History Funny / Spaceballs

24th May '18 5:04:52 AM jayharrison
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-->'''Lone Starr''': Sorry, Barf!
-->''(Barf walks away, howling and moaning from the pain)''

to:

-->'''Lone Starr''': Starr:''' Sorry, Barf!
-->''(Barf
Barf!\\
''(Barf
walks away, howling and moaning from the pain)''



-->'''Dark Helmet''': So Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because GoodIsDumb.

to:

-->'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' So Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because GoodIsDumb.



-->'''Dark Helmet''': Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr. [[LukeIAmYourFather I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.]]
-->'''Lone Starr''': ''([[{{Beat}} ...]])'' What does that make ''us''?
-->'''Dark Helmet''': Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are ''about'' to become.

to:

-->'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr. [[LukeIAmYourFather I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.]]
-->'''Lone Starr''':
]]\\
'''Lone Starr:'''
''([[{{Beat}} ...]])'' What does that make ''us''?
-->'''Dark Helmet''':
''us''?\\
'''Dark Helmet:'''
Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are ''about'' to become.



-->''(They fast-forward past the stuff you've seen before in the movie. Dark Helmet has a bamboozled look on his face as he watches. And after seeing himself crash into the control panel earlier...)''
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' No no, go past this; past this part. ''(darts eyes to the side)'' In fact, [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain never play this again]]. ''(awkwardly sips coffee)''
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' ''(to the Operator)'' Try it here. Stop.
-->''[[DrosteImage The footage is now playing at normal speed. They are now watching themselves-right-now.]] [[MindScrew Dark Helmet is very confused and proceeds to wave his arm up and down.]]''
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' What the hell am I looking at? When does ''this'' happen in the movie?!
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' What happened to then?
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' We passed then.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' When?
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' [[WhosOnFirst Just now]]. We're at now now.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' Go back to then!
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' When?
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' Now.
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' Now?
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' Now!
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' I can't.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' Why?
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' We missed it.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' When?
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' Just now.
-->[[{{Beat}} *beat* ]]
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' When will then be now?
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' ''Soon.''
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' How soon?
-->'''Operator:''' Sir!
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' What?!
-->'''Operator:''' We've identified their location.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' Where?!
-->'''Operator:''' It's the moon of Vega.
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' When?!
-->'''Operator:''' 1900 hours, sir.
-->'''Colonel Sandurz:''' By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners.
-->'''Dark Helmet:''' ''WHOOOOOOOOO?!?!'' (mask on helmet slams down)

to:

-->''(They fast-forward past the stuff you've seen before in the movie. Dark Helmet has a bamboozled look on his face as he watches. And after seeing himself crash into the control panel earlier...)''
-->'''Dark
)''\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' No no, go past this; past this part. ''(darts eyes to the side)'' In fact, [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain never play this again]]. ''(awkwardly sips coffee)''
-->'''Colonel
coffee)''\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' ''(to the Operator)'' Try it here. Stop.
-->''[[DrosteImage
Stop.\\
''[[DrosteImage
The footage is now playing at normal speed. They are now watching themselves-right-now.]] [[MindScrew Dark Helmet is very confused and proceeds to wave his arm up and down.]]''
-->'''Dark
]]''\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' What the hell am I looking at? When does ''this'' happen in the movie?!
-->'''Colonel
movie?!\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
-->'''Dark
now.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' What happened to then?
-->'''Colonel
then?\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' We passed then.
-->'''Dark
then.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' When?
-->'''Colonel
When?\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' [[WhosOnFirst Just now]]. We're at now now.
-->'''Dark
now.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' Go back to then!
-->'''Colonel
then!\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' When?
-->'''Dark
When?\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' Now.
-->'''Colonel
Now.\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' Now?
-->'''Dark
Now?\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' Now!
-->'''Colonel
Now!\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' I can't.
-->'''Dark
can't.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' Why?
-->'''Colonel
Why?\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' We missed it.
-->'''Dark
it.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' When?
-->'''Colonel
When?\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' Just now.
-->[[{{Beat}}
now.\\
[[{{Beat}}
*beat* ]]
-->'''Dark
]]\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' When will then be now?
-->'''Colonel
now?\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' ''Soon.''
-->'''Dark
''\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' How soon?
-->'''Operator:''' Sir!
-->'''Dark
soon?\\
'''Operator:''' Sir!\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' What?!
-->'''Operator:'''
What?!\\
'''Operator:'''
We've identified their location.
-->'''Dark
location.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' Where?!
-->'''Operator:'''
Where?!\\
'''Operator:'''
It's the moon of Vega.
-->'''Colonel
Vega.\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival.
-->'''Dark
arrival.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' When?!
-->'''Operator:'''
When?!\\
'''Operator:'''
1900 hours, sir.
-->'''Colonel
sir.\\
'''Colonel
Sandurz:''' By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners.
-->'''Dark
prisoners.\\
'''Dark
Helmet:''' ''WHOOOOOOOOO?!?!'' (mask on helmet slams down)



-->'''Dark Helmet''': Careful, you idiot! I said ''across'' the nose, not ''up'' it!\\
'''Gunner''': ''(very cross-eyed)'' I'm sorry sir; I'm doing the best I can!\\

to:

-->'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Careful, you idiot! I said ''across'' the nose, not ''up'' it!\\
'''Gunner''': ''(very cross-eyed)'' '''Gunner:''' ''[[ComicallyCrossEyed (very cross-eyed)]]'' I'm sorry sir; I'm doing the best I can!\\



-->'''Skroob''': Well, don't just stand there! Do something!
-->'''Dark Helmet''' (''to Sandurz''): Do something!
-->(''Sandurz grabs the intercom'')
-->'''Sandurz''' (''over the intercom''): [[RuleOfThree Do something!]]

to:

-->'''Skroob''': -->'''Skroob:''' Well, don't just stand there! Do something!
-->'''Dark
something!\\
'''Dark
Helmet''' (''to Sandurz''): Do something!
-->(''Sandurz
something!\\
(''Sandurz
grabs the intercom'')
-->'''Sandurz'''
intercom'')\\
'''Sandurz'''
(''over the intercom''): [[RuleOfThree Do something!]]



* The diner scene near the end. A [[Film/{{Alien}} chestburster]] suddenly, for want of a better phrase, [[BodyHorror bursts out of the chest]] of a patron at the diner ([[ActorAllusion played by]] Creator/JohnHurt), and proceeds to do sing "Hello! Ma Baby" in the rag style of [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]]. As he exits stage-right, Lone Starr and Barf have only one response:
-->'''Lone Starr and Barf''': ''(quickly stand up)'' Check Please!
** Hurt's line "Not again!" is even funnier in the context of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHk-ooDV2HE this montage.]]

to:

* The diner scene near the end. A [[Film/{{Alien}} chestburster]] suddenly, for want of a better phrase, [[BodyHorror bursts out of the chest]] of a patron at the diner ([[ActorAllusion played by]] Creator/JohnHurt), and proceeds to do sing "Hello! Ma Baby" in the rag style of [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]]. As he exits stage-right, stage-left, Lone Starr and Barf have only one response:
-->'''Lone Starr and Barf''': Barf:''' ''(quickly stand up)'' Check Please!
CheckPlease!
** Hurt's line [[OhNoNotAgain "Not again!" again!"]] is even funnier in the context of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHk-ooDV2HE this montage.]]montage]].



-->'''Colonel Sandurz''': Prepare ship for light speed!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': No-no-no, light speed is too slow!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Light speed too slow?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Yes, we'll have to go right to... LudicrousSpeed!\\

to:

-->'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Prepare ship for light speed!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' No-no-no, light speed is too slow!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Light speed too slow?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Yes, we'll have to go right to... LudicrousSpeed!\\



'''Colonel Sandurz''': Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before! I don't know if this ship can take it!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? [[StealthPun Chicken?]]\\

to:

'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before! I don't know if this ship can take it!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? [[StealthPun Chicken?]]\\



'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''(voice breaks harshly)'' Prepare the ship-- ''(collects himself)'' Prepare the ship for LudicrousSpeed! Fasten all seat belts! Seal all entrances and exits! Close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo--\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(snatches PA voice box from Sandurz's hand)'' Give me that, you [[StealthPun petty excuse for an officer]]! Now hear this! Ludicrous speed--\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Aw, [[VerbThis buckle this]]! Ludicrous speed, '''GO!'''\\

to:

'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' ''(voice breaks harshly)'' Prepare the ship-- ''(collects himself)'' Prepare the ship for LudicrousSpeed! Fasten all seat belts! Seal all entrances and exits! Close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo--\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(snatches PA voice box from Sandurz's hand)'' Give me that, you [[StealthPun petty excuse for an officer]]! Now hear this! Ludicrous speed--\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Aw, [[VerbThis buckle this]]! Ludicrous speed, '''GO!'''\\



'''Dark Helmet''': ''(straining)'' What have I...done?! My brains...are going into...''my feet!''\\

to:

'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(straining)'' What have I...done?! My brains...are going into...''my feet!''\\



'''Barf''': Whoa! ...what the ''hell'' was that?!\\
'''Lone Starr''': Spaceball One.\\
'''Barf''': [[MemeticMutation They've gone to]] ''[[MemeticMutation plaid!]]''\\
'''Dark Helmet''': We passed 'em! Stop this thing!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''(whimpering)'' We can't stop, it's too dangerous! We have to slow down first!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': BULLSHIT! STOP THIS THING! I ORDER YOU! '''''STOP!!!'''''\\

to:

'''Barf''': '''Barf:''' Whoa! ...what the ''hell'' was that?!\\
'''Lone Starr''': Starr:''' Spaceball One.\\
'''Barf''': '''Barf:''' [[MemeticMutation They've gone to]] ''[[MemeticMutation plaid!]]''\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' We passed 'em! Stop this thing!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' ''(whimpering)'' We can't stop, it's too dangerous! We have to slow down first!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' BULLSHIT! STOP THIS THING! I ORDER YOU! '''''STOP!!!'''''\\



'''Colonel Sandurz''': Are you all right, sir?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(dazed)'' Fine. How have you been?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir. It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Yeah.\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': What should we do now, sir?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Well, are we stopped?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're stopped, sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Good. Why don't we take a five minute break?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': [[NonSequiturThud Smoke if you got 'em]].\\

to:

'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Are you all right, sir?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(dazed)'' Fine. How have you been?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Very good, sir. It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Yeah.\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' What should we do now, sir?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Well, are we stopped?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' We're stopped, sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Good. Why don't we take a five minute break?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Very good, sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' [[NonSequiturThud Smoke if you got 'em]].\\



-->'''Radar Technician''': Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit! ''(taps his helmet, making beeps. Talks into the communicator in a high staticky voice)'' [[AC:Sir?]]\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': What is it?\\
'''Radar Technician''': [[AC: Can I talk to you for a minute please, sir?]]\\

to:

-->'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit! ''(taps his helmet, making beeps. Talks into the communicator in a high staticky voice)'' [[AC:Sir?]]\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' What is it?\\
'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' [[AC: Can I talk to you for a minute please, sir?]]\\



'''Colonel Sandurz''': Well?\\
'''Radar Technician''': [[AC: I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!]]\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': You don't need that, private. ''(takes the communicator and puts it back on its place)'' We're right here, now what is it?\\
'''Radar Technician''': [[AC: I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!]]\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(angrily grabs and throws the communicator away)'' NOW WHAT IS IT?\\
'''Radar Technician''': ''(normal voice)'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': What's wrong with it?!\\
'''Radar Technician''': I've lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps, and I lost the creeps.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': The what?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': The what?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': And the what?\\
'''Radar Technician''': You know, the bleeps... ''(Makes beeping noise)''... the sweeps... ''(Makes vibrating noise)'' and the creeps. ''(Makes squeaking noise)''\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(Quietly, to Sandurz)'' That's not all he's lost.

to:

'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Well?\\
'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' [[AC: I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!]]\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' You don't need that, private. ''(takes the communicator and puts it back on its place)'' We're right here, now what is it?\\
'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' [[AC: I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!]]\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(angrily grabs and throws the communicator away)'' NOW WHAT IS IT?\\
'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' ''(normal voice)'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' What's wrong with it?!\\
'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' I've lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps, and I lost the creeps.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' The what?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' The what?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' And the what?\\
'''Radar Technician''': Technician:''' You know, the bleeps... ''(Makes beeping noise)''... the sweeps... ''(Makes vibrating noise)'' and the creeps. ''(Makes squeaking noise)''\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(Quietly, to Sandurz)'' That's not all he's lost.



-->'''Dark Helmet''': ''(using a deep voice)'' So Princess Vespa, at last, I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to. ''(in higher-pitched, feminine voice)'' No please leave me alone! ''(deep voice)'' NO! You are mine! ''(imitates Lone Starr)'' Not so fast, Helmet! ''(Helmet voice)'' Lone Starr! ''(Lone Starr voice)'' Yes, it's me. I'm here to save my girlfriend. Hi honey! ''(Helmet voice)'' Now, you are going to die! ''(makes shooting noises, Lone Starr voice)'' Ahhh...ahhh! ''(imitates Barf)'' Hey! whadja do to my friend? ''(Helmet voice)'' The same thing I'm going do to you big boy! ''(makes shooting noises at "Barf")'' And you too! ''("shoots Dot")'' Now Princess Vespa, at last we are alone. ''(Vespa voice)'' Oh, no! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Leave me alone! And yet,...I find you strangely attractive. ''(Helmet voice)'' Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it. ''(Vespa voice)'' NO! Leave me alone! ''(Helmet voice)'' NO! Kiss me!! ''(in Vespa voice, makes smooching noises with the Dark Helmet and Princess Vespa figures)'' OH..ohh.....oh your helmet is sooo big.\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''(barges in)'' Lord Helmet!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(startled, hiding his action figures)'' WHAT!!??\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': You're needed on the bridge sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(unfathomably embarrassed)'' KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!!!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes sir!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Did you see anything!?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial No sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again]]!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': GOOD!

to:

-->'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(using a deep voice)'' So Princess Vespa, at last, I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to. ''(in higher-pitched, feminine voice)'' No please leave me alone! ''(deep voice)'' NO! You are mine! ''(imitates Lone Starr)'' Not so fast, Helmet! ''(Helmet voice)'' Lone Starr! ''(Lone Starr voice)'' Yes, it's me. I'm here to save my girlfriend. Hi honey! ''(Helmet voice)'' Now, you are going to die! ''(makes shooting noises, Lone Starr voice)'' Ahhh...ahhh! ''(imitates Barf)'' Hey! whadja do to my friend? ''(Helmet voice)'' The same thing I'm going do to you big boy! ''(makes shooting noises at "Barf")'' And you too! ''("shoots Dot")'' Now Princess Vespa, at last we are alone. ''(Vespa voice)'' Oh, no! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Leave me alone! And yet,...I find you strangely attractive. ''(Helmet voice)'' Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it. ''(Vespa voice)'' NO! Leave me alone! ''(Helmet voice)'' NO! Kiss me!! ''(in Vespa voice, makes smooching noises with the Dark Helmet and Princess Vespa figures)'' OH..ohh.....oh your helmet is sooo big.\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' ''(barges in)'' Lord Helmet!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(startled, hiding his action figures)'' WHAT!!??\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' You're needed on the bridge sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(unfathomably embarrassed)'' KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!!!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Yes sir!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Did you see anything!?\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial No sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again]]!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' GOOD!



-->'''Vespa''': How was that?
-->'''Lone Starr''': Not bad.
-->'''Barf''': Not bad... for a girl.
-->'''Dot Matrix''': Hey, that was pretty good for ''Rambo''!

to:

-->'''Vespa''': -->'''Vespa:''' How was that?
-->'''Lone Starr''':
that?\\
'''Lone Starr:'''
Not bad.
-->'''Barf''':
bad.\\
'''Barf:'''
Not bad... for a girl.
-->'''Dot Matrix''':
girl.\\
'''Dot Matrix:'''
Hey, that was pretty good for ''Rambo''!



-->'''Vespa''': Open the door!
-->'''Barf''': I can't, it's fused!
-->'''Vespa''': ''(trying to open the cockpit door)'' What about this one?
-->'''Barf''': It's locked!
-->'''Vespa''': WHERE ARE THE KEYS?
-->'''Barf''': Inside!
-->'''Vespa''': OH GREAT!

to:

-->'''Vespa''': -->'''Vespa:''' Open the door!
-->'''Barf''':
door!\\
'''Barf:'''
I can't, it's fused!
-->'''Vespa''':
fused!\\
'''Vespa:'''
''(trying to open the cockpit door)'' What about this one?
-->'''Barf''':
one?\\
'''Barf:'''
It's locked!
-->'''Vespa''':
locked!\\
'''Vespa:'''
WHERE ARE THE KEYS?
-->'''Barf''': Inside!
-->'''Vespa''':
KEYS?\\
'''Barf:''' Inside!\\
'''Vespa:'''
OH GREAT!



--> '''Guard''': What the hell are you doing?
--> '''Lone Starr''': (in a dubious voice) The [[Franchise/StarTrek Vulcan Neck Pinch]]?
--> '''Guard''': No no no, stupid, you've got it much too high. Down lower, where the shoulder meets the neck.
--> '''Lone Starr''': Like this? (correctly performs the move)
--> '''Guard''': Yeah! (collapses)

to:

--> '''Guard''': -->'''Guard:''' What the hell are you doing?
-->
doing?\\
'''Lone Starr''': Starr:''' (in a dubious voice) The [[Franchise/StarTrek Vulcan Neck Pinch]]?
--> '''Guard''': No no
Pinch]]?\\
'''Guard:''' No, no,
no, stupid, you've got it much too high. Down lower, where the shoulder meets the neck.
-->
neck.\\
'''Lone Starr''': Starr:''' Like this? (correctly performs the move)
--> '''Guard''':
move)\\
'''Guard:'''
Yeah! (collapses)



--> ''They both look down''

to:

--> ''They -->''They both look down''



-->'''Dark Helmet''': What is this? You call this a radar machine?!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': No sir, we call it "Mr. Coffee". Care for some?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': ''(Pause for thought)'' Yes! I always drink coffee when I'm watching radar, you know that!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Of course I do, sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Everyone knows that!\\
'''The Crew''': ''(covering their genitalia due to [[ShareTheMalePain an earlier guy who got zapped]])'' OF COURSE WE DO, SIR!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Now I've got my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar.\\

to:

-->'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' What is this? You call this a radar machine?!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' No sir, we call it "Mr. Coffee". Care for some?\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' ''(Pause for thought)'' Yes! I always drink coffee when I'm watching radar, you know that!\\
'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sandurz:''' Of course course, I do, sir.\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Everyone knows that!\\
'''The Crew''': Crew:''' ''(covering their genitalia due to [[ShareTheMalePain an earlier guy who got zapped]])'' OF COURSE WE DO, SIR!\\
'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' Now I've got my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar.\\



-->'''Guard 1:''' HEY!!! THOSE ARE THE GUYS WHO STOLE OUR UNIFORMS!!
-->'''Guard 2:''' They beat the shit out of us too.

to:

-->'''Guard 1:''' HEY!!! THOSE ARE THE GUYS WHO STOLE OUR UNIFORMS!!
-->'''Guard
UNIFORMS!!\\
'''Guard
2:''' They beat the shit out of us too.



-->'''Dark Helmet''': I can't ''breathe'' in this thing!

to:

-->'''Dark Helmet''': Helmet:''' I can't ''breathe'' in this thing!



-->'''Skroob''': Sandurz, Sandurz, ya gotta help me. I don't what to do, I can't make decisions, [[AcceptableTargets I'm a president!]]

to:

-->'''Skroob''': -->'''Skroob:''' Sandurz, Sandurz, ya gotta help me. I don't what to do, I can't make decisions, [[AcceptableTargets I'm a president!]]
23rd May '18 1:12:19 AM mojo72400
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* Dot Matrix' "Virgin Alarm" activating just as Lone Star and Vespa kiss. (To Lone Star) "It's programmed to go off before you do!"

to:

* Dot Matrix' "Virgin Alarm" activating just as Lone Star and Vespa almost kiss. (To Lone Star) "It's programmed to go off before you do!"
20th May '18 1:56:03 PM AnotherGuy
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Added DiffLines:

** Later, it becomes a NeverLiveItDown moment for Dark Helmet while watching ''Spaceballs: The Movie''.
5th May '18 6:19:12 AM Werebazs
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Added DiffLines:

* The spoof of the opening shot of the Imperial Star Destroyer in ''A New Hope'', with the Spaceball One taking 90 seconds to pass in from of the camera.
3rd May '18 8:18:40 AM Werebazs
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* Dark Helmet ordering his men to 'comb the desert', which, of course, they take to mean literally.

to:

* Dark Helmet ordering his men President Skroob orders Helmet to 'comb the desert', which, of course, they take to mean literally.and he makes his men follow the order. Literally.



** An easy-to-miss aspect: when talking to Colonel Sandurz, who's standing right next to him, Dark Helmet yells into his megaphone. Yet he ditches it to yell at the Spaceballs out in the desert.

to:

** An easy-to-miss aspect: when talking to Colonel Sandurz, who's standing right next to him, Dark Helmet yells into his megaphone. Yet he ditches it to yell at the Spaceballs out in the desert. What makes this even funnier, is that if you watch closely Sanduz makes a DoubleTake at this.
12th Mar '18 5:25:53 PM Sharlee
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Added DiffLines:

** Also him sipping too-hot coffee, which triggers a SpitTake so violent that his visor drops down with a clump. Cue him stammering "too hot" in his helmet-echoing Vader voice.
2nd Mar '18 5:13:48 AM Macsen
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* "I'm the Bearded Lady! Who are you, one of the ''freaks?!''

to:

* "I'm the Bearded Lady! Who What are you, one of the ''freaks?!''
8th Feb '18 6:29:24 PM nombretomado
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* The diner scene near the end. A [[Film/{{Alien}} chestburster]] suddenly, for want of a better phrase, [[BodyHorror bursts out of the chest]] of a patron at the diner ([[ActorAllusion played by]] Creator/JohnHurt), and proceeds to do sing "Hello! Ma Baby" in the rag style of [[OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]]. As he exits stage-right, Lone Starr and Barf have only one response:

to:

* The diner scene near the end. A [[Film/{{Alien}} chestburster]] suddenly, for want of a better phrase, [[BodyHorror bursts out of the chest]] of a patron at the diner ([[ActorAllusion played by]] Creator/JohnHurt), and proceeds to do sing "Hello! Ma Baby" in the rag style of [[OneFroggyEvening [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]]. As he exits stage-right, Lone Starr and Barf have only one response:
29th Jan '18 12:33:32 AM TitoMosquito
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''[Sandurz and Helmet head towards the technician's station]''\\



** The look on Helmet's face when the technician starts using that voice. And the annoyed look on Sandurz's face while Helmet grabs the communicator and throws it away.

to:

** The look on Helmet's face when the technician starts using that voice. And the annoyed look expression on Sandurz's face while Helmet grabs and throws the communicator and throws it away.



** That priest ranks alongside the one in ''[[Film/ThePrincessBride The Princess Bride]]'' as one of the funniest clergymen in film.

to:

** That priest ranks alongside the one in ''[[Film/ThePrincessBride The Princess Bride]]'' ''Film/ThePrincessBride'' as one of the funniest clergymen in film.



-->'''Scroob''': Sandurz, Sandurz, ya gotta help me. I don't what to do, I can't make decisions, [[AcceptableTargets I'm a president!]]

to:

-->'''Scroob''': -->'''Skroob''': Sandurz, Sandurz, ya gotta help me. I don't what to do, I can't make decisions, [[AcceptableTargets I'm a president!]]


Added DiffLines:

** Right at the same time she signs off, Skroob caught himself with his zipper.
28th Dec '17 12:45:16 PM LittleGwen
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Added DiffLines:

* "God willing, we'll all meet again in ''Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.''"
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