History Funny / Dragnet

'''Streebek:''' "Brightly shone the Moon that night, though the frost was cru-el/When and old man came in sight, gather--"\\

-->'''Gannon''': Are you Loomis?
'''Loomis''': That's MISTER Daniel Loomis. And you would be?
'''Gannon (flashing his badge)''': I'm MISTER Officer Gannon, this is MISTER Sargent Friday.

-->'''Friday''': Unless you're growing, sit down!

-->'''Friday:''' (Beat) I hate you, Streebek.

'''Whirley''': ''[giggles]'' Forgotten? Why, Sergeant... ''[laughs harder]*'' I'm absolutely ''counting'' on them!

'''Whirley''': ''[giggles]'' Forgotten? Why, Sergeant... ''[laughs harde]*'' I'm absolutely ''counting'' on them!

* In one episode, a murder has been committed in an apartment whose manager is an old man with a phenomenal knowledge of criminology [[spoiler:gained from years as a police detective]]. He notes so much about the case, that when it comes time to do a fingerprint check on him, Gannon wryly notes an extra place they ought to telefax the fingerprints to:

-->'''Friday:''' Not him. You! This is your one-way ticket back to civilian life, Mr. I-Like-To-Throw-The-Book-Out-The-Window! : shakes the notepad at Pep :
-->'''Streebek:''' That's a good idea. : grabs the notepad and does just that :

-->'''Wiss''': ''"Would you say these look like the breasts of a 43-year-old woman?"''\\
'''Friday''': ''"No, no they don't, Miss Wiss. They're quite impressive... bordering on spectacular."''

* The P.A.G.A.N. dance. Helped, of course, by the goat leggings.
** And during their attempt to explain this to the chief, Pep and Friday recreate it.

** Later, when trying to deduce Friday and The Virgin Connie Swail's whereabouts, Streebek briefly considers the idea of them [[AutoErotica having sex in said Yugo]], before eventually declaring it to be [[TakeThat impossible]], complete with using hand motions to try and work out the logistics.

'''[[spoiler: Whirley]]''': ''[beat]'' [[UsefulNotes/IsraelisWithInfraredMissiles The Israelis?]]\\

'''[[spoiler:Whirley]]''': ''*giggles*'' Forgotten? Why, Sergeant... ''*laughs harder*'' I'm absolutely ''counting'' on them!

-->'''Streebek''':''"Good King Wenceslas last looked out, on the feast of Stephen/When the snow lay round about..."''\\
'''Friday:''' ''"Deep and crisp and ee-ven!"''\\
'''Streebek:''' ''"Brightly shone the Moon that night, though the frost was cru-el/When and old man came in sight, gather--"''\\
'''Friday:''' ''"[[DeadpanSnarker Try a chorus of 'Silent Night']]."''
* The WhamLine at the very end, which was being built up over half the film. You know what I'm talking about.
** ''Da-da-DUN-dun!''
* The narration mentions that [[spoiler: Whirley]] was found guilty on a long list of crimes, including two counts of attempted murder, kidnapping, arson, obstruction of justice, and tampering with public utilities.

* The introduction of the film has Dan Aykroyd as Detective Friday giving a charmingly straight-faced soliloquy about life and crime in the City of Angels. As he enters the front doors of the LAPD headquarters, the traditional Dragnet music suddenly and jarringly shifts into Art of Noise's ''very'' 80's remix. It can be as funny as it is awesome.

-->'''Narrator''': He is currently in the men's correctional facility at Chino, serving [[LongerThanLifeSentence forty-three consecutive ninety-nine year sentences,]] which makes him eligible for parole in ''seven years.''

'''[[spoiler: Whirley]]''': ''[beat]'' [[UsefulNotes/IsraelisWithInfraredMissiles The Israelis?]]

* Friday lecturing Streebek after they accidentally bust an ordinary, law-abiding business...[[spoiler:actually a decoy for a P.A.G.A.N. establishment]].

* The punchline at the very end, which was being built up over half the film. You know what I'm talking about.

-->'''[[spoiler: Whirley]]''': ''[beat]'' [[UsefulNotes/IsraelisWithInfraredMissiles The Israelis?]]

* When the duo get assigned [[TheAllegedCar a Yugo]] as their official car, which Friday describes as the only car the department was willing to release to them after losing their two previous vehicles to theft and explosion and "[[DamningWithFaintPraise reflecting the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology]]."
** Later, when trying to deduce Friday and The Virgin Connie Swail's whereabouts, Streebek briefly considers the idea of them [[AutoErotica having sex in said Yugo]], before eventually declaring it to be [[TakeThat impossible]], complete with using hand motions to try and work out the logistics.

* [[TortureForFunAndInformation The interrogation.]] Put simply, it's between Pep Streebeck, Emil Muzz, [[GroinAttack Emil Muzz's balls... and repeated slamming of a desk drawer]].
* When the duo get assigned [[TheAllegedCar a Yugo]] as their official car, which Friday describes as the only car the department was willing to release to them after losing their two previous vehicles to theft and explosion and "[[DamningWithFaintPraise reflecting the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology]]."
** Later, when trying to deduce Friday and The Virgin Connie Swail's whereabouts, Streebek briefly considers the idea of them [[AutoErotica having sex in said Yugo]], before eventually declaring it to be [[TakeThat impossible]], complete with using hand motions to try and work out the logistics.
* The punchline at the very end, which was being built up over half the film. You know what I'm talking about.
** ''Da-da-DUN-dun!''
* "Oh thank God, vibrator repair!"
* The amazing BrickJoke about Sylvia Wyss. During the opening, the narrator informs us Sylvia Wyss is in fact a man, his name and appearance having been changed "to protect the innocent". So when Sylvia bares her chest at Friday...
-->'''Wyss''': ''"Tell me, Detective: Do these look like the breasts of a 43-year-old woman?"''
-->'''Friday''': ''"No, ma'am. They're actually quite lovely... bordering on spectacular."''

-->'''Friday:''' Are you threatening me, son?
-->'''Thugs:''' ''[[SarcasmMode oooOOOoooOOO!]]''

-->'''Friday:''' Just like the sign said on the building before you obliterated it! Fresh, wholesome milk!
-->'''Streebek:''' You probably love this stuff, don't you?
-->'''Friday:''' Vitamin D, calcium, essential for good, strong bones and healthy teeth...but I'll bet that's all Greek to you, Mr. Gingivitis!"
* [[CrankyLandlady Enid]] [[SirSwearsALot Borden]]'s filthy, filthy mouth.
* Friday and Streebek find a lion's mane was butchered to the point the lion literally has a mohawk.
-->'''Friday:''' Somebody must have wanted that lion's mane pretty bad to pull a twisted stunt like this.
-->'''Streebek:''' Although, as mohawks go, it's not that bad. It'll grow back.
-->'''Friday:''' Yeah? And how do you explain this to all these kids who have never seen a lion before, and now probably will never want to see one again?
-->'''Streebek:''' Kids? It'll grow back.
-->'''Kids:''' ''YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!''

-->'''Streebek''':''"Good King Wenceslas last looked out, on the feast of Stephen/When the snow lay round about..."''
-->'''Friday:''' ''"Deep and crisp and ee-ven!"''
-->'''Streebek:''' ''"Brightly shone the Moon that night, though the frost was cru-el/When and old man came in sight, gather--"''
-->'''Friday:''' ''"[[DeadpanSnarker Try a chorus of 'Silent Night']]."''
* Friday chewing Pep out at one point.
-->'''Friday:''' There are two things that distinguish us from animals: One, we use cutlery! Two, we are capable of controlling our biological urges! Now that may be a problem for you, but don't drag me down into your own personal hell!
* The P.A.G.A.N. dance. Helped, of course, by the goat leggings.
** And during their attempt to explain this to the chief, Pep and Friday recreate it.

-->'''Narrator''': He is currently in the men's correctional facility at Chino, serving [[LongerThanLifeSentence forty-three consecutive ninety-nine year sentences,]] ''which makes him eligible for parole in seven years.''