History Funny / Duckman

5th May '18 6:56:54 PM TheFallofElDorado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


--->'''Duckman:''' Glove compartment?\\
'''Cornfed:''' Tailpipe. And I paid the valet to run the engine an extra five minutes.

to:

--->'''Duckman:''' -->'''Duckman:''' Glove compartment?\\
'''Cornfed:''' Tailpipe. And I paid gave the valet $10 to run the engine an extra five minutes.wait a while before he prys them out.
15th Apr '18 3:54:08 AM RedScharlach
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** Duckmans inability to get Dr Bruvenheim's name right

to:

** Duckmans Duckman's inability to get Dr Bruvenheim's name right



* The Mockumentary episode ''American Dicks'' is one long Crowning Moment. For example, Duckman attempting to come off like an expert detective to the camera, while overlooking or ignoring ridiculously obvious clues and leads to the case of the episode, finding the kidnapped mayor of the city. Among other things, he doesnt notice a picture of the mayor being held hostage by baseball manager Lance Le Francis on a milk carton he's drinking from, and doesnt notice the mayor being dragged kicking and screaming into a van across the street until Cornfed points it out to him.

to:

* The Mockumentary episode ''American Dicks'' is one long Crowning Moment. For example, Duckman attempting to come off like an expert detective to the camera, while overlooking or ignoring ridiculously obvious clues and leads to the case of the episode, finding the kidnapped mayor of the city. Among other things, he doesnt doesn't notice a picture of the mayor being held hostage by baseball manager Lance Le Francis on a milk carton he's drinking from, and doesnt doesn't notice the mayor being dragged kicking and screaming into a van across the street until Cornfed points it out to him.



--> '''Cornfed''': Before I met Duckman, I was at a crossroads, soul-searching, looking for my place in this endless puzzle we call life. You ever wake up in a Cambodian gaming parlor and realize you're living in a dark, dank abyss of emptiness and loneliness, then wander the mountains of Asia for two years until you became the chef in a Tibetan monestary?\\

to:

--> '''Cornfed''': Before I met Duckman, I was at a crossroads, soul-searching, looking for my place in this endless puzzle we call life. You ever wake up in a Cambodian gaming parlor and realize you're living in a dark, dank abyss of emptiness and loneliness, then wander the mountains of Asia for two years until you became the chef in a Tibetan monestary?\\monastery?\\



** The cameraman accidently walking into the office next to Duckmans, which turns out to house an erotic massage parlor.
** Duckman not noticing that his car has been stripped clean of parts while they were gone, including ''the exterior''. The only part he notices is askew is that his car refreshener is gone, until he finds it on the floor.
** The cameraman tripping over Ajax who is bending down to pick up what he thinks is a chocolate bar from the ground, and accidently smashes into Duckman with the camera.
--> '''Ajax''': ...ew, this isnt a chocolate bar...

to:

** The cameraman accidently accidentally walking into the office next to Duckmans, Duckman's, which turns out to house an erotic massage parlor.
** Duckman not noticing that his car has been stripped clean of parts while they were gone, including ''the exterior''. The only part he notices is askew is that his car refreshener air-freshener is gone, until he finds it on the floor.
** The cameraman tripping over Ajax who is bending down to pick up what he thinks is a chocolate bar from the ground, and accidently accidentally smashes into Duckman with the camera.
--> '''Ajax''': ...ew, this isnt isn't a chocolate bar...



--> *the light flickers as a man screams in pain offscreen*

to:

--> *the light flickers as a man screams in pain offscreen*off-screen*



** Duckmans "secret drink", which is really [[GargleBlaster Formula 409]]. Bernice forcefeeds some to Duckman to show its safe to drink.

to:

** Duckmans Duckman's "secret drink", which is really [[GargleBlaster Formula 409]]. Bernice forcefeeds some to Duckman to show its it's safe to drink.



** The would-be assassin that Duckman accidently stops.

to:

** The would-be assassin that Duckman accidently accidentally stops.



** Duckman giving a long-winded speech about heroism and duty while visiting a GeraldoRivera-type show, only for the host to reveal that he has taped footage of Duckmans ACTUAL actions during the attempted assassination (he was groping two of the women fawning over the president and got slapped into the assassin).

to:

** Duckman giving a long-winded speech about heroism and duty while visiting a GeraldoRivera-type show, only for the host to reveal that he has taped footage of Duckmans Duckman's ACTUAL actions during the attempted assassination (he was groping two of the women fawning over the president and got slapped into the assassin).



** Duckmans attempting to escape from the therapy group to go indulge in his various addictions, and Cornfed's increasingly elaborate attempts at keeping him there.

to:

** Duckmans attempting Duckman's attempts to escape from the therapy group to go indulge in his various addictions, and Cornfed's increasingly elaborate attempts at keeping him there.



--> '''Roulette''': What'd, they bus you in from a head injury ward? Milo made me confront my anger. Showed me it's wrong to hate those who are different than me except for homo, saggy-breasted women's libbers and those third world types with funny accents.\\

to:

--> '''Roulette''': What'd, What, did they bus you in from a head injury ward? Milo made me confront my anger. Showed me it's wrong to hate those who are different than me except for homo, saggy-breasted women's libbers and those third world types with funny accents.\\



--> '''Stark''': I did, its called the Senate!

to:

--> '''Stark''': I did, its it's called the Senate!



** Red Herring from MacGuffin Security deciding not to press charges against Duckman because "its enough punishment just being him".

to:

** Red Herring from MacGuffin Security deciding not to press charges against Duckman because "its "it's enough punishment just being him".



** The [[Film/WallStreet Gordon Gecko]]-expy they visit who is the last of America's exes.

to:

** The [[Film/WallStreet Gordon Gecko]]-expy Gecko]] {{expy}} they visit who is the last of America's exes.



--> '''Ajax''': Luckily, thanks to some non-FDA approved drugs, I'll be up again by tomorrow. Unfortunatly, thats when the football team said they'd be by to beat me up again.
** The kids being driven to attempted suicide by Duckmans overbearing parenting.

to:

--> '''Ajax''': Luckily, thanks to some non-FDA approved drugs, I'll be up again by tomorrow. Unfortunatly, thats Unfortunately, that's when the football team said they'd be by to beat me up again.
** The kids being driven to attempted suicide by Duckmans Duckman's overbearing parenting.



** Duckmans first attempt at looking like a good dad, playing catch with them... in the middle of the night.
--> '''Bernice''': Have you flipped your flop?! Its pitch black outside!

to:

** Duckmans Duckman's first attempt at looking like a good dad, playing catch with them... in the middle of the night.
--> '''Bernice''': Have you flipped your flop?! Its It's pitch black outside!



--> '''Duckman''': Parking. And driving and shopping and eating and working. Somewhere, somehow, they all got chewed up and spit back out, and they don't taste like living anymore. Don't you see what it's like in this deranged Waring Blender of a world? Every day is an agonizing ordeal, like balancing a pot of scalding water on your head while people whip your legs and butt. ''(nostalgic)'' Ah, you never forget your senior prom. ''(back to annoyed)'' You think I'm sick? Well, the only disease I've got is modern life: A schnut-busting gauntlet of inefficiency and misery that's one long parade of letdowns, put-downs, trickle downs, shutouts, freeze-outs, sellouts, numnuts, nincompoops and nimrods, all making every day as much fun as waxing a flaming Pontiac with your tongue, where even if you do luck into the possibility of some fleeting pleasure, like say if some nymphomaniac telephone operators with the muscle control of Rumanian mat-slappers agree to a little strip air hockey, it'll be over before it starts, 'cause some vowel-lacking, feta-reeking, cab-jockey slams his Checker up your hatchback, and the cab is owned by some pinata-spanker from a Santeria cult in Xoacalpa who starts shaking chicken bones at you and gives you a boil on your neck so big all it needs is Michael Jordan's autograph to make it complete. And even with all this, ''with all this!'', I ''still'' drag my sorry butt off the Sealy every morning and stick my face in the reaping machine for ''one'' more day, knowing when it's time to flash the cosmic card key at those Pearly Gates, I won't be in the coffin anyway, 'cause some underhanded undertaker sold my heart, pancreas and other assorted Good 'N' Plenty to that same Santeria cult! So, does ''anybody'' really wonder why ''anybody'' is hanging onto sanity by the atoms on the tips of their fingernails while life dirty-dances on their digits, and is it really any wonder that I seem ''de-ranged''?! ({{Beat}}) ...But, ''(chuckles)'' that's probably nothing you haven't heard a hundred times before.

to:

--> '''Duckman''': Parking. And driving and shopping and eating and working. Somewhere, somehow, they all got chewed up and spit back out, and they don't taste like living anymore. Don't you see what it's like in this deranged Waring Blender of a world? Every day is an agonizing ordeal, like balancing a pot of scalding water on your head while people whip your legs and butt. ''(nostalgic)'' Ah, you never forget your senior prom. ''(back to annoyed)'' You think I'm sick? Well, the only disease I've got is modern life: A schnut-busting gauntlet of inefficiency and misery that's one long parade of letdowns, put-downs, trickle downs, shutouts, freeze-outs, sellouts, numnuts, numbnuts, nincompoops and nimrods, all making every day as much fun as waxing a flaming Pontiac with your tongue, where even if you do luck into the possibility of some fleeting pleasure, like say if some nymphomaniac telephone operators with the muscle control of Rumanian mat-slappers agree to a little strip air hockey, it'll be over before it starts, 'cause some vowel-lacking, feta-reeking, cab-jockey slams his Checker up your hatchback, and the cab is owned by some pinata-spanker from a Santeria cult in Xoacalpa who starts shaking chicken bones at you and gives you a boil on your neck so big all it needs is Michael Jordan's autograph to make it complete. And even with all this, ''with all this!'', I ''still'' drag my sorry butt off the Sealy every morning and stick my face in the reaping machine for ''one'' more day, knowing when it's time to flash the cosmic card key at those Pearly Gates, I won't be in the coffin anyway, 'cause some underhanded undertaker sold my heart, pancreas and other assorted Good 'N' Plenty to that same Santeria cult! So, does ''anybody'' really wonder why ''anybody'' is hanging onto sanity by the atoms on the tips of their fingernails while life dirty-dances on their digits, and is it really any wonder that I seem ''de-ranged''?! ({{Beat}}) ...But, ({{Beat}}) But...''(chuckles)'' that's probably nothing you haven't heard a hundred times before.



--> '''Patient 2''': Yeah, I wouldnt know either. *turns head slightly* But I might!

to:

--> '''Patient 2''': Yeah, I wouldnt wouldn't know either. *turns head slightly* But I might!



** After the townspeople are trapped in the sewer by the mysterious disasters occuring above, we get this exchange.
--> '''Charles''': This is getting creepy! And we still dont know where dad is. *the sewer is suddenly shaken by an explosion from aboveground*

to:

** After the townspeople are trapped in the sewer by the mysterious disasters occuring occurring above, we get this exchange.
--> '''Charles''': This is getting creepy! And we still dont don't know where dad is. *the sewer is suddenly shaken by an explosion from aboveground*



--> '''Bernice''': The washing machine is broken. If I didnt know better I'd say someone tried to sit on it with the flaps open.

to:

--> '''Bernice''': The washing machine is broken. If I didnt didn't know better I'd say someone tried to sit on it with the flaps open.



--> '''Charles''': Except its hard to imagine that he could sink any lower in his pathetic attempts at fulfilling his grotesque and unspeakable physical needs.
--> '''Duckman''': *back in the van* I cant belive they talk that way behind my back!
--> '''Corned''': Its what they say to your face.

to:

--> '''Charles''': Except its it's hard to imagine that he could sink any lower in his pathetic attempts at fulfilling his grotesque and unspeakable physical needs.
--> '''Duckman''': *back in the van* I cant belive can't believe they talk that way behind my back!
--> '''Corned''': Its It's what they say to your face.



'''Bernice''': There there, its alright. You can take some comfort in knowing that Duckman will be put in a box and buried six feet under some day too. ''Tonight maybe, after he falls asleep!''

to:

'''Bernice''': There there, its it's alright. You can take some comfort in knowing that Duckman will be put in a box and buried six feet under some day too. ''Tonight maybe, after he falls asleep!''



** The origin of Cornfed's disease - its a curse put upon his family by a tribe of South Pacific tribesmen after his ancestor accidently insulted the chief's daughter.
--> '''Documentary Narrator''': While meeting with the village elder, he tells Cornfed "This is my only daughter, isnt she beautiful?" But Cornfed speaks only a little of the tribes language, and interprets it as [[OhCrap "I would consider it a great honor if you pretended to make loud donkey noises and pretend to vomit at my feet"]]. [[{{Understatement}} The results are disastrous.]]

to:

** The origin of Cornfed's disease - its -- it's a curse put upon his family by a tribe of South Pacific tribesmen after his ancestor accidently accidentally insulted the chief's daughter.
--> '''Documentary Narrator''': While meeting with the village elder, he tells Cornfed "This is my only daughter, isnt isn't she beautiful?" But Cornfed speaks only a little of the tribes language, and interprets it as [[OhCrap "I would consider it a great honor if you pretended to make loud donkey noises and pretend to vomit at my feet"]]. [[{{Understatement}} The results are disastrous.]]



** Among the groups associated with Thompsons evil scheme to destroy the cure for cancer are all manner of medical professionals, New Yorkers who need apartments, and the Republican Party. They dont have anything to do with medical care, they just go where the evil is.

to:

** Among the groups associated with Thompsons evil scheme to destroy the cure for cancer are all manner of medical professionals, New Yorkers who need apartments, and the Republican Party. They dont don't have anything to do with medical care, they just go where the evil is.



** Duckman copying GeorgePatton's iconic war speech from ''{{Patton}}'', except he's armored up with various kitchen utensils instead of a uniform, and claims that he cant fight with the others because "he's got this thing".

to:

** Duckman copying GeorgePatton's iconic war speech from ''{{Patton}}'', except he's armored up with various kitchen utensils instead of a uniform, and claims that he cant can't fight with the others because "he's got this thing".



--> '''Manager''': I dont mean to interrupt your grotesque cultural stereotype, but can I help you with something? Maybe directions AWAY from here?
*** Also, Duckman has apparently misunderstood exactly what the opression of native americans was, and has confused it with the slave trade in the South.

to:

--> '''Manager''': I dont don't mean to interrupt your grotesque cultural stereotype, but can I help you with something? Maybe directions AWAY from here?
*** Also, Duckman has apparently misunderstood exactly what the opression oppression of native americans Native Americans was, and has confused it with the slave trade in the South.



** When the family disintegrates during the therapy session, even Charles and Mambo dont want to speak with eachother anymore, which is problematic since they share a body.

to:

** When the family disintegrates during the therapy session, even Charles and Mambo dont don't want to speak with eachother each other anymore, which is problematic since they share a body.



** The judge finally gets sick of Duckmans disrespectful and nonsensical behavior and sentences him to 4000 hours of community service, and tells the bailif to shoot him unless Duckman isnt gone in 15 seconds.

to:

** The judge finally gets sick of Duckmans Duckman's disrespectful and nonsensical behavior and sentences him to 4000 hours of community service, and tells the bailif bailiff to shoot him unless Duckman isnt is gone in 15 seconds.



** Duckman insists on treating his community service like the movie ''DangerousMinds''. In his defense, the school IS a dilabidated slum. Unfortunatly, the class HE'S teaching are all college-bound honor students.

to:

** Duckman insists on treating his community service like the movie ''DangerousMinds''. In his defense, the school IS a dilabidated dilapidated slum. Unfortunatly, the class HE'S teaching are all college-bound honor students.
30th Dec '17 1:33:23 AM Vir
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** You have to defeat the owner in an insult contest. Problem is, you have to do it in his language, which Duckman doesnt know and has to make guesses based on random phrases he's learned throughout the game.

to:

** You have to defeat the owner in an insult contest. Problem is, you have to do it in his language, which Duckman doesnt doesn't know and has to make guesses based on random phrases he's learned throughout the game.



* Duckman attempts to sabotage the New Duckmans career by replacing the original tape with a recording from a phone sex line, then putting the recording in the New Duckman Talking Action Figure. This backfires when the public turns out to love the idea of a foul-mouthed toy, something that has never worked for the real Duckman.

to:

* Duckman attempts to sabotage the New Duckmans Duckman's career by replacing the original tape with a recording from a phone sex line, then putting the recording in the New Duckman Talking Action Figure. This backfires when the public turns out to love the idea of a foul-mouthed toy, something that has never worked for the real Duckman.



* The NonStandardGameOver you get if you have the characters burn up on re-entry after escaping King Chicken's space station at the end. Cornfed tells you "its not that kind of game" and rewinds to just before.
* The game is narrated by Cornfed who is stranded in a trench on a war-torn battlefield, and only briefly states at the start that it's Duckmans fault that he's out there, but it never comes up in the game... that is, until a PostCreditsScene, where we find out that Cornfed is actually on a ''movie set'', and is playing a role there while the original Duckman set is rebuilt.

to:

* The NonStandardGameOver NonstandardGameOver you get if you have the characters [[ReentryScare burn up on re-entry re-entry]] after escaping King Chicken's space station at the end. Cornfed tells you "its not that kind of game" and rewinds to just before.
* The game is narrated by Cornfed who is stranded in a trench on a war-torn battlefield, and only briefly states at the start that it's Duckmans Duckman's fault that he's out there, but it never comes up in the game... that is, until a PostCreditsScene, where we find out that Cornfed is actually on a ''movie set'', and is playing a role there while the original Duckman set is rebuilt.
30th Dec '17 1:32:10 AM Vir
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Crowning Moment Of]] [[IncrediblyLamePun Funky]]: The FUNKY DUCKMAN!

to:

* [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Crowning Moment Of]] [[IncrediblyLamePun of [[{{Pun}} Funky]]: The FUNKY DUCKMAN!
4th Dec '17 4:02:23 PM speedyboris
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* One of the ads for the show, where Duckman creates his own ''Duckman'' episode in lieu of the animators, where the characters are drawn as stick figures.
--> '''Duckman stick figure''': Hi, Cornfed!\\
'''Cornfed stick figure''': Hi, Duckman.\\
'''Duckman stick figure''': What the hell are you staring at?\\
''(film strip catches fire, and Duckman screams. Cornfed fire extinguishes Duckman.)''\\
'''Cornfed''': If they don't come back, I'll slow-roast myself over an open flame.
23rd Oct '17 12:56:39 AM fallensaviour
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** When the documentary host is talking about the medicinal explanation of the odd berries Cornfed's ancestor was forcefed, he says you'd have to speak to a doctor or "someone who plays a doctor on TV". Cue one of the actors of the medical soap ''ER'' talking about the berries.

to:

** When the documentary host is talking about the medicinal explanation of the odd berries Cornfed's ancestor was forcefed, he says you'd have to speak to a doctor or "someone who plays a doctor on TV". Cue one of the actors of the medical soap ''ER'' ''Chicago Hope'' talking about the berries.
28th Sep '17 1:57:03 PM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

** Tobacco executive Walt Evergreen, in a reference to ''Film/TheFugitive'', lists every place that should be searched for Duckman and Agnes.
-->'''Walt:''' Okay people, listen up. I want a hard target search of every outhouse, beach house, warehouse, boathouse, smokehouse, clubhouse, ice house, hot house, white house, crack house, bathhouse, doghouse, cat house, reptile house, halfway house, slaughterhouse, haunted house, gingerbread house and Joe Eszterhas in the tri-swamp area. And people, I want 'em brought back alive...aw, who am I kidding, this is the DeepSouth. Let's bring 'em back dead!
28th Sep '17 5:46:46 AM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Ducman flipping channels.

to:

* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Ducman Duckman flipping channels.
28th Sep '17 5:46:29 AM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Ducman flipping channels.
-->'''Coffee Commercial:''' We think it's time you tried Hill O' Beans decaf, because coffee without the caffeine-
-->'''TV Therapist:''' -is like sex without the costumes.
-->'''Cereal Commercial:''' And remember, Happy Tyme pure sucrose breakfast cereal gives you that-
-->'''TV Doctor:''' -large tumor-like growth on the wall of your stomach.
-->'''Detergent Salesman:''' But for cleaner, brighter, fluffier sheets-
-->'''Announcer:''' Tonight's episode; TheKlan.
-->'''Detergent Salesman:''' Have you ever seen anything so white?
24th Sep '17 8:05:02 AM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

** Fluffy and Uranus give Duckman a test on how to respect women in this new PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad society. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
-->'''Uranus:''' Number one: Females over the age of 18 are often called girls. How should you refer to them?
-->'''Duckman:''' Sweet potato?
-->'''Uranus:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' Love socket?
-->'''Uranus:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' Box lunch?
-->'''Uranus:''' No! It's womyn! W-O-M-Y-N!
-->'''Fluffy:''' Number two: When you're on a date, when is it okay to kiss her?
-->'''Duckman:''' When her husband's gone?
-->'''Fluffy:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' When the sore heals?
-->'''Fluffy:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' After she passes out?
-->'''Fluffy:''' No! When she gives you written permission certified by a Regine approved known republic! Let's move on to the word association part of the test.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Uranus:''' Mr. Duckman, we haven't sta-
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' ...Dog.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' White.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Peanut butter.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Tanzania.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Communism.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Music/DollyParton.
-->'''Duckman:''' Bad hair.
This list shows the last 10 events of 142. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Duckman