History Funny / StartrekDeepspaceNine

23rd Apr '17 2:36:15 PM ShorinBJ
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* The otherwise heartbreaking episode "[[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS04E24TheQuickening The Quickening]]" starts with Quark having manipulated Deep Space Nine's systems to broadcast his advert: "Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun!". Major Kira threatens that if they aren't removed by the time she gets back from their next mission, "I will come to Quark's. And I ''will'' [[ToThePain have fun]]."

to:

* The otherwise heartbreaking episode "[[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS04E24TheQuickening The Quickening]]" starts with Quark having manipulated Deep Space Nine's systems to broadcast his advert: "Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun!". Major Kira threatens that if they aren't removed by the time she gets back from their next mission, "I "''I'' will come to Quark's. And believe me...I ''will'' [[ToThePain have fun]]."
18th Apr '17 5:15:27 AM StClair
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** Julien's professional opinion as Chief Medical Officer as to why Yoshi won't sleep.

to:

** Julien's Julian's professional opinion as Chief Medical Officer as to why Yoshi won't sleep.



---> '''Ezri:''' Human? Did I forget to wear my spots today?\\

to:

---> --> '''Ezri:''' Human? Did I forget to wear my spots today?\\



-->'''Damar:''' The execution is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Fourteen hundred hours.\\

to:

-->'''Damar:''' --->'''Damar:''' The execution is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Fourteen hundred hours.\\



'''Damar:''' No. [{{beat}} as he tries and fails to keep a straight face] Maybe you should talk to Worf again!

to:

'''Damar:''' No. [{{beat}} ''[{{beat}} as he tries and fails to keep a straight face] face]'' Maybe you should talk to Worf again!



-->'''Damar''': ''Well, helloooo!''

to:

-->'''Damar''': --->'''Damar''': ''Well, helloooo!''



-->'''O'Brien:''' "Julian, you are beginning to annoy me!"

to:

-->'''O'Brien:''' "Julian, Julian, you are beginning to annoy me!" me!



-->'''Admiral Ross:''' "I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for the Cardassians."

to:

-->'''Admiral Ross:''' "I I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for the Cardassians."



-->'''Garak:''' (giggling) Here we are, ready to storm the castle, willing to sacrifice our lives in a noble effort to slay the Dominion beast in its lair! (one of Damar's lackeys starts to smile, Kira starts to laugh) We can't even get inside the gates!
-->'''Kira:''' (giggling) Maybe, maybe we could go up to the door (makes a door-knocking gesture) and ask the Jem'Hadar to let us in!
-->'''Damar:''' (finally smiles) Or just have them send the shapeshifter out to us! (everyone laughs)

to:

-->'''Garak:''' (giggling) ''(giggling)'' Here we are, ready to storm the castle, willing to sacrifice our lives in a noble effort to slay the Dominion beast in its lair! (one ''(one of Damar's lackeys starts to smile, Kira starts to laugh) laugh)'' We can't even get inside the gates!
-->'''Kira:''' (giggling) ''(giggling)'' Maybe, maybe we could go up to the door (makes ''(makes a door-knocking gesture) knocking gesture)'' and ask the Jem'Hadar to let us in!
-->'''Damar:''' (finally smiles) ''(finally smiles)'' Or just have them send the shapeshifter out to us! (everyone laughs)''(everyone laughs)''
18th Apr '17 5:08:56 AM StClair
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-->'''Worf:''' I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise I was considered quite amusing.

to:

-->'''Worf:''' I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise ''Enterprise'' I was considered quite amusing.



--> ''(Odo seizes her and gives a BigDamnKiss.)

to:

--> ''(Odo seizes her and gives a BigDamnKiss.))''



** Same episode- Quark clearly enjoying himself baiting poor lovesick Odo:
-->'''Quark''': You're not exactly the most lovable person in the galaxy. You're not even the most lovable person in this sector. Or on the station. Or even in this room.


Added DiffLines:

** Earlier, Quark was clearly enjoying himself baiting poor lovesick Odo:
--->'''Quark''': You're not exactly the most lovable person in the galaxy. You're not even the most lovable person in this sector. Or on the station. Or even in this ''room''.
18th Apr '17 4:50:55 AM StClair
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-->'''Dr. Bashir:''' Quark, I just got an odd message from a Dr. Orpax on Ferenginar. He wanted me to tell you he's very sorry. You don't have Dorek's syndrome. Does that make any sense to you?
-->'''Rom:''' You don't have Dorek's Syndrome...
-->'''Quark:''' You know what that means, Rom?
-->'''Rom:''' It means you're going to live!
-->'''Quark:''' ''(Elated with realization)'' IT MEANS I GET TO SUE DR. ORPAX FOR MALPRACTICE! ...and I'm going to live.

to:

-->'''Dr.--->'''Dr. Bashir:''' Quark, I just got an odd message from a Dr. Orpax on Ferenginar. He wanted me to tell you he's very sorry. You don't have Dorek's syndrome.Syndrome. Does that make any sense to you?
-->'''Rom:''' --->'''Rom:''' You don't have Dorek's Syndrome...
-->'''Quark:''' --->'''Quark:''' You know what that means, Rom?
-->'''Rom:''' --->'''Rom:''' It means you're going to live!
-->'''Quark:''' --->'''Quark:''' ''(Elated with realization)'' IT MEANS I GET TO SUE DR. ORPAX FOR MALPRACTICE! ...and I'm going to live.



--> '''Quark:''' Maybe I wasn't clear.... I'm not dying.
--> '''Brunt:''' Maybe ''I'' wasn't clear.... I don't ''care''. I want...my merchandise. Now, I have...a ''thousand'' ideas on how to defile your remains. [[PsychoticSmirk Would you like to hear my favorites?]]
** The reason Brunt wants his ashes-equivalent isn't business; it's because he hates Quark so much he wants him dead (or at least to have to break a contract with a Ferengi, which essentially makes other Ferengi treat him as if he were dead). Why? Because in his view, Quark is too nice to his employees and customers. This culminates with Quark accidentally slipping out that he gives his employees vacation, infuriating Brunt even further. Then Quark tries to backpedal by claiming the employees have to pay for their vacation, but Brunt sees right through him:
--> '''Quark:''' I didn't give them anything. They contributed to a central fund which I manage.
--> '''Brunt:''' [[ChewingTheScenery You dis-GUST me]].

to:

--> ---> '''Quark:''' Maybe I wasn't clear.... I'm not dying.
--> ---> '''Brunt:''' Maybe ''I'' wasn't clear.... I don't ''care''. I want...my merchandise. Now, I have...a ''thousand'' ideas on how to defile your remains. [[PsychoticSmirk Would you like to hear my favorites?]]
** The reason Brunt wants his ashes-equivalent isn't business; it's because he hates Quark so much he wants him dead (or at least to have to break a contract with a Ferengi, which essentially makes other Ferengi treat him as if he were dead). Why? Because in his view, Quark is too nice ''too nice'' to his employees and customers. This culminates with Quark accidentally slipping out that he gives his employees vacation, infuriating Brunt even further. Then Quark tries to backpedal by claiming the employees have to pay for their vacation, but Brunt sees right through him:
--> ---> '''Quark:''' I didn't give them anything. They contributed to a central fund which I manage.
--> ---> '''Brunt:''' [[ChewingTheScenery You dis-GUST me]].



--> '''Quark:''' Captain, you can't do this! ''(off Sisko's look)'' Not without paying a storage fee....A minimum storage fee. Practically nothing.\\

to:

--> ---> '''Quark:''' Captain, you can't do this! ''(off Sisko's look)'' Not without paying a storage fee....A minimum storage fee. Practically nothing.\\
18th Apr '17 4:47:39 AM StClair
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'''Q:''' Or what, you'll ravish me? (''realizes he was supposed to say "thrash me"'')\\

to:

'''Q:''' Or what, you'll ravish me? (''realizes he was supposed to say "thrash me"'')\\me"'') Sorry.\\



-->'''Koloth''': [[ShapedLikeItself I am Koloth.]]\\

to:

-->'''Koloth''': --->'''Koloth''': [[ShapedLikeItself I am Koloth.]]\\



-->'''Cardassian defense lawyer:''' What happened? \\

to:

-->'''Cardassian --->'''Cardassian defense lawyer:''' What happened? \\



* Dukat's hilariously awkward team-up with the main characters when he screws up and can't beam out of the station -- ''[[{{Troll}} after he'd beamed in specifically to gloat at them for not being able to fix the problem.]]'' Basically anything Dukat does in that episode, from his epic snarkbattle with Garak to his ordering tea from the replicator that's shooting at everybody.

to:

* Dukat's hilariously awkward team-up with the main characters when he screws up and can't beam out of the station -- ''[[{{Troll}} after he'd beamed in specifically to gloat at them for not being able to fix the problem.]]'' Basically anything Dukat does in that episode, from his epic snarkbattle with Garak to his ordering tea from the replicator that's shooting at everybody.



--> '''Sisko:''' You know, I never knew how much this man's voice annoyed me.

to:

--> ---> '''Sisko:''' You know, I never knew how much this man's voice annoyed me.



--> '''Rom:''' The ''Tower of Commerce''?! But...that's the tallest building in the Ferengi Alliance. A...fall from ''that'' height could...\\

to:

--> ---> '''Rom:''' The ''Tower of Commerce''?! But...that's the tallest building in the Ferengi Alliance. A...fall from ''that'' height could...\\



-->'''Quark''': I can take it. Tell me.
-->'''Rom''': Rule number two hundred and eighty five. A good deed is its own reward. ... ... Brother, are you all right?
-->'''Quark''': I just have to sit down.

to:

-->'''Quark''': --->'''Quark''': I can take it. Tell me.
-->'''Rom''': --->'''Rom''': Rule number two hundred and eighty five. A good deed is its own reward. ... ... Brother, are you all right?
-->'''Quark''': --->'''Quark''': I just have to sit down.



-->'''Zek''': Quark, my boy. What say we buy everyone a drink? Put it on my tab.
-->'''Quark''': But why?
-->'''Zek''': It will make everyone happy. And that will make me happy.
-->'''Rom''': It must all be part of his plan. Wheels within wheels, brother.

to:

-->'''Zek''': --->'''Zek''': Quark, my boy. What say we buy everyone a drink? Put it on my tab.
-->'''Quark''': --->'''Quark''': But why?
-->'''Zek''': --->'''Zek''': It will make everyone happy. And that will make me happy.
-->'''Rom''': --->'''Rom''': It must all be part of his plan. Wheels within wheels, brother.



** It gets even better when Dax comes by to [[MomentKiller interrupt the action]]. Bashir quickly gives her "the immunology data you asked for" and discreetly hands her a readout that says "GO AWAY".

to:

** It gets even better when Dax comes by to [[MomentKiller interrupt the action]]. Bashir quickly gives her "the immunology data you asked for" and discreetly hands her a readout PADD that says "GO AWAY".



--> "NOW! NEITHER ARE YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE THIS ROOM UNTIL YOU SETTLE THINGS--''IS--THAT--CLEAR''? '''''[[HypocriticalHumor AND NO--SHOUTING!!!]]''''' ''({{Beat}})'' I'm gonna go take a nap...."

to:

--> ---> "NOW! NEITHER ARE YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE THIS ROOM UNTIL YOU SETTLE THINGS--''IS--THAT--CLEAR''? '''''[[HypocriticalHumor AND NO--SHOUTING!!!]]''''' ''({{Beat}})'' I'm gonna go take a nap...."



-->'''Brunt:''' I sincerely hope I never see any of you again!
-->'''Quark:''' The feeling is ''mutual''.

to:

-->'''Brunt:''' --->'''Brunt:''' I sincerely hope I never see any of you again!
-->'''Quark:''' --->'''Quark:''' The feeling is ''mutual''.
18th Apr '17 4:44:06 AM StClair
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** Quark somehow getting into the discussion and mentions that Ferengi men has to pay their women for the duration of the pragnancy--they consider it more of a "rental."

to:

** Quark somehow getting into the discussion and mentions mentioning that Ferengi men has have to pay their women for the duration of the pragnancy--they pregnancy--they consider it more of a "rental."



-->'''Sisko''': Doctor?\\

to:

-->'''Sisko''': --->'''Sisko''': Doctor?\\



--> '''Worf:''' I called you a dung beetle!
--> '''Odo:''' I heard you!
--> '''Worf:''' And ''what is your response''?!
--> '''Odo:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You should have your eyes examined!]]
--> '''Worf:''' ''(Sighs, heads to Sisko)'' Sir...perhaps it would be best if I were to--
--> '''Sisko:''' ''(Gives Worf a POW! Enters LargeHam mode)'' ARE YOU ''QUESTIONING''--THE ''VALIDITY''--OF MY ''PLAN''?!?
--> '''Worf:''' ''Very'' convincing, Captain--but was your intention to challenge me to a fight to the death?
--> '''Sisko:''' ...No, not at all....
--> '''Worf:''' Then next time, [[FumblingTheGauntlet do not strike me with the back of your hand]]--use your fist.

to:

--> ---> '''Worf:''' I called you a dung beetle!
--> ---> '''Odo:''' I heard you!
--> ---> '''Worf:''' And ''what is your response''?!
--> ---> '''Odo:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You should have your eyes examined!]]
--> ---> '''Worf:''' ''(Sighs, heads to Sisko)'' Sir...perhaps it would be best if I were to--
--> ---> '''Sisko:''' ''(Gives ''(backhands Worf a POW! Enters and enters LargeHam mode)'' ARE YOU ''QUESTIONING''--THE ''VALIDITY''--OF MY ''PLAN''?!?
--> ---> '''Worf:''' ''Very'' convincing, Captain--but was your intention to challenge me to a fight to the death?
--> ---> '''Sisko:''' ...No, not at all....
--> ---> '''Worf:''' Then next time, [[FumblingTheGauntlet do not strike me with the back of your hand]]--use your fist.



--> '''Worf:''' I will apologize for this later.

to:

--> ---> '''Worf:''' I will apologize for this later.
18th Apr '17 4:29:07 AM StClair
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--> '''Lwaxana Troi:''' Well! Alone at last...!
--> ''(Odo gives an OhCrap look for the ages.)''

to:

--> ---> '''Lwaxana Troi:''' Well! Alone at last...!
--> ---> ''(Odo gives an OhCrap look for the ages.)''



--> '''Odo:''' ''Every sixteen hours'', I turn into a LIQUID!
--> '''Lwaxana:''' ''({{Beat}}; shrugs)'' I can swim.

to:

--> ---> '''Odo:''' ''Every sixteen hours'', I turn into a LIQUID!
--> ---> '''Lwaxana:''' ''({{Beat}}; shrugs)'' I can swim.



--> '''Sisko:''' You never know just when the right ambassador will be along to help your career.
--> '''Bashir:''' Another hour with them could DESTROY my career!

to:

--> ---> '''Sisko:''' You never know just when the right ambassador will be along to help your career.
--> ---> '''Bashir:''' Another hour with them could DESTROY my career!



--> "NOTHING MAKES THEM HAPPY! They are dedicated to being ''unhappy'' and spreading their '''''un'''-happiness'' wherever they go!--They ARE...'''The ''Ambassadors'' Of ''Unhappy''!!!'''"

to:

--> ----> "NOTHING MAKES THEM HAPPY! They are dedicated to being ''unhappy'' and spreading their '''''un'''-happiness'' wherever they go!--They ARE...'''The ''Ambassadors'' Of ''Unhappy''!!!'''"
16th Apr '17 8:59:24 PM KnownUnknown
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Added DiffLines:

* At one point we see nearly the entire team in the infirmary, for a variety of crazy injuries. At first it seems as though Sisko has been working them too hard, until we start to hear more vague hints about the {{Noodle Incident}}s. Turns out [[WalkingDisasterArea Rom was responsible for every single one]] (or at least, all the ones we learn about). Rom, naturally, is one of the only ones completely unharmed.
16th Apr '17 5:23:57 AM ShorinBJ
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* In "Starship Down," Hanok, a Gamma Quadrant trade minister, is furious at having been cheated by Quark and indignantly denies that he would ever resort to Quark's shady business practices. Then, a Jem'Hadar torpedo lodges itself in the wall of the ''Defiant'' and Hanok has to defuse it, which he knows how to do because, as he reveals, he sells the torpedos.

to:

* In "Starship Down," Hanok, a Gamma Quadrant trade minister, is furious at having been cheated by Quark and indignantly denies that he would ever resort to Quark's shady business practices. Then, a Jem'Hadar torpedo lodges itself in the wall of the ''Defiant'' and Hanok has to defuse it, which he knows how to do because, as he reveals, he sells the torpedos.torpedoes.



-->'''Hanok:''' ...maybe I should offer them a refund.

to:

-->'''Hanok:''' ...maybe Maybe I should offer them a refund.



** when they go to defuse the bomb, the manual says to cut the blue wire... ''[[OhCrap and they're all grey!]]

to:

** when When they go to defuse the bomb, the manual says to cut the blue wire... ''[[OhCrap and they're all grey!]]
8th Apr '17 4:58:26 AM NateTheGreat
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* The basic premise of the episode is incredibly silly, shrinking a runabout, but the episode immediately acknowledges and lampshades it by Kira breaking into giggles on the bridge of the Defiant.

to:

* The basic premise of the episode is incredibly silly, shrinking a runabout, but the episode immediately acknowledges and lampshades it by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgkP-f1Fqpo Kira breaking into giggles giggles]] on the bridge of the Defiant.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.StartrekDeepspaceNine