History Funny / RedStormRising

1st Feb '16 2:15:03 PM randomguy566
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1st Feb '16 2:14:48 PM randomguy566
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-->'''Alekseyev:''' A Guards regiment, eh, Comrade Colonel? Elite soldiers of the Red Army? These tit-sucking children couldnít guard a Turkish whorehouse, '''much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!''' And what have you been doing for the past four years commanding this rolling circus, Comrade Colonel? You have learned to kill your whole command '''three times!''' Your artillery observers are not located properly. Your tanks and infantry carriers still canít coordinate their movements, and your tank gunners canít find targets three meters high! If that had been a NATO force holding that ridge, you and your command would be '''dead!''' ďThe loss of these people is no great penalty for the State, but that is valuable equipment, burning valuable fuel, shooting valuable ordnance, '''and taking up my valuable time!''' Comrade Colonel, I must leave you now. First I will throw up. Then I will fly to my command post. I will be back. When I come back, we will run this exercise again. Your men will perform properly, Comrade Colonel, or you will spend the rest of your miserable life counting trees!

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-->'''Alekseyev:''' A Guards regiment, eh, Comrade Colonel? Elite soldiers of the Red Army? These tit-sucking children couldnít guard a Turkish whorehouse, '''much ''much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!''' it!'' And what have you been doing for the past four years commanding this rolling circus, Comrade Colonel? You have learned to kill your whole command '''three times!''' ''three times!'' Your artillery observers are not located properly. Your tanks and infantry carriers still canít coordinate their movements, and your tank gunners canít find targets three meters high! If that had been a NATO force holding that ridge, you and your command would be '''dead!''' ďThe ''dead!'' The loss of these people is no great penalty for the State, but that is valuable equipment, burning valuable fuel, shooting valuable ordnance, '''and ''and taking up my valuable time!''' time!'' Comrade Colonel, I must leave you now. First I will throw up. Then I will fly to my command post. I will be back. When I come back, we will run this exercise again. Your men will perform properly, Comrade Colonel, or you will spend the rest of your miserable life counting trees!
1st Feb '16 2:13:57 PM randomguy566
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* General Alekseyev's hilarious line after observing a training exercise.
-->'''Alekseyev:''' These men aren't fit to guard a Turkish whorehouse, much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!

to:

* General Alekseyev's hilarious line TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to a regimental commander after observing a training exercise.
-->'''Alekseyev:''' A Guards regiment, eh, Comrade Colonel? Elite soldiers of the Red Army? These men aren't fit to tit-sucking children couldnít guard a Turkish whorehouse, much '''much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!it!''' And what have you been doing for the past four years commanding this rolling circus, Comrade Colonel? You have learned to kill your whole command '''three times!''' Your artillery observers are not located properly. Your tanks and infantry carriers still canít coordinate their movements, and your tank gunners canít find targets three meters high! If that had been a NATO force holding that ridge, you and your command would be '''dead!''' ďThe loss of these people is no great penalty for the State, but that is valuable equipment, burning valuable fuel, shooting valuable ordnance, '''and taking up my valuable time!''' Comrade Colonel, I must leave you now. First I will throw up. Then I will fly to my command post. I will be back. When I come back, we will run this exercise again. Your men will perform properly, Comrade Colonel, or you will spend the rest of your miserable life counting trees!
21st Apr '15 2:19:36 AM TinMan
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* During Captain [=McCafferty's=] attack on Kirov, a Norwegian submarine attacks the battle group and screws up his approach. Chicago is then forced to make an impromptu Harpoon attack on the battle group and quickly withdraw before seeing if their Harpoons hit anything. He later meets the Norwegian captain amusingly drunk in a bar and confronts him over it, only for the Norwegian to wrap him in a bear hug and offer to buy [=McCafferty=] and his crew a drink since the Harpoons took out boats that would've destroyed the Norwegian sub otherwise. [=McCafferty's=] resentment vanishes almost instantly.

to:

* During Captain [=McCafferty's=] attack on Kirov, a Norwegian submarine attacks the battle group and screws up his approach. Chicago is then forced to make an impromptu Harpoon attack on the battle group and quickly withdraw before seeing if their Harpoons hit anything. He later meets the Norwegian captain amusingly drunk in a bar and confronts him over it, only for the Norwegian to wrap him in a bear hug and offer to buy [=McCafferty=] and his crew a drink since the Harpoons took out boats that would've destroyed the Norwegian sub otherwise. [=McCafferty's=] resentment vanishes almost instantly.instantly.
* After spending the night watching Russian movies via satellite intercept, a somewhat delirious Bob Toland realizes he'd been singing in Russian while giving his money to a toll booth worker. He wonders what the toll worker must have been thinking, seeing a uniformed US Navy officer singing in Russian in the midst of growing tensions between NATO and the Soviet Union.
24th Sep '14 7:39:23 AM Malchus
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* During Captain [=McCafferty's=] attack on Kirov, a Norwegian submarine attacks the battle group and screws up his approach. Chicago is then forced to make an impromptu Harpoon attack on the battle group and quickly withdraw before seeing if their Harpoons hit anything. He later meets the Norwegian captain amusingly drunk in a bar and confronts him over it, only for the Norwegian to wrap him in a bear hug and offer to buy [=McCafferty's=] crew a drink since the Harpoons took out boats that would've destroyed the Norwegian sub otherwise. [=McCafferty's=] resentment vanishes almost instantly.

to:

* During Captain [=McCafferty's=] attack on Kirov, a Norwegian submarine attacks the battle group and screws up his approach. Chicago is then forced to make an impromptu Harpoon attack on the battle group and quickly withdraw before seeing if their Harpoons hit anything. He later meets the Norwegian captain amusingly drunk in a bar and confronts him over it, only for the Norwegian to wrap him in a bear hug and offer to buy [=McCafferty's=] [=McCafferty=] and his crew a drink since the Harpoons took out boats that would've destroyed the Norwegian sub otherwise. [=McCafferty's=] resentment vanishes almost instantly.
24th Sep '14 7:38:32 AM Malchus
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-->'''Alekseyev:''' These men aren't fit to guard a Turkish whorehouse, much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!

to:

-->'''Alekseyev:''' These men aren't fit to guard a Turkish whorehouse, much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!it!
* During Captain [=McCafferty's=] attack on Kirov, a Norwegian submarine attacks the battle group and screws up his approach. Chicago is then forced to make an impromptu Harpoon attack on the battle group and quickly withdraw before seeing if their Harpoons hit anything. He later meets the Norwegian captain amusingly drunk in a bar and confronts him over it, only for the Norwegian to wrap him in a bear hug and offer to buy [=McCafferty's=] crew a drink since the Harpoons took out boats that would've destroyed the Norwegian sub otherwise. [=McCafferty's=] resentment vanishes almost instantly.
24th Sep '14 7:29:38 AM Malchus
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* The wonderful description of Alekseyev commandeering the troop train in Moscow. He arrives abruptly, screams at the divisional commander, who goes off to scream at ''his'' regimental commanders, who go off to scream at ''their'' battalion commanders, and all the way down the line for ten minutes until the screaming was done at the squad level. Only then does the division finally get moving. Armies, huh...

to:

* The wonderful description of Alekseyev commandeering the troop train in Moscow. He arrives abruptly, wakes up and screams at the sleeping divisional commander, who goes off to scream at ''his'' regimental commanders, who go off to scream at ''their'' battalion commanders, and all the way down the line for ten minutes until the screaming was done at the squad level. Only then does the division finally get moving. Armies, huh...
9th Feb '14 10:14:30 PM Chemo
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-->'''Alekseyev:''' ''These men aren't fit to guard a Turkish whorehouse, much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!''

to:

-->'''Alekseyev:''' ''These These men aren't fit to guard a Turkish whorehouse, much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!''it!
9th Feb '14 10:13:01 PM Chemo
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'''Edwards:''' You ''have'' walked a marathoner into the friggn' ground.

to:

'''Edwards:''' You ''have'' walked a marathoner into the friggn' ground.ground.
* General Alekseyev's hilarious line after observing a training exercise.
-->'''Alekseyev:''' ''These men aren't fit to guard a Turkish whorehouse, much less do anything worthwhile inside of it!''
3rd Dec '13 9:37:16 PM Vasha
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For a very serious work about World War III, ''RedStormRising'' has a few [[GallowsHumor darkly humorous]] moments.

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For a very serious work about World War III, ''RedStormRising'' WorldWarIII, ''Red Storm Rising'' has a few [[GallowsHumor darkly humorous]] moments.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.RedStormRising