History Funny / Duckman

17th Feb '17 10:12:18 AM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message


--> '''Cornfed''': Have you ever realized you were living in a deep dank abyss, causing you to roam the world for five years until you end up becoming the chef of a Tibetan monastery?\\

to:

--> '''Cornfed''': Have you Before I met Duckman, I was at a crossroads, soul-searching, looking for my place in this endless puzzle we call life. You ever realized you were wake up in a Cambodian gaming parlor and realize you're living in a deep dark, dank abyss, causing you to roam abyss of emptiness and loneliness, then wander the world mountains of Asia for five two years until you end up becoming became the chef of in a Tibetan monastery?\\monestary?\\
17th Feb '17 10:00:36 AM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

** When Duckman and Cornfed are spying on the vice principal at her house as she gets out of the shower.
-->'''Duckman:''' I'm telling you, Corny, no way a woman of such delicious fleshitude would be interested in a wedgie like Ajax. She has an ulterior motive and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to expose her! Ooh, there she is.
-->''(Duckman falls out of the tree he was sitting in after she gets out of the shower)''
-->'''Cornfed:''' You okay, Duckman?
-->'''Duckman:''' Just tell me what she's doing, will ya!?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nothing much. She just took off her bath towel and now she's rubbing herself down with lotion...
-->''(Duckman starts excitedly climbing back up the tree)''
-->'''Cornfed:''' ...giving herself a full frontal massage, and bending over to touch her toes for no other reason than the sheer joy of it. I tell you this; Without breast reduction, she's gonna have a lot of back trouble.
-->'''Duckman:''' ...She's not even in the room!
-->'''Cornfed:''' Hehe, little surveillance humor. Duckman, you ''are'' here first and foremost out of love and concern for your child.
-->'''Duckman:''' Course I am! Why would you even dare to suggest otherwise!?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Maybe it was the way you said "Hey Corny, let's go get a look at her naked."
-->'''Duckman:''' I can have more than one reason for doing something!
12th Feb '17 8:23:05 PM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** Duckman going on a MushroomSamba after eating some old canned chili.

to:

** Duckman going on a MushroomSamba after eating some old canned chili. It was given to them by a Native American (played hilariously by Creator/BobcatGoldthwait), who tries to have a {{leitmotif}} of stereotypical Native American chanting, but his 8-track keeps dying on him.
-->'''Native American:''' Damn 8-track! ...Thirsty?
-->'''Duckman & Cornfed:''' Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!
-->'''Native American:''' Me too. Wishum I had water...Only kidding. You like Indian sense of humor?
-->''(Gives them two bags of water)''
-->'''Native American:''' I ride many suns, many moons, horse die, had to stop, rent new horse, bought additional insurance package, although big ripoff, will know better next time. By way, only so much water, you not drink all.
-->''(Duckman and Cornfed drank all the water)''
-->'''Native American:''' Thanks, loads! Anything else?
-->'''Duckman:''' Food! Food, food, food, food! Whaddya got to eat!?
-->'''Native American:''' Hmm...
-->''(Ruffles through his bag, puts aside a perfectly good plate of noodles, a full chicken, and a sub sandwich, and reaches for the expired chili)''
-->'''Native American:''' Here, ancient medicine. Guaranteed to take appetite away.
-->''(Duckman scarfs it down)''
-->'''Native American:''' What a pair of maroons.
8th Feb '17 10:59:48 PM SilentStranger
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** Duckman copying GeorgePatton's iconic war speech from ''{{Patton}}'', except he's armored up with various kitchen utensils instead of a uniform, and claims that he cant fight with the others because "he's got this thing".
** The huge battle between Phlegm and Elm, with the citizens beating eachother up with various tools and assorted junk. One Elm Street member pours olive oil all over a lawn, freaking out the owner.
** The episode ends with Duckman celebrating as the only survivor in the ruins of the neighborhood, and the narrator talking about TheGoldenRule and how we need to treat others as we wish to be treated [[BaitAndSwitch so we can lull our enemies into a false sense of security before we wipe them out]].



** When Duckman first starts growing, Cornfed cautions him against "such an obvious use of steroids".
** After Duckman has been in exile on the desert island for a few weeks, Cornfed returns and discovers that Duckman has shrunk again with the lack of anything to be gripe about. He's there for less than 5 minutes before Duckman has ranted his way back to his original size.



* Duckman attempts to sabotage the New Duckmans career by taping him cursing, then putting the recording in the New Duckman Talking Action Figure. This backfires when the public turns out to love the idea of a foul-mouthed toy, something that has never worked for the real Duckman.

to:

* Duckman attempts to sabotage the New Duckmans career by taping him cursing, replacing the original tape with a recording from a phone sex line, then putting the recording in the New Duckman Talking Action Figure. This backfires when the public turns out to love the idea of a foul-mouthed toy, something that has never worked for the real Duckman.




to:

* The game is narrated by Cornfed who is stranded in a trench on a war-torn battlefield, and only briefly states at the start that it's Duckmans fault that he's out there, but it never comes up in the game... that is, until a PostCreditsScene, where we find out that Cornfed is actually on a ''movie set'', and is playing a role there while the original Duckman set is rebuilt.
8th Feb '17 10:09:02 PM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message



to:

* In ''Short, Plush and Deadly", Cornfed is left completely helpless after being stung by a swarm of insects and bashed over the head with a tree branch (And a tree) by Duckman, and his attempts to get Duckman to help him are all in vein.
-->'''Cornfed:''' Duckman, listen carfully. I've only got a few seconds before my body swells up and I'm unable to speak or move. Luckily, you can fabricate the antidote using that moss over- ''(Duckman covers his mouth)''
-->'''Duckman:''' Save your strength, dear one. Don't spoil my last memory of you by spewing some delirious stream-of-consciousness gobbeldygook. Oh Corny, please, for once have some dignity. You owe me that much. ''(Cornfed's head inflates to several times its size)'' Hey, nice face, Corn...for Mardi Gras!
-->'''Cornfed:''' ''(Muffled gibberish)''
-->'''Duckman:''' What, old pal. What are you trying to say? "Thank you for being my friend"?
-->'''Cornfed:''' ''(Thinking)'' If I wasn't blind, paralyzed and almost dead, I'd be wearing your sphincter as a shoe.
** After the two escape an enraged, mutated Fluffy and Uranus down a waterfall...
-->'''Cornfed:''' ''(Muffled gibberish)''
-->'''Duckman:''' Poor Cornfed. I'd bet you'd have some helpful suggestion, if only there were some way for me to hear what you were thinking.
-->'''Cornfed:''' ''(Thinking)'' Kill Duckman, kill Duckman, kill Duckman.
19th Jan '17 4:33:31 PM Xtifr
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* Duckman discovering that his favorite strip club has been closed down and turned into a bathroom fixture store. When he complains to the store owner, he says that the club closed because the health inspector found more bacteria in there than a port-a-potty at a GratefulDead concert. Duckman then complains that the club owner still owed him money for letting the owners ugly sister give him a "scratchy lap dance".

to:

* Duckman discovering that his favorite strip club has been closed down and turned into a bathroom fixture store. When he complains to the store owner, he says that the club closed because the health inspector found more bacteria in there than a port-a-potty at a GratefulDead Music/GratefulDead concert. Duckman then complains that the club owner still owed him money for letting the owners ugly sister give him a "scratchy lap dance".
6th Jan '17 4:06:41 PM TVRulezAgain
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** The hellhole that is Ajax's high school. Among the highlights: A student and teacher kissing in a locker ("It's okay, I'm her geometry teacher. Hey, I ain't in it for the ''salary''."), a huge rolling boulder of trash from the cafeteria, a gang of ''Theatre/WestSideStory''-esque hoodlums ("Cool it, daddy-o. Let's save our strength for the Sharks.") and another gang who looks like ''TheLittleRascals'', the DrivenToMadness hall monitor ("You don't have a hall pass either, DO YOU?! ''(maniacal laughter)''", and an audio ShoutOut to ''Film/ApocalypseNow'' ("The horror... the horror...").

to:

** The hellhole that is Ajax's high school. Among the highlights: A student and teacher kissing in a locker ("It's okay, I'm her geometry teacher. Hey, I ain't in it for the ''salary''."), a huge rolling boulder of trash from the cafeteria, a gang of ''Theatre/WestSideStory''-esque hoodlums ("Cool it, daddy-o. Let's save our strength for the Sharks.") and another gang who looks like ''TheLittleRascals'', the DrivenToMadness hall monitor ("You don't have a hall pass either, DO YOU?! ''(maniacal laughter)''", and an audio ShoutOut to ''Film/ApocalypseNow'' ("The horror... the horror...").



* The Mockumentary episode ''American Dicks'' is pretty much one long Crowning Moment, but a few special mentions are needed. For example, Duckman attempting to come off like an expert detective to the camera, while overlooking or ignoring ridiculously obvious clues and leads to the case of the episode, finding the kidnapped mayor of the city. Among other things, he doesnt notice a picture of the mayor being held hostage by baseball manager Lance Le Francis on a milk carton he's drinking from, and doesnt notice the mayor being dragged kicking and screaming into a van across the street until Cornfed points it out to him.
** Can't forget [[ConfessionCam the interview]] the American Dicks cameraman has with Cornfed.

to:

* The Mockumentary episode ''American Dicks'' is pretty much one long Crowning Moment, but a few special mentions are needed.Moment. For example, Duckman attempting to come off like an expert detective to the camera, while overlooking or ignoring ridiculously obvious clues and leads to the case of the episode, finding the kidnapped mayor of the city. Among other things, he doesnt notice a picture of the mayor being held hostage by baseball manager Lance Le Francis on a milk carton he's drinking from, and doesnt notice the mayor being dragged kicking and screaming into a van across the street until Cornfed points it out to him.
** Can't forget [[ConfessionCam the The interview]] the American Dicks cameraman has with Cornfed.



** At one point, JamesMadison drops in to clear up some points about the Constitution - Duckman is as shellshocked as the audience.

to:

** At one point, JamesMadison UsefulNotes/JamesMadison drops in to clear up some points about the Constitution - Duckman is as shellshocked as the audience.
5th Jan '17 8:57:49 AM speedyboris
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

** The mayor, to the townspeople in the sewer: "There's a special place in Hell for those of you who brought dogs."
3rd Jan '17 9:16:48 AM SilentStranger
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

[[/folder]]

[[folder:''Duckman: The Graphic Adventures Of A Private Dick'' (PC Game)]]

* Duckman discovering that his favorite strip club has been closed down and turned into a bathroom fixture store. When he complains to the store owner, he says that the club closed because the health inspector found more bacteria in there than a port-a-potty at a GratefulDead concert. Duckman then complains that the club owner still owed him money for letting the owners ugly sister give him a "scratchy lap dance".
** You have to defeat the owner in an insult contest. Problem is, you have to do it in his language, which Duckman doesnt know and has to make guesses based on random phrases he's learned throughout the game.
* The ridiculous amusement park/pizzeria based on Dante's Inferno that Duckman has to operate for part of the game.
* Duckman attempts to sabotage the New Duckmans career by taping him cursing, then putting the recording in the New Duckman Talking Action Figure. This backfires when the public turns out to love the idea of a foul-mouthed toy, something that has never worked for the real Duckman.
* The goal of a long quest chain revolves around getting put on the security guards list at the production studio so he'll let you past. Once you finish it... the guard decides that Duckman looks trustworthy and says he'll just let him in. Duckman is so infuriated that he went through all that for nothing that he forces the guard to look at the list.
* When King Chicken turns out to be the culprit yet again, Duckman lampshades that he should really see that coming by now.
* The NonStandardGameOver you get if you have the characters burn up on re-entry after escaping King Chicken's space station at the end. Cornfed tells you "its not that kind of game" and rewinds to just before.
2nd Jan '17 9:49:05 AM Fretless94
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

** The OverlyLongGag in which leads to Cornfed revealing he's a virgin.
-->'''Duckman:''' I don't know why I didn't see it before, Corny. This is the reason I haven't been getting a second look from the babes! It's what's outside that counts! Women are still after the same darn thing.
-->'''Cornfed:''' Someone who leaves the toilet seat down?
-->'''Duckman:''' Looks! Like that stewardess you used to date. You two wouldn't have been smacking the sheets if she thought your were a mud-face, am I right?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Actually, we never quite went all the way.
-->'''Duckman:''' What? You went out with her for over a year, how far did you get?
-->'''Cornfed:''' She hugged me when we broke up.
-->'''Duckman:''' What about the aerobics instructor?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' The hairdresser?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' Golf instructor?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' The heiress?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' Crossing guard?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' Synchronized swimmer?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' The ice sculptor?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' The ex-nun?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Nope.
-->'''Duckman:''' How about when you got snowbound in that cabin with the nymphomaniac who wanted to get back at her parents?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Second base.
This list shows the last 10 events of 123. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Duckman