pain and begins speaking more quickly and urgently)'' "And I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the people of Calgary [[PlaceWorseThanDeath Calgary]] so they can afford to move somewhere decent!"\\
19th Jan '15 1:28:50 AM mlsmithca
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'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' What flavour is it.\\

to:

'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' What flavour is it.\\it?\\
19th Jan '15 1:28:36 AM mlsmithca
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* And from the similarly themed "Last Will & Testament", about the reading of Mr. Muldoon's will: "And another for Jenny and the wimp." '''[SMACK]''' "Ow!" '''[SMACK]''' "Ow!".

to:

* And from In the similarly themed same vein as "Ti Kwan Leep" is "Last Will & Testament", about and Temperament", in which the reading late Arthur Muldoon, through his lawyer, vents his frustration on his useless relatives:
** We are introduced to the prospective heirs - Arthur's brother Hedge, his sister Jenny and her husband Hank, his nephew Ralston, and his housekeeper Mrs. Mulroy. His bequest to his sister Jenny and her husband Hank sets the tone:
--->'''Lawyer (Paul Chato):''' As the executor
of Mr. Muldoon's will: estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's last will and testament.\\
'''Hedge (Dan Redican):''' Well, get on with it, the bars open soon.\\
'''Jenny (Carolyn Scott):''' ''(theatrical sobs)'' Oh, poor dear Arthur! ''(wails)''\\
'''Hank (Peter Wildman):''' Oh, there, there, Jenny...\\
'''Ralston (Rick Green):''' ''(utterly uninterested)'' God, how predictably boring.\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy (Carolyn Scott):''' I never worked for a kinder man.\\
'''Lawyer:''' If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.\\
'''Ralston:''' I knew it. ''(Hedge chuckles)''\\
'''Lawyer:''' "I, Arthur Durham Muldoon, being of sound mind and body..."\\
'''Hedge:''' That's a laugh! Ha ha!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly emotional sister, Jenny..." ''(Jenny wails loudly)''\\
'''Hank:''' Jenny, darling, he's talking about us.\\
'''Jenny:''' ''(stops wailing immediately)'' Oh.\\
'''Lawyer:''' "... who grubbed with her husband Hank, grubbed for everything they could get from me, and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy..."\\
'''Jenny:''' What??\\
'''Lawyer:''' "... to Jenny, I leave... a boot to the head."\\
'''Jenny:''' A what!? ''(wh-thunk)'' Ow!\\
'''Hank:''' Jenny, are you okay?\\
'''Lawyer:''' "And another boot to her wimpy husband, Hank." ''(wh-thunk)''\\
'''Hank:''' OW! ''(Hedge laughs)''\\
'''Jenny:''' This is an outrage!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "Ah, but still... you are my sister... you have both admired my Rolls-Royce, and since I no longer need it..."\\
'''Jenny:''' Oh, dear Arthur, he's too kind!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "I bequeathe... another boot to the head."\\
'''Jenny:''' What?! ''(wh-thunk)'' OW!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "And one more for the wimp." ''(wh-thunk)''\\
'''Hank:''' Oww!
** Though his words for Hedge are harsher, his bequest seems kinder - at first:
--->'''Lawyer:''' "Next to my alcoholic brother..."\\
'''Hedge:''' Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "To dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life..."\\
'''Hedge:''' I'm coverin' up my head!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "... I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey."\\
'''Hedge:''' ... really?\\
'''Lawyer:''' "And a boot to the head." ''(wh-thunk)''\\
'''Hedge:''' Ohh!\\
'''Lawyer:'''
"And another for Jenny and the wimp."\\
'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ooh!\\
'''Hank:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ohh!
** Ralston knows what's coming, so the late Arthur doesn't beat about the bush:
--->'''Lawyer:''' "Next, to my know-it-all nephew Ralston..."\\
'''Ralston:''' This is ''so'' predictable...\\
'''Lawyer:''' "I leave a boot to the head.
" '''[SMACK]''' "Ow!" '''[SMACK]''' "Ow!".''(wh-thunk)''\\
'''Ralston:''' Ugh... I knew it!\\
'''Lawyer:''' [[RunningGag "And one for Jenny and the wimp."]]\\
'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ohh!\\
'''Hank:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Oww!
** His bequests to non-family members are just as sociopathic, if not more so:
--->'''Lawyer:''' "This takes care of family obligations. And now to Mrs. Mulroy."\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' Oh, ah... I don't want nothin'.\\
'''Lawyer:''' "Who took care of me faithfully these many, many years... who cared... made me laugh... brought me tea..."\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' Oh, I didn't mind!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "To Mrs. Mulroy, I bequeathe... a boot to the head." ''(wh-thunk)''\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' Ohh!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "And one for Jenny and the wimp!"\\
'''Jenny:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Aagh!\\
'''Hank:''' ''(wh-thunk)'' Ohh!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "And so to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire, vast... boot to the head." ''(wh-thunk; [[ThatPoorCat pained meow]])''
** The will proves to have a few twists in the tail:
--->'''Lawyer:''' "And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil!? To be placed in his trousers?!" ''(roaring and growling; the lawyer yelps in pain and begins speaking more quickly and urgently)'' "And I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move somewhere decent!"\\
'''Hank:''' Is that it?\\
'''Ralston:''' That's it?\\
'''Hedge:''' That's disgraceful!\\
'''Lawyer:''' There's one last thing for everyone.\\
'''Hedge:''' Cover your heads, everybody!\\
'''Lawyer:''' "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream."\\
'''Hank:''' Ice cream.\\
'''Hedge:''' Ice cream?\\
'''Ralston:''' Ice cream... that's all?\\
'''Lawyer:''' That's all.\\
'''Mrs. Mulroy:''' What flavour is it.\\
'''Lawyer:''' Boot to the head. ''(sound of many boots to the head and cries of surprise and pain)''
23rd Nov '14 2:49:29 AM Geoduck
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-->'''Ed Gruberman:''' Listen shrimp, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wipin' the walls with you?
-->'''Master:''' Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.\\

to:

-->'''Ed Gruberman:''' Listen shrimp, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wipin' the walls with you?
-->'''Master:'''
you?\\
'''Master:'''
Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.\\
8th Dec '13 5:05:52 AM Geoduck
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-->'''Master:''' Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.
-->'''Ed:''' Alright, finally some action.
-->'''Master:''' Observe closely class. Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:''' Oww! You booted me in the head!!
-->'''Master:''' You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon.
-->'''Ed:''' Ow, oh, my head...
-->'''Master:''' Now we continue.
-->'''Ed:''' Hey! Hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, come on, are ya ''chicken''?
-->'''Master:''' Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:''' Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
-->'''Master:''' Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:''' Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?

to:

-->'''Master:''' Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.
-->'''Ed:'''
see.\\
'''Ed:'''
Alright, finally some action.
-->'''Master:'''
action.\\
'''Master:'''
Observe closely class. Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:'''
'''[wh-thunk]'''\\
'''Ed:'''
Oww! You booted me in the head!!
-->'''Master:'''
head!!\\
'''Master:'''
You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon.
-->'''Ed:'''
soon.\\
'''Ed:'''
Ow, oh, my head...
-->'''Master:'''
head...\\
'''Master:'''
Now we continue.
-->'''Ed:'''
continue.\\
'''Ed:'''
Hey! Hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, come on, are ya ''chicken''?
-->'''Master:'''
''chicken''?\\
'''Master:'''
Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:'''
'''[wh-thunk]'''\\
'''Ed:'''
Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
-->'''Master:'''
now.\\
'''Master:'''
Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:'''
'''[wh-thunk]'''\\
'''Ed:'''
Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?



'''Student:''' And secondly -- get in the first shot. Boot to the head! '''[whoosh]'''
-->'''Master:''' ''You missed.''

to:

'''Student:''' And secondly -- get in the first shot. Boot to the head! '''[whoosh]'''
-->'''Master:'''
'''[whoosh]'''\\
'''Master:'''
''You missed.''
25th Jul '13 7:35:11 AM Geoduck
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Added DiffLines:

* Their comedy skit "Ti Kwan Leep", in which a master attempts to teach the titular martial art to a group of novices. The whole thing is awesome, but here's a sample:
-->'''Ed Gruberman:''' Listen shrimp, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wipin' the walls with you?
-->'''Master:''' Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.
-->'''Ed:''' Alright, finally some action.
-->'''Master:''' Observe closely class. Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:''' Oww! You booted me in the head!!
-->'''Master:''' You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon.
-->'''Ed:''' Ow, oh, my head...
-->'''Master:''' Now we continue.
-->'''Ed:''' Hey! Hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, come on, are ya ''chicken''?
-->'''Master:''' Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:''' Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
-->'''Master:''' Boot to the head. '''[wh-thunk]'''
-->'''Ed:''' Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?
** And later:
-->'''Master:''' Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman?\\
'''Student:''' Yes Master, I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to one's opponent.\\
'''Master:''' Very good.\\
'''Student:''' And secondly -- get in the first shot. Boot to the head! '''[whoosh]'''
-->'''Master:''' ''You missed.''
* And from the similarly themed "Last Will & Testament", about the reading of Mr. Muldoon's will: "And another for Jenny and the wimp." '''[SMACK]''' "Ow!" '''[SMACK]''' "Ow!".
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