History Funny / Duckman

28th Sep '17 1:57:03 PM Fretless94
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** Tobacco executive Walt Evergreen, in a reference to ''Film/TheFugitive'', lists every place that should be searched for Duckman and Agnes.
-->'''Walt:''' Okay people, listen up. I want a hard target search of every outhouse, beach house, warehouse, boathouse, smokehouse, clubhouse, ice house, hot house, white house, crack house, bathhouse, doghouse, cat house, reptile house, halfway house, slaughterhouse, haunted house, gingerbread house and Joe Eszterhas in the tri-swamp area. And people, I want 'em brought back alive...aw, who am I kidding, this is the DeepSouth. Let's bring 'em back dead!
28th Sep '17 5:46:46 AM Fretless94
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* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Ducman flipping channels.

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* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Ducman Duckman flipping channels.
28th Sep '17 5:46:29 AM Fretless94
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* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Ducman flipping channels.
-->'''Coffee Commercial:''' We think it's time you tried Hill O' Beans decaf, because coffee without the caffeine-
-->'''TV Therapist:''' -is like sex without the costumes.
-->'''Cereal Commercial:''' And remember, Happy Tyme pure sucrose breakfast cereal gives you that-
-->'''TV Doctor:''' -large tumor-like growth on the wall of your stomach.
-->'''Detergent Salesman:''' But for cleaner, brighter, fluffier sheets-
-->'''Announcer:''' Tonight's episode; TheKlan.
-->'''Detergent Salesman:''' Have you ever seen anything so white?
24th Sep '17 8:05:02 AM Fretless94
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** Fluffy and Uranus give Duckman a test on how to respect women in this new PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad society. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
-->'''Uranus:''' Number one: Females over the age of 18 are often called girls. How should you refer to them?
-->'''Duckman:''' Sweet potato?
-->'''Uranus:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' Love socket?
-->'''Uranus:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' Box lunch?
-->'''Uranus:''' No! It's womyn! W-O-M-Y-N!
-->'''Fluffy:''' Number two: When you're on a date, when is it okay to kiss her?
-->'''Duckman:''' When her husband's gone?
-->'''Fluffy:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' When the sore heals?
-->'''Fluffy:''' No!
-->'''Duckman:''' After she passes out?
-->'''Fluffy:''' No! When she gives you written permission certified by a Regine approved known republic! Let's move on to the word association part of the test.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Uranus:''' Mr. Duckman, we haven't sta-
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' ...Dog.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' White.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Peanut butter.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Tanzania.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Communism.
-->'''Duckman:''' Breasts.
-->'''Fluffy:''' Music/DollyParton.
-->'''Duckman:''' Bad hair.
27th Aug '17 10:50:17 AM AnotherGuy
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** When the therapist asks Ajax what his idea of the pefect family is, we see a fantasy sequence of Ajax being the fourth brother on ''WeirdScience'' (complete with RogerRabbitEffect.)

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** When the therapist asks Ajax what his idea of the pefect family is, we see a fantasy sequence of Ajax being the fourth Joe's long lost brother on ''WeirdScience'' ''Series/{{Wings}}'' (complete with RogerRabbitEffect.)
27th Aug '17 10:46:59 AM AnotherGuy
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** When the therapist asks Ajax what his idea of the pefect family is, we see a fantasy sequence of Ajax being the fourth brother on ''WeirdScience''.

to:

** When the therapist asks Ajax what his idea of the pefect family is, we see a fantasy sequence of Ajax being the fourth brother on ''WeirdScience''.''WeirdScience'' (complete with RogerRabbitEffect.)
26th Jun '17 8:38:08 PM Fretless94
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* "Sperms of Endearment", after Bernice discovers she's been artificially inseminated with Duckman's sperm, Cornfed arrives at the door.
-->'''Duckman:''' Uh, Corny, this isn't really a good-
-->'''Cornfed:''' My contract stipulates I must appear in every episode for at least ten seconds.
-->'''Duckman:''' Oh, alright. Work okay?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Fine.
-->'''Duckman:''' How's the wife?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Not married.
-->'''Duckman:''' Favorite Beatle?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Ringo. You know, [[StatingTheSimpleSolution if you let me stay I can easily solve whatever crisis you may]]-
-->''(Duckman looks at his watch and slams the door on him)''
20th May '17 5:18:12 PM nombretomado
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** The [[WallStreet Gordon Gecko]]-expy they visit who is the last of America's exes.

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** The [[WallStreet [[Film/WallStreet Gordon Gecko]]-expy they visit who is the last of America's exes.
11th May '17 2:48:27 PM SilentStranger
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** The therapy session almost immediatly devolves into everyone tearing apart eachother, and eventually ganging up on Duckman.
** When the therapist asks Ajax what his idea of the pefect family is, we see a fantasy sequence of Ajax being the fourth brother on ''WeirdScience''.
** Duckman's shockingly offensive behavior around the Indian casino staff, even for him. To start with, the first thing he does after getting out of the car is to do a mock war dance, then a joke around the word "reservation" and it just gets worse from there.
--> '''Manager''': I dont mean to interrupt your grotesque cultural stereotype, but can I help you with something? Maybe directions AWAY from here?
*** Also, Duckman has apparently misunderstood exactly what the opression of native americans was, and has confused it with the slave trade in the South.
** When Duckman complains about his steak being undercooked, the waiter takes it back to the kitchen, and we hear all manner of disgusting things being done to it. When it comes back out, it's rather disleveled, but Duckman apparently likes this one better.
** When the family disintegrates during the therapy session, even Charles and Mambo dont want to speak with eachother anymore, which is problematic since they share a body.


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** The scene where Bernice catches Charles and Mambo smoking and has a despairing breakdown, complete with OneWomanWail, like she just found them dead or something.
** The ridiculous anti-smoking propaganda Bernice wants produced, such as replacing cigarette mascots with "Sammy Strokeface" or "The Cancer-Ridden Clown", and digitally replacing cigarettes in old movies with carrots.
** The pro-smoking lobbyists who presents cigarettes as social samaritans that fund parks and schools with their taxes, when in reality those taxes have to basically be wrenched out of their grubby hands at gunpoint.
27th Apr '17 2:19:15 PM SilentStranger
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** The hideous facial job on the plastic surgeon Duckman goes to for a duckbill extension.



--> '''Bernice''': Duckman, arent you forgetting something?
--> '''Duckman''': *the lights flicker again* [[UpToEleven Oh right, his accomplice]].



** The insane lengths the drycleaning clerk goes to to avoid having to live up to the stores "In By 9, Out By 5" policy. First he just denies that it exists, then tries to stall Duckman until it's after 5, then TEARS THE JACKET so the mending will delay it even further. When Duckman returns by 5, the clerk has just lazily covered up the policy sign and denies that it ever existed.



** Duckman asks a few mental patients if he looks like he fits in among the patients.
--> '''Patient 1''': Well, an objective mental diagnosis is almost impossible to determine. For a better answer I'd have to ask my imaginary friend, the Great Tontoon.
--> '''Patient 2''': Yeah, I wouldnt know either. *turns head slightly* But I might!
--> '''Patient 3''': Most though, sheeps have the biggest sinks!
--> '''Duckman''': -__-



** After the townspeople are trapped in the sewer by the mysterious disasters occuring above, we get this exchange.
--> '''Charles''': This is getting creepy! And we still dont know where dad is. *the sewer is suddenly shaken by an explosion from aboveground*
--> '''Cornfed''': Though a picture is starting to form...
** Duckman screwing around with a steamroller.
--> '''Duckman''': *pops a wheelie* I AM IRON MAN!!
** After surviving the flood in the sewer, Bernice and the kids encounter, of all things, a BUTLER in one of the sewer pipes, who says he was sent there by the employment agency (his whole purpose is to serve as a RedShirt in a later scene).
--> '''Bernice''': Why would an employment agency send a butler to a survival drill in a sewer?
--> '''Butler''': It's a very bad employment agency, madam. Canape?
** While thinking he's the last man on Earth, Duckman engages in some petty revenges by throwing bricks through windows. His victims? The DMV ("Thats for revoking my license!") Cosmo Magazine ("Thats for making women expect an orgasm EVERY DAMN TIME!!), and the Warner Bros Network ("Thats for SUCKING!!"). He also tries to break Gene Siskels windows, but this fails because his house has bulletproof glass. ("Damn you Siskel, you win this round!")



** While looking for the bathroom, Duckman accidently stumbles into the embalming room, and later staggers back to the funeral parlor with stiff limbs and rogue and makeup on.



** When the documentary host is talking about the medicinal explanation of the odd berries Cornfed's ancestor was forcefed, he says you'd have to speak to a doctor or "someone who plays a doctor on TV". Cue one of the actors of the medical soap ''ER'' talking about the berries.



** Among the groups associated with Thompsons evil scheme to destroy the cure for cancer are all manner of medical professionals, New Yorkers who need apartments, and the Republican Party. They dont have anything to do with medical care, they just go where the evil is.
** Thompson is killed when his car crashes into a cigarette truck...which somehow immediatly gives him cancer after it catches fire.




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** Duckman forcing Fluffy and Uranus to carry him and Cornfed around to look for a camp site, and keeps rejecting locations for reasons such as "too hilly", "too flat" and "too perfect".
** Duckman makes such a nusiance of himself at the original campsite that a park ranger forces him to leave because they've gotten complaints from "every living thing within 50 miles".
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Duckman