History Funny / Friday

-->'''Angry husband:''' "Goddamn devil!"

-->"Goddamn devil!"

-->'''Joker''': Hey, what the fuck?! This ain't ''The Love Connection'', homes! You wanna go to the room or something right now?

-->'''Craig:''' Yo mama!

-->'''Jehovah's Witness:''' Well, fuck you! Half-dead motherfucker. C'mon, sister. C'mon.

* Smokey's reaction to meeting with [[AbhorrentAdmirer the girl]] Debbie hooked him up with. Craig and his mom's reaction is but mere icing on the cake.
-->'''Smokey's Girl:''' Ooooh, whassup? \\

-->'''Joker''': Hey, who locked the fuckin' door, huh? I don't like locked doors around here! They make me crazy and shit! I was locked up! Pass the wire! Pass the wire! I don't want no grilled cheese. [[PrisonRape No, Leroy, I'm bilingual! There's a difference!]](''using the girl's butt cheeks as a mouth'') No more locked doors! Gracias!

* When Joker carries a girl over his shoulder upstairs and finds his bedroom door locked, he starts freaking out and gives a short but funny rant that ends with this:
-->'''Joker''': (''using the girl's butt cheeks as a mouth'') No more locked doors! Gracias!

[[folder:Friday]]
* Craig answers the door to find a group of Jehovah's Witnesses, only to then slam the door in the middle of their pitch, leading to this response:
-->'''Jehovah's Witness''': Well, fuck you! Half-dead motherfucker. C'mon, sister. C'mon.
* Craig grabs some milk from the fridge to pour into his cereal, only to then find there's hardly anything in the carton. He taps the bottom of the carton, as if some of the milk is stuck inside.

* Craig closing the fridge door to find his father, dressed for work and eating a bag of grapes, standing there before [[HypocriticalHumor launching into a rant about how he always finds Craig in the kitchen eating up all the food.]]
-->'''Willie''': I wanna eat some of those chitlins! I love pig feet!
* The first appearance of Smokey's "debut" (in the theatrical version, at least); in the form of a brief argument with Craig when he tears through his curtains as he was getting dressed, a slight moment of HilarityEnsues when this happens:
-->'''Smokey''': ''(abruptly tearing through Craig's open bedroom window curtain)'' Break yo' self, fool!
-->'''Craig''': Man, look what you did to my curtain! You better watch that window you climbing in, fool, 'fo you get blasted on.
-->'''Smokey''': ''(sarcastic)'' With what? You ain't got nothin', man!
-->'''Craig''': With this! ''(whips out and points his Glock at Smokey's face)''
-->'''Smokey''': ''(freezes and stares down the gun crossed-and-wide-eyed)'' Man, where'd you get that from?
-->'''Craig''': Yo mama!
-->'''Smokey''': ''(glares)'' Fuck you.
-->'''Craig''': Fuck ''you.''
-->'''Smokey''': Come on outside, man, and stop playing.
-->'''Craig ''': ''(chuckles)'' Gotta get dressed.
-->'''Smokey''': Hurry up.
-->'''Craig''': Don't tell me to hurry up!
* Willie asks to talk to Craig in the bathroom...while he's on the toilet. And Craig covering his nose while his dad does his business.

* Quickly followed by the comeback remark: ''"Boy, bring your ass up in here. What you talkin' 'bout, you wait 'til I come out? I smelled your shit for 22 years, now you can smell mine for five minutes."''

* This exchange between Smokey and Deebo in a flashback when Red gets punched in the eye ''so hard'' he flew backwards:
-->'''Smokey''': I won, now gimme my money!
-->'''Deebo''': You what?
-->'''Smokey''': (''cowed'') I lost.
** "YOU GOT KNOCKED DA FUCK OUT!"
* Smokey's reasoning that pot is okay to smoke because "God put it there for a reason."

-->'''Felisha''': What y'all smokin' on?
-->'''Smokey''': Nothin'! What you want?
-->'''Felisha''': Oh! I need to borrow your car right quick.
-->'''Smokey''': What kinda shit is that?! Most people wanna borrow sugar, even ketchup! You wanna borrow my car?! Hell no! Git the hell on!
-->'''Felisha''': Let me borrow a joint.
-->'''Smokey''': You need to borrow a job wit' yo broke ass. Always tryin' to smoke up somebody's shit. Git the hell on, Felisha.
-->'''Felisha''': I'ma remember that...
-->'''Smokey''': Remember it. Write it down, take a picture - I don't give a fuck!
-->'''Felisha''': (''looking at Craig hopefully'') Craig...
-->'''Craig''': [[NoSell Bye, Felisha.]]
-->(''Smokey makes a dismissive "go away" hand-waving gesture'')
-->'''Felisha''': Damn. Y'all stingy. (''walks off'')
-->'''Smokey''': She's a goddamn pest.

-->'''Kid''': Can I have my chili Fritos!?
-->'''Big Worm''': You can't have shit. I'm closed, fatboy.
-->'''Kid''': Then gimme my money back!
-->'''Big Worm''': ''My'' money.
-->'''Kid''': MAMA!
-->'''Little Girl''': Man, I hate him!

* One of Craig's neighbors, a midget (played by Tony Cox), runs after a pastor (played by the late Bernie Mac) who slept with his wife and throws a brick at his car, all while Craig cheers him on. All this going on while "Get On Up" by James Brown is playing in the background for hilarity.

* Stanley, the Joneses' next-door neighbor, telling Craig, Smokey, and Deebo to stay off his grass before turning to walk away, only to end up tripping over his lawn chair.
** Earlier, he asked nicely. In this scene, after Deebo and Smokey snuck out before Stanley came home, Stanley came out to confront them with Smokey thinking he knows they broke in.
--->'''Stanley''': Look, fellas. I asked nicely, but now I'm getting really irritated! For the last time, can you stay off my... [[GoshDangItToHeck frigging grass!]] ''Please?!''

* Smokey closing the film by swearing off weed, then looking right at the camera with a smug look, lighting a joint, and saying "I WAS JUST BULLSHITTIN... AND YOU KNOW THIS, MAN!"
* Smokey's reaction to meeting with [[AbhorrentAdmirer the girl]] that Debbie hooked him up with. Craig's and his mom's reaction is but mere icing on the cake.
--> '''Smokey's Girl:''' Ooooh, whassup? \\

---> '''Smokey:''' [[PrecisionFStrike GOD]][[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe DAMN!!!]]
* The Drive-by scene. ''All of it.''
--> '''Smokey:''' (''walking outside of Craig's house with him'') I don't even know why I'm trippin'. [[TemptingFate Ain't nobody wanna mess with the Smoke-dawg!]] *barks like a dog; {{Beat}} as the two stop in their tracks* Man, who is that? \\
''(Cut to a van killing its headlights as it makes a beeline towards Craig and Smokey as "Blast If I Have To" by E-A-Ski plays)'' \\

** Smokey tries to fire back at Big Worm's hitmen... it [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy doesn't end well]] for either of them.
---> '''Smokey:''' You don't know who you messin' with, baby! This is Smoke-dawg, baby!! (''fires back at the hitmen with Craig's gun; cut to one of the hitmen being annoyed and shooting right back at him in response'') [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl AAAAHHHHHHH!!]]
---> '''Hitman:''' DAMN!!!

[[folder:Next Friday]]

[[folder:Friday After Next]]

* Day-Day: "All I want, SantaClaus, is two [[ChubbyChaser fat bitches]] and a bag of weed...and two bags of chips to give t-t-t-to the fat bitches."