History Funny / DragonAgeII

21st Dec '16 8:40:53 PM BlackSunNocturne
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Added DiffLines:

** Funnier still is that phrase isn't dirty at all, despite sounding like something else. [[spoiler:Felicitate is a synonym for "congratulate".]]
20th Dec '16 2:52:14 AM Morgenthaler
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* You can set one of these up yourself in act 2 - when you head to the Hanged Man as part of a main story quest, ensure that Isabela and Varric ''aren't'' in your party - the fella you're talking to eventually attacks and is met not only by [[BadAss Ha]][[OneManArmy wke]] but ''half the sodding bar''. Whoops?

to:

* You can set one of these up yourself in act 2 - when you head to the Hanged Man as part of a main story quest, ensure that Isabela and Varric ''aren't'' in your party - the fella you're talking to eventually attacks and is met not only by [[BadAss Ha]][[OneManArmy wke]] [[OneManArmy Hawke]] but ''half the sodding bar''. Whoops?
29th Nov '16 5:15:12 PM LentilSandEater
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** Even funnier if you later romance Isabela. Her earlier jibes at Bethany take on a distinct TwinThreesomeFantasy vibe.



** Actually, it's even funnier if Sebastian is romanced.

to:

** Actually, it's It's even funnier if Sebastian is romanced.



** Varric's line is even funnier when you recall the FramingDevice for the game is Cassandra being a told Hawke's story by Varric.
19th Nov '16 5:13:14 PM nighttrainfm
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--->'''Varric:''' Can I kill him yet? He's hurting me.

to:

--->'''Varric:''' Can I kill him yet? [[SuckinessIsPainful He's hurting me.]]
16th Nov '16 12:45:03 AM MadSpy
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--->'''Prosper:''' To hunt the wyvren on its own ground is to tempt fate: [[VideoGame/MassEffect2 a terrible risk.]] [[MemeticMutation But the prize...]]

to:

--->'''Prosper:''' To hunt the wyvren wyvern on its own ground is to tempt fate: [[VideoGame/MassEffect2 a terrible risk.]] [[MemeticMutation But the prize...]]
15th Nov '16 7:04:29 AM MadSpy
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--->'''Isabela:''' Men. Women. Elves. [[MythologyGag A dwarf in drag once]], but I don't recomend that.

to:

--->'''Isabela:''' Men. Women. Elves. [[MythologyGag A dwarf in drag once]], but I don't recomend recommend that.
13th Nov '16 5:27:20 PM nighttrainfm
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* If you side with the mages without a high enough approval from Fenris, he'll turn against you. But before you have to fight him, you'll have a chance to talk to him again, and if you point out that he is ''consigning people to slavery'', he'll come back. His line, especially the slightly guilty way he says it, is ''priceless''.
--->'''Fenris:''' Uh... (''to Meredith'') I have changed my mind, human. I will stand with my friend.
*** Female!Hawke doesn't even have to point out the slavery bit - it [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey just takes her asking him to join her]] to convince Fenris to swap.

to:

* If you side with the mages without a high enough approval from Fenris, he'll turn against you. But before you have to fight him, you'll have a chance to talk to him again, and if you again. If Hawke is Diplomatic, they'll point out that he is he's effectively ''consigning people to slavery'', and he'll come back. His line, especially the slightly guilty way he says it, is ''priceless''.
--->'''Fenris:''' Uh...I, uh... (''to Meredith'') I have changed my mind, human. I will stand with my friend.
*** Female!Hawke doesn't even have to point out the slavery bit - it [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey just takes her asking him to join her]] to convince Fenris to swap.
friend.
27th Sep '16 8:58:19 AM MinisterOfSinister
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--->'''Isabela''': Hold on a minute, you're sweet on the boy.

to:

--->'''Isabela''': --->'''Isabela:''' Hold on a minute, you're sweet on the boy.



-->'''Sebastian''': I've known Ruxtan Harriman my whole life! He's a complete ''prude''!
-->'''Isabela''': That's my kind of prude.

to:

-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' I've known Ruxtan Harriman my whole life! He's a complete ''prude''!
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' That's my kind of prude.



-->'''Merrill''': I'm sorry. You're not really seeing the Dalish at their best. We're a good people, who look out for each other. Just not today, it seems.
-->'''Hawke''': But the Dalish are so delightful! I was thinking of having the whole clan over for tea!
-->'''Merrill''': I'm sure they'd never accept... Oh, right. Sarcasm.

to:

-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' I'm sorry. You're not really seeing the Dalish at their best. We're a good people, who look out for each other. Just not today, it seems.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' But the Dalish are so delightful! I was thinking of having the whole clan over for tea!
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' I'm sure they'd never accept... Oh, right. Sarcasm.



-->'''Merrill''': Is it like you thought? It's nice, isn't it? He seems nice.
-->'''Aveline''': Yes, he's very...nice.
-->'''Merrill''': I know! And you're so cute when you're with him! Not like normal-you at all!
-->'''Aveline''': Haven't you got something unholy to do?
-->'''Merrill''': No, we're following Hawke. That's important, too.

to:

-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' Is it like you thought? It's nice, isn't it? He seems nice.
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' Yes, he's very...nice.
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' I know! And you're so cute when you're with him! Not like normal-you at all!
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' Haven't you got something unholy to do?
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' No, we're following Hawke. That's important, too.



-->'''Isabela''': "Sister Nightingale," indeed. I remember it didn't take much to make you sing.
-->'''Merrill''': [[CloudCuckooLander I like singing.]] [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Were you in a choir together?]]

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' "Sister Nightingale," indeed. I remember it didn't take much to make you sing.
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' [[CloudCuckooLander I like singing.]] [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Were you in a choir together?]]



-->'''[[spoiler:Flemeth]]''': I half expected my amulet to end up in some merchant's pocket.
-->'''Hawke''': No one wanted to buy it. Maybe because there was a witch inside?

to:

-->'''[[spoiler:Flemeth]]''': -->'''[[spoiler:Flemeth]]:''' I half expected my amulet to end up in some merchant's pocket.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' No one wanted to buy it. Maybe because there was a witch inside?



-->'''Aveline''': Not now, Hawke.

to:

-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' Not now, Hawke.



-->'''Hawke''': It'll be nice to have the law on my side for a change.
-->'''Aveline''': You'll behave yourself. I just sent [[spoiler:Jevan]] to prison for corruption, I'm not going to start down that road.
-->'''Hawke''': You never let me have any fun!
-->'''Bethany''': Thank goodness.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' It'll be nice to have the law on my side for a change.
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' You'll behave yourself. I just sent [[spoiler:Jevan]] to prison for corruption, I'm not going to start down that road.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' You never let me have any fun!
-->'''Bethany''': -->'''Bethany:''' Thank goodness.



-->'''Mine Worker''': Just don't go that way. There's this huge dragon. (''leaves'')
-->'''Merrill''': Oh, are we going to go that way? I've never seen a huge dragon before!

to:

-->'''Mine Worker''': Worker:''' Just don't go that way. There's this huge dragon. (''leaves'')
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' Oh, are we going to go that way? I've never seen a huge dragon before!



-->'''Isabela''': Mmm. Apostate prostitutes? Apostitutes!

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Mmm. Apostate prostitutes? Apostitutes!



-->'''Xenon''': Please...don't fondle Andraste.
-->'''Xenon''': Those rare enchanted items are the prize of my collection... ALSO SOCKS! You can never have enough... socks...
-->'''Xenon''': Do not...maaannnnhandle the urchin, he's not for sale. FIND YOUR OWN!

to:

-->'''Xenon''': -->'''Xenon:''' Please...don't fondle Andraste.
-->'''Xenon''': -->'''Xenon:''' Those rare enchanted items are the prize of my collection... ALSO SOCKS! You can never have enough... socks...
-->'''Xenon''': -->'''Xenon:''' Do not...maaannnnhandle the urchin, he's not for sale. FIND YOUR OWN!



-->'''Sebastian''': What? Why are you smiling at me like that... oh. Ohhhh my. I think I need to pray. A lot.

to:

-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' What? Why are you smiling at me like that... oh. Ohhhh my. I think I need to pray. A lot.



-->'''Isabela''': Come to me and I'll take you places you've never been.
-->'''Varric''': Isabela...''are you talking to Bianca''?
-->'''Isabela''': I think she deserves a woman's touch on her trigger, don't you?
-->'''Varric''': Bianca responds to my touch. She'd never give it up for you.
-->'''Isabela''': That's what they always say, and I always prove them wrong.
-->'''Varric''': Stop it. You're confusing her! [[StrangelyArousing And me]].

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Come to me and I'll take you places you've never been.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Isabela...''are you talking to Bianca''?
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' I think she deserves a woman's touch on her trigger, don't you?
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Bianca responds to my touch. She'd never give it up for you.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' That's what they always say, and I always prove them wrong.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Stop it. You're confusing her! [[StrangelyArousing And me]].



--> '''Varric''': I'll let you run your fingers through it, if you want.
--> '''Isabela''': Your chest hair? My fingers? Oh, Varric, stop! You're making me quiver.
--> '''Varric''': You know you want to.
--> '''Isabela''': Oh I do, I can't resist you. No woman can.
--> '''Varric''': I know. It's a terrible burden.

to:

--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' I'll let you run your fingers through it, if you want.
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Your chest hair? My fingers? Oh, Varric, stop! You're making me quiver.
--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' You know you want to.
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Oh I do, I can't resist you. No woman can.
--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' I know. It's a terrible burden.



--> '''Varric''': Rivaini. Stop looking at my chest. MyEyesAreUpHere.
--> '''Isabela''': ''[[DistractedByTheSexy But the chest hair...]]''
--> '''Varric''': Do you know how much I suffer under your gaze? I am a person, not an object!
--> '''Isabela''': Uh, Varric?
--> '''Varric''': (''laughing'') Just shitting you.

to:

--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' Rivaini. Stop looking at my chest. MyEyesAreUpHere.
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' ''[[DistractedByTheSexy But the chest hair...]]''
--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' Do you know how much I suffer under your gaze? I am a person, not an object!
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Uh, Varric?
--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' (''laughing'') Just shitting you.



--> '''Hawke''': How do you know Isabela?
--> '''Zevran''': How does anyone ''know'' Isabela?
--> '''Isabela''': Yes, well... keep that up and you'll never know Isabela again.

to:

--> '''Hawke''': '''Hawke:''' How do you know Isabela?
--> '''Zevran''': '''Zevran:''' How does anyone ''know'' Isabela?
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Yes, well... keep that up and you'll never know Isabela again.



-->'''Hawke''': You know him best, what do you think?
-->'''Isabela''': I've had better.
-->'''Hawke''': I meant about letting him go or not.
-->'''Isabela''': Oh! Right! I'd let him go.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' You know him best, what do you think?
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' I've had better.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' I meant about letting him go or not.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Oh! Right! I'd let him go.



---> '''Zevran''': I should be going.
---> '''Isabela''': Wait, that's it? What about sex?
---> '''Zevran''': Ah, Isabela, how I've missed you.
---> '''Isabela''': That's because you have piss-poor aim. Fortunately, you have other uses...
** Even better (if you've romanced Isabela) is joining them...leaving your two other teammates behind. Especially if those two are [[TeethClenchedTeamwork Anders and Fenris.]]

to:

---> '''Zevran''': '''Zevran:''' I should be going.
---> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Wait, that's it? What about sex?
---> '''Zevran''': '''Zevran:''' Ah, Isabela, how I've missed you.
---> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' That's because you have piss-poor aim. Fortunately, you have other uses...
** Even better (if you've romanced Isabela) is joining them... leaving your two other teammates behind. Especially if those two are [[TeethClenchedTeamwork Anders and Fenris.]]



-->'''Hawke''': They even threatened to kill his dog. *concerned voice* His ''dog'', Hubert!

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' They even threatened to kill his dog. *concerned voice* His ''dog'', Hubert!



-->'''Seneschal''': Although where you'd find a guardsman so quick to sell his honor and duty, I'm sure ''I'' wouldn't know.
-->'''Anders''': (''immediately'') The Hanged Man.
-->'''Varric''': (''almost simultaneously'') Hanged Man.
-->'''Hawke''': No question.

to:

-->'''Seneschal''': -->'''Seneschal:''' Although where you'd find a guardsman so quick to sell his honor and duty, I'm sure ''I'' wouldn't know.
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' (''immediately'') The Hanged Man.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' (''almost simultaneously'') Hanged Man.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' No question.



-->'''Anders''': The Hanged Man.
-->'''Varric''': Hanged Man.
-->'''Sebastian''': Even ''I'' know that.

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' The Hanged Man.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Hanged Man.
-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' Even ''I'' know that.



-->'''Hawke''': So I shouldn't slit my wrists and dance naked under the moonlight just to fit in.
-->'''Love Interest''': I would pay to see that.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' So I shouldn't slit my wrists and dance naked under the moonlight just to fit in.
in/
-->'''Love Interest''': Interest:''' I would pay to see that.



-->'''Orsino''': Well, if ''that's'' what you're planning, perhaps I should join you after all.

to:

-->'''Orsino''': -->'''Orsino:''' Well, if ''that's'' what you're planning, perhaps I should join you after all.



-->'''Anders''': I've always wondered, why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?
-->'''Varric''': You left out criminals and hired muscle.
-->'''Anders''': They don't count.
-->'''Varric''': We dwarves are drawn to shiny objects. Sort of like magpies, but with business sense.
-->'''Anders''': You're kidding.
-->'''Varric''': Of course I am. We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors had, Blondie. You think there's a tradition of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? Beekeepers? Sailors?
-->'''Anders''': Well, there could be mushroom growers and nug wranglers.
-->'''Varric''': Orzammar will never let those people go topside. Too vital. Also, embarrassing.

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' I've always wondered, why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' You left out criminals and hired muscle.
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' They don't count.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' We dwarves are drawn to shiny objects. Sort of like magpies, but with business sense.
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' You're kidding.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Of course I am. We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors had, Blondie. You think there's a tradition of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? Beekeepers? Sailors?
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' Well, there could be mushroom growers and nug wranglers.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Orzammar will never let those people go topside. Too vital. Also, embarrassing.



-->'''Anders''': Do you ever miss Fereldan?
-->'''Aveline''': All the time. Lothering was my home. I would never have left if not for the blight. But my life is in Kirkwall now. You?
-->'''Anders''': I didn't think I would care in the slightest when I left, but now I'm not so sure. Something about Kirkwall just seems... off, somehow.
-->'''Aveline''': You mean how badly they treat mages here, right?
-->'''Anders''': No, that's not it at all.... There's just [[TheDungAges not enough dog shit]].

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' Do you ever miss Fereldan?
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' All the time. Lothering was my home. I would never have left if not for the blight. But my life is in Kirkwall now. You?
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' I didn't think I would care in the slightest when I left, but now I'm not so sure. Something about Kirkwall just seems... off, somehow.
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' You mean how badly they treat mages here, right?
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' No, that's not it at all.... There's just [[TheDungAges not enough dog shit]].



--> '''Smartass!Hawke''': I don't know if it's brilliant or horrible that you play Diamondback with my dog.
-->'''Varric''': Hey, I'm just saying, if he learned to watch his tells he'd be up more than three sovereigns.

to:

--> '''Smartass!Hawke''': '''Smartass!Hawke:''' I don't know if it's brilliant or horrible that you play Diamondback with my dog.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Hey, I'm just saying, if he learned to watch his tells he'd be up more than three sovereigns.



--> '''Hanged Man patron''': [[spoiler: I hear the Champion of Kirkwall has killed a dozen dragons, and sleeps on a bed made from their bones. And I hear s/he uses the Arishok's skull as a gravy boat.]]

to:

--> '''Hanged Man patron''': patron:''' [[spoiler: I hear the Champion of Kirkwall has killed a dozen dragons, and sleeps on a bed made from their bones. And I hear s/he uses the Arishok's skull as a gravy boat.]]



-->'''Aveline''': I'm the Captain of the Guard. I'm strong, loyal, and don't look half-bad naked.
-->'''Isabela''': Exactly. And if I called you a mannish, awkward, ball-crushing do-gooder, you'd say...?
-->'''Aveline''': (''cheerily'') Shut up, whore.
-->'''Isabela''': (''fondly'') That's my girl.

to:

-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' I'm the Captain of the Guard. I'm strong, loyal, and don't look half-bad naked.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Exactly. And if I called you a mannish, awkward, ball-crushing do-gooder, you'd say...?
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' (''cheerily'') Shut up, whore.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' (''fondly'') That's my girl.



--> '''Isabela''': How's marriage been treating you, big girl?
-->'''Aveline''': It's been good. No, great. I'd forgotten what it was like to -
--> '''Isabela''': Be flipped ass-over-tits and hammered like a bent nail?
-->'''Aveline''': To. Be. ''Loved.''
--> '''Isabela''': Oh. Right. Of course.
-->'''Aveline''': Not that I'm complaining about the other thing.

to:

--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' How's marriage been treating you, big girl?
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' It's been good. No, great. I'd forgotten what it was like to -
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Be flipped ass-over-tits and hammered like a bent nail?
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' To. Be. ''Loved.''
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' Oh. Right. Of course.
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' Not that I'm complaining about the other thing.



-->'''Hawke''': (''turning in the quest'') The screaming mage?

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' (''turning in the quest'') The screaming mage?



-->'''Hawke''': Carver, what would Mother say?
-->'''Carver''': You're just - that's not what I...shit!

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' Carver, what would Mother say?
-->'''Carver''': -->'''Carver:''' You're just - that's not what I...shit!



--> '''Varric''': So what do you do in that gigantic house all day?
--> '''Fenris''': Dance, of course.
--> '''Varric''': ''Really?''
--> '''Fenris''': I run from room to room, choreographing routines.
--> '''Varric''': You're actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!
--> '''Fenris''': And you thought I was always serious.

to:

--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' So what do you do in that gigantic house all day?
--> '''Fenris''': '''Fenris:''' Dance, of course.
--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' ''Really?''
--> '''Fenris''': '''Fenris:''' I run from room to room, choreographing routines.
--> '''Varric''': '''Varric:''' You're actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!
--> '''Fenris''': '''Fenris:''' And you thought I was always serious.



--> '''Bethany''': That book you were reading this morning, ''Hessarian's Spear''. I don't think he had a spear in the legends.
--> '''Isabela''': He does in this one. Read the description.
--> '''Bethany''': "Andraste knelt before no man but her Maker. But she hadn't counted on the Archon Hessarian. Can Hessarian penetrate the tight-knit defenses of the warrior-prophetess? Will she be prepared to face the full blast of his...power"...''wait a minute''...Isabela, this is a vulgar thing!
--> '''Isabela''': You want to borrow it?
--> '''Bethany''': ''No!''
--> '''Isabela''': You sure? It has ''pictures''.
--> '''Bethany''': Not listening, I'm not listening!

to:

--> '''Bethany''': '''Bethany:''' That book you were reading this morning, ''Hessarian's Spear''. I don't think he had a spear in the legends.
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' He does in this one. Read the description.
--> '''Bethany''': '''Bethany:''' "Andraste knelt before no man but her Maker. But she hadn't counted on the Archon Hessarian. Can Hessarian penetrate the tight-knit defenses of the warrior-prophetess? Will she be prepared to face the full blast of his...power"...''wait a minute''...Isabela, this is a vulgar thing!
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' You want to borrow it?
--> '''Bethany''': '''Bethany:''' ''No!''
--> '''Isabela''': '''Isabela:''' You sure? It has ''pictures''.
--> '''Bethany''': '''Bethany:''' Not listening, I'm not listening!



-->'''Hawke''': How about we let your man handle this one?
-->'''Aveline''': How about [[AssShove I shove a canary up your coal mine]]? Let's go.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' How about we let your man handle this one?
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' How about [[AssShove I shove a canary up your coal mine]]? Let's go.



-->'''Merrill''': Does your bow have a name? Varric's crossbow [[ICallItVera has a name.]]
-->'''Sebastian''': I'm afraid I can't compete with our dwarven friend's...[[CargoShip relationship]] with his weapon.
-->'''Merrill''': You could call it "Philomela."
-->'''Sebastian''': ''[deeply confused]'' ''Why'' would I do that?
-->'''Merrill''': Because it reminds me of a woman in the Alienage. Thin, pointed, and always throwing things at people.

to:

-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' Does your bow have a name? Varric's crossbow [[ICallItVera has a name.]]
-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' I'm afraid I can't compete with our dwarven friend's...[[CargoShip relationship]] with his weapon.
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' You could call it "Philomela."
-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' ''[deeply confused]'' ''Why'' would I do that?
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' Because it reminds me of a woman in the Alienage. Thin, pointed, and always throwing things at people.



-->'''Anders''': If anyone here tries to hire me again I'm leaving.

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' If anyone here tries to hire me again I'm leaving.



-->'''Varric''': I think that statue over there is a statement on modern life. Possibly the statement is, "Well, shit."

to:

-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' I think that statue over there is a statement on modern life. Possibly the statement is, "Well, shit."



-->'''Varric''': And this array of sculptures is known as "Scurvy Bastards Reflecting on Modern Life." After much reflection, they appear to have come to the conclusion, "Well, shit."

to:

-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' And this array of sculptures is known as "Scurvy Bastards Reflecting on Modern Life." After much reflection, they appear to have come to the conclusion, "Well, shit."



-->'''NPC''': Don't wave that around! I mean...thank you for returning this perfectly harmless item to me.

to:

-->'''NPC''': -->'''NPC:''' Don't wave that around! I mean...thank you for returning this perfectly harmless item to me.



-->'''Hawke''': Your lost garbage, serah.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' Your lost garbage, serah.



-->'''Hawke''': "I like big boats. I cannot lie"? Really, Isabela?

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' "I like big boats. I cannot lie"? Really, Isabela?



-->'''Isabela''': There was a brothel on the slummier side of Antiva City called the Bone Pit. It was entirely different from this.

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' There was a brothel on the slummier side of Antiva City called the Bone Pit. It was entirely different from this.



-->'''Fenris''': If I'd known Anso would find me a man/woman so capable, I'd have asked him sooner.
-->'''Hawke''': You sound like you're about to ask for a loan.

to:

-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' If I'd known Anso would find me a man/woman so capable, I'd have asked him sooner.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' You sound like you're about to ask for a loan.



-->'''Isabela''': I hear he still wears the shackles of his old life...''under his clothes''. You know what they say about a man like that, don't you? ... ''He can't find a saw''! (''cackles'') I had you there. You thought I was going to say something dirty! (''she continues laughing while Hawke [[FacePalm facepalms]]'')

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' I hear he still wears the shackles of his old life...''under his clothes''. You know what they say about a man like that, don't you? ... ''He can't find a saw''! (''cackles'') I had you there. You thought I was going to say something dirty! (''she continues laughing while Hawke [[FacePalm facepalms]]'')



-->'''Merrill''': Have I ever mentioned I like your coat?
-->'''Anders''': You do?
-->'''Merrill''': It's very lively! Like a crow in the middle of anting!
-->'''Anders''': That's...that's great. Thanks, Merrill.
-->'''Varric''': I tried to warn you, Blondie.
-->'''Anders''': You're not helping.

to:

-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' Have I ever mentioned I like your coat?
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' You do?
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' It's very lively! Like a crow in the middle of anting!
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' That's...that's great. Thanks, Merrill.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' I tried to warn you, Blondie.
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' You're not helping.



-->'''Varric''': I ''swear'', I will find that son of a bitch - sorry, Mother - and I will kill him!

to:

-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' I ''swear'', I will find that son of a bitch - sorry, Mother - and I will kill him!



-->'''Merrill''': You came so far together, and you didn't even have a keeper to make you get along.
-->'''Aveline''': So...your keeper tells you to stop kicking each other, or she'll turn the Aravel around...?
-->'''Merrill''': (''thoughtfully'') Sometimes she also tells us to stop pulling hair.

to:

-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' You came so far together, and you didn't even have a keeper to make you get along.
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' So...your keeper tells you to stop kicking each other, or she'll turn the Aravel around...?
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' (''thoughtfully'') Sometimes she also tells us to stop pulling hair.



-->'''Fenris''': I see. Then we have wrongly inserted ourselves into another's affairs. Would you have us kill this dwarf?
-->'''Javaris''': [[OhCrap Wait. What now?]]

to:

-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' I see. Then we have wrongly inserted ourselves into another's affairs. Would you have us kill this dwarf?
-->'''Javaris''': -->'''Javaris:''' [[OhCrap Wait. What now?]]



-->'''Carver''': Many of us got tattoos before Ostagar. Mabari, for strength.
-->'''Fenris''': Does it [[CursedWithAwesome curse you with the ability to reach into a man's chest and tear out his heart?]]
-->'''Carver''': No. But I can make it bark.
-->'''Fenris''': Please refrain.
-->'''Varric''': Seconded.
-->'''Aveline''': Agreed.
-->'''Anders''': Yes, refrain.
-->'''Merrill''': That's...ew.
-->'''Isabela''': Rather see it wag.
-->'''Hawke''': ''(sigh)''

to:

-->'''Carver''': -->'''Carver:''' Many of us got tattoos before Ostagar. Mabari, for strength.
-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' Does it [[CursedWithAwesome curse you with the ability to reach into a man's chest and tear out his heart?]]
-->'''Carver''': -->'''Carver:''' No. But I can make it bark.
-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' Please refrain.
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Seconded.
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' Agreed.
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' Yes, refrain.
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' That's...ew.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Rather see it wag.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' ''(sigh)''



-->'''Hawke''': What aren't you telling me?
-->'''Anders''': Oh, many things, I'm sure. Did I tell you about the dream I had where the Grand Cleric was completely naked, except for her miter? And there was this giant glowing cheese wheel...

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' What aren't you telling me?
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' Oh, many things, I'm sure. Did I tell you about the dream I had where the Grand Cleric was completely naked, except for her miter? And there was this giant glowing cheese wheel...



-->'''Hawke''': Is that all you do? Dwell on the negative?
-->'''Fenris''': No! I - (''pauses'') Well, alright. Yes. Fair enough.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' Is that all you do? Dwell on the negative?
-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' No! I - (''pauses'') Well, alright. Yes. Fair enough.



-->'''Anders''': If we had a rock to push uphill, this would perfectly sum up my life.

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' If we had a rock to push uphill, this would perfectly sum up my life.



-->'''Fenris''': The ancient elves were ''brilliant''.

to:

-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' The ancient elves were ''brilliant''.



-->'''Merrill''': I hate to say it, but my ancestors were not thinking clearly when they decided to bury people on top of a mountain.

to:

-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' I hate to say it, but my ancestors were not thinking clearly when they decided to bury people on top of a mountain.



-->'''Hawke''': So you think the templars...what? Killed and ate your brother?

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' So you think the templars...what? Killed and ate your brother?



-->'''Hawke''': (''[[DeadpanSnarker deadpan]]'') Summoned a horror. Of course. [[LampshadeHanging Why]] ''wouldn't'' I do that?

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' (''[[DeadpanSnarker deadpan]]'') Summoned a horror. Of course. [[LampshadeHanging Why]] ''wouldn't'' I do that?



-->'''Anders''': Now that I'm living here there isn't room for you in the bed. Do you understand?
-->'''Dog''': (''Whines, howls'')
-->'''Anders''': That won't work on me. I'm a cat person. Cheer up, old boy. Maybe you can bunk with Sandal!
-->'''Sandal''': Enchantment!
-->'''Dog''': (''Happy bark!'')

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' Now that I'm living here there isn't room for you in the bed. Do you understand?
-->'''Dog''': -->'''Dog:''' (''Whines, howls'')
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' That won't work on me. I'm a cat person. Cheer up, old boy. Maybe you can bunk with Sandal!
-->'''Sandal''': -->'''Sandal:''' Enchantment!
-->'''Dog''': -->'''Dog:''' (''Happy bark!'')



-->'''Tallis''': The Montfort family inherited this mountain from a clan of Nevarran dragon-hunters. Well, maybe inherited is the wrong word. What do you call it when you kill someone in order to get all their stuff?
-->'''Aggressive!Hawke''': Tuesday.

to:

-->'''Tallis''': -->'''Tallis:''' The Montfort family inherited this mountain from a clan of Nevarran dragon-hunters. Well, maybe inherited is the wrong word. What do you call it when you kill someone in order to get all their stuff?
-->'''Aggressive!Hawke''': -->'''Aggressive!Hawke:''' Tuesday.



-->'''Snarky!Hawke''': [[KleptomaniacHero Adventuring!]]

to:

-->'''Snarky!Hawke''': -->'''Snarky!Hawke:''' [[KleptomaniacHero Adventuring!]]



--> '''Hawke''': (''to Isabela'') No you ''don't!'' (''To Carver'') No she ''doesn't!''

to:

--> '''Hawke''': '''Hawke:''' (''to Isabela'') No you ''don't!'' (''To Carver'') No she ''doesn't!''



-->'''Isabela''': You certainly fill out a skirt Carver. A shame, I suppose you're all religious and such now.
-->'''Carver''': Do you know how long the Chant of Light is? How much stamina it requires?
-->'''Isabela''': Go on...
-->'''Carver''': With passion'd breath comes darkness, but with many against Her, She finds His light untiring as it parts the Veil.
-->'''Isabela''': Not sure if I'm aroused or scared. I like it.
--> '''Hawke''': (''to Isabela'') No you ''don't!'' (''To Carver'') No she ''doesn't!''
-->'''Sebastian''': Don't do that to the Chant!
-->'''Isabela''': Shush, you.

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' You certainly fill out a skirt Carver. A shame, I suppose you're all religious and such now.
-->'''Carver''': -->'''Carver:''' Do you know how long the Chant of Light is? How much stamina it requires?
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Go on...
-->'''Carver''': -->'''Carver:''' With passion'd breath comes darkness, but with many against Her, She finds His light untiring as it parts the Veil.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Not sure if I'm aroused or scared. I like it.
--> '''Hawke''': '''Hawke:''' (''to Isabela'') No you ''don't!'' (''To Carver'') No she ''doesn't!''
-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' Don't do that to the Chant!
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Shush, you.



-->'''Fenris''': Not ''another word''.
-->'''Merrill''': All right then. Maybe I can hum? Or whistle?

to:

-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' Not ''another word''.
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' All right then. Maybe I can hum? Or whistle?



-->'''Isabela''': Are there...other areas of intimacy that you haven't explored?
-->'''Aveline''': ''Why?'' Why do you give me these doubts?
-->'''Isabela''': Aveline. If you shove your thumb up his ass, ''I win.''

to:

-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Are there...other areas of intimacy that you haven't explored?
-->'''Aveline''': -->'''Aveline:''' ''Why?'' Why do you give me these doubts?
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Aveline. If you shove your thumb up his ass, ''I win.''



-->'''Hawke''': (''coughs'')
-->'''Fenris''': (''laughs'')
-->'''Merrill''': [[{{Squick}} Ew!]]
-->'''Anders''': [[NoJustNoReaction Just... no.]]
-->'''Sebastian''': [[{{Squick}} Oh, Maker.]]
-->'''Varric''': Ah, that old chestnut.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' (''coughs'')
-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' (''laughs'')
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' [[{{Squick}} Ew!]]
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' [[NoJustNoReaction Just... no.]]
-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' [[{{Squick}} Oh, Maker.]]
-->'''Varric''': -->'''Varric:''' Ah, that old chestnut.



-->'''Hawke''': I could talk to him, but it's funnier this way.
-->'''Isabela''': Hawke!
-->'''Hawke''': You have pretty eyes.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' I could talk to him, but it's funnier this way.
-->'''Isabela''': -->'''Isabela:''' Hawke!
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' You have pretty eyes.



-->'''Hawke''': I have an excellent sense of dramatic timing. And good hair.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' I have an excellent sense of dramatic timing. And good hair.



-->'''Anders''': Here I always figured you'd be the one coming to spring me from someone's dungeon. I had it all planned. I'd be in the Gallows, Templars all around holding the brand for the Rite of Tranquility. Then you'd burst in and break my chains. And then it would be all about the best way to show my gratitude.
-->'''Hawke''': Then I should spend some time working out how to thank you.
-->'''Tallis''': Not to come between you two or anything, but...you didn't actually rescue us. I did.
-->'''Anders''': It's the thought that counts!

to:

-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' Here I always figured you'd be the one coming to spring me from someone's dungeon. I had it all planned. I'd be in the Gallows, Templars all around holding the brand for the Rite of Tranquility. Then you'd burst in and break my chains. And then it would be all about the best way to show my gratitude.
-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' Then I should spend some time working out how to thank you.
-->'''Tallis''': -->'''Tallis:''' Not to come between you two or anything, but...you didn't actually rescue us. I did.
-->'''Anders''': -->'''Anders:''' It's the thought that counts!



--> '''Snarky!Hawke''': You're a darkspawn. Daaaark-spaaaaawn. Ravaging the Deep Roads, spreading the Blight, does any of this ring a bell?

to:

--> '''Snarky!Hawke''': '''Snarky!Hawke:''' You're a darkspawn. Daaaark-spaaaaawn. Ravaging the Deep Roads, spreading the Blight, does any of this ring a bell?



-->'''Sebastian''': Crawling through blight-infested tunnels, rescuing Wardens in peril. This is what I signed on for.

to:

-->'''Sebastian''': -->'''Sebastian:''' Crawling through blight-infested tunnels, rescuing Wardens in peril. This is what I signed on for.



-->'''Hawke''': You know, she looks nothing like you. Thank the Maker for small miracles!
-->'''Gamlen''': Really. I... [[LateToThePunchline Hey!]]

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' You know, she looks nothing like you. Thank the Maker for small miracles!
-->'''Gamlen''': -->'''Gamlen:''' Really. I... [[LateToThePunchline Hey!]]



-->'''Hawke''': I'd like to know who this Corypheus is. With a name like that he's bound to go "mwa-ha-hah!" at some point, I just know it.

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' I'd like to know who this Corypheus is. With a name like that he's bound to go "mwa-ha-hah!" at some point, I just know it.



-->'''Fenris''': So. Still not an abomination, I see.
-->'''Merrill''': Let me see. Not deformed. Not crazy. Not attacking everyone. Yep, I think I'm good!

to:

-->'''Fenris''': -->'''Fenris:''' So. Still not an abomination, I see.
-->'''Merrill''': -->'''Merrill:''' Let me see. Not deformed. Not crazy. Not attacking everyone. Yep, I think I'm good!



--> '''Aggressive!Hawke''': Don't you have anything ''positive'' to say?
--> '''Fenris''': ''[{{beat}}]'' The wine was tasty?

to:

--> '''Aggressive!Hawke''': '''Aggressive!Hawke:''' Don't you have anything ''positive'' to say?
--> '''Fenris''': '''Fenris:''' ''[{{beat}}]'' The wine was tasty?



-->'''Hawke''': And here I remember you mooning over that red-headed lay sister with the accent.
-->'''Carver''': She was nice, wasn't she?

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' And here I remember you mooning over that red-headed lay sister with the accent.
-->'''Carver''': -->'''Carver:''' She was nice, wasn't she?



-->'''Hawke''': Leave it to me. By the time done, these Templars will swear the sky is green!

to:

-->'''Hawke''': -->'''Hawke:''' Leave it to me. By the time done, these Templars will swear the sky is green!
17th Sep '16 1:16:01 AM LordGoatKing
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* During the a mission in Act 2 a Snarky!Hawke can make a comment that becomes HilariousInHindsight when you consider Hawke's actions in Legacy and how they later come into effect during Inquisition.

to:

* During the a mission in Act 2 a Snarky!Hawke can make a comment that becomes HilariousInHindsight when you consider Hawke's actions in Legacy and how they later come into effect during Inquisition.''VideoGame/DragonAgeInquisition''.
17th Sep '16 1:13:27 AM LordGoatKing
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-->'''Carver''': She was nice, wasn't she?

to:

-->'''Carver''': She was nice, wasn't she?she?
* During the a mission in Act 2 a Snarky!Hawke can make a comment that becomes HilariousInHindsight when you consider Hawke's actions in Legacy and how they later come into effect during Inquisition.
-->'''Hawke''': Leave it to me. By the time done, these Templars will swear the sky is green!
This list shows the last 10 events of 538. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.DragonAgeII