History Funny / CompanyOfHeroes

15th Sep '17 8:12:34 AM MaddKossack115
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--> "Join the army, they said. [[RecruitersAlwaysLie It will be fun, they said]]."

to:

--> "Join "[[JoinTheArmyTheySaid Join the army, they said.said]]. [[RecruitersAlwaysLie It will be fun, they said]]."



** [[MeanBrit Infantry Section sergeants]] are quite the [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarkers]], [[UptoEleven especially]] when chewing poor Duffy.

to:

** [[MeanBrit Infantry Section sergeants]] are quite the [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarkers]], [[UptoEleven especially]] when chewing poor Duffy.[[ButtMonkey Duffy]].
14th Sep '17 11:07:28 AM kran96
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*** This one is actually quite deep. The squad leader descends from a coal mining area in South Wales and is labour-oriented. Apart from coal mining jokes, he was also probably told racist anti-Welsh sheep bestiality jokes from Englishmen, [[FridgeBrilliance thus his nasty (but hilarious) comments against the English can be seen as a reaction of resentment]]. This is also linked to an anti-English sentiment about the anti-English perception that England was unfairly benefiting from Wales' natural resources such as coal and water.

to:

*** This one is actually quite deep. The squad leader descends from a coal mining area in South Wales and is labour-oriented. Apart from coal mining jokes, he was also probably told racist anti-Welsh sheep bestiality jokes from Englishmen, [[FridgeBrilliance thus his nasty (but hilarious) comments against the English can be seen as a reaction of resentment]]. This is also linked to an anti-English sentiment about the anti-English perception that England was unfairly benefiting from Wales' natural resources such as coal and water.
14th Sep '17 11:05:56 AM kran96
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*** This one is actually quite deep. The squad leader descends from a coal mining area in South Wales and is labour-oriented. Apart from coal mining jocks, he was also probably told racist anti-Welsh sheep bestiality jokes from Englishmen, [[FridgeBrilliance thus his nasty (but hilarious) comments against the English can be seen as a reaction of resentment]].

to:

*** This one is actually quite deep. The squad leader descends from a coal mining area in South Wales and is labour-oriented. Apart from coal mining jocks, jokes, he was also probably told racist anti-Welsh sheep bestiality jokes from Englishmen, [[FridgeBrilliance thus his nasty (but hilarious) comments against the English can be seen as a reaction of resentment]].resentment]]. This is also linked to an anti-English sentiment about the anti-English perception that England was unfairly benefiting from Wales' natural resources such as coal and water.
14th Sep '17 11:02:21 AM kran96
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* The British are usually more serious and stiff-lipped than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, often being the [[ComicallySerious Comically Serious]]:
--> "Ah bloody hell, which one of you bastards shit his pants?"

to:

* The British are usually more serious and stiff-lipped than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, quotes (especially when overclicked), often being the [[ComicallySerious Comically Serious]]:
--> "OH 'ELLO WANKER! WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
-->
"Ah bloody hell, which one of you bastards shit shite his pants?"pants?"
--> '''Kangaroo driver, when clicked many times''': "No time for your incessant questions!"
--> '''Kangaroo driver, again when overclicked''': "He's not that kind of kangaroo. Are you daft?"
--> '''Bren Carrier, when overclicked''': "Bren here, here, HEREEEE!!"



* United Kingdom Forces' clearly-Welsh Royal Engineer/Sapper squad have...well, quite a lot of lines for attack orders against infantry where the squad leader say their targets [[WithFriendsLikeThese are not the English, but shoot anyway/pretend their targets are the English]].

to:

* United Kingdom Forces' clearly-Welsh clearly Welsh Royal Engineer/Sapper squad have...well, quite a lot of lines for attack orders against infantry where the squad leader say their targets [[WithFriendsLikeThese are not the English, but shoot anyway/pretend their targets are the English]].
--> "Think of them as bloody English! THEN SHOOT."
--> "They 're not English but shoot anyway."
** They also have other funny quotes, some of them outright snark, and others being also surprisingly deep.
--> "It's not fun when you attract a lot of fire."
--> "Horrible great clanking thing, blow it to buggery."
--> "Alright lads fall back...in good order you fucking idiots."
--> "My sister is taken with a Yank; thinks he is going to take her to America when this is all done..."
--> "You know ever since I've joined this army I've heard every joke about coal mining, sheep and choirs, and they are all bloody boring''.
*** This one is actually quite deep. The squad leader descends from a coal mining area in South Wales and is labour-oriented. Apart from coal mining jocks, he was also probably told racist anti-Welsh sheep bestiality jokes from Englishmen, [[FridgeBrilliance thus his nasty (but hilarious) comments against the English can be seen as a reaction of resentment]].
13th Sep '17 7:25:30 AM WaterBlap
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[[BaconAddiction Now I want some bacon. I love the smell of bacon. That's my favorite smell in the world. Bacon.]]\\

to:

[[BaconAddiction Now I want some bacon. I love the smell of bacon. That's my favorite smell in the world. Bacon.]]\\\\
11th Sep '17 1:51:14 PM kran96
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* Two US Engineer quotes are also chuckle-worthy:
--> Join the army, they said. [[RecruitersAlwaysLie It will be fun, they said]].
--> If a goddamn mouse farts on this minefield, [[LargeHam I WANT HIS ASS BLOWN SKY HIGH]]!

to:

* Two Three US Engineer quotes are also chuckle-worthy:
--> Join "Join the army, they said. [[RecruitersAlwaysLie It will be fun, they said]].
said]]."
--> If "If a goddamn mouse farts on this minefield, [[LargeHam I WANT HIS ASS BLOWN SKY HIGH]]!HIGH]]!"
--> '''When under attack''': "We're getting the piss pounded out of us!"



* The British are usually more serious and stiff-lipped than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, often being the [[ComicallySerious]]:

to:

* The British are usually more serious and stiff-lipped than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, often being the [[ComicallySerious]]:[[ComicallySerious Comically Serious]]:




to:

* The Hotchkiss commander occasionally complains about ending commanding this French tankette, because of its [[TheAllegedCar poor armor]]:
--> "Grandmother's wagen has more armor than this rusty can."
--> "Why do we get always stuck driving the Franzpanzer?"
** Taken [[UptoEleven Up to Eleven]] when under effective fire:
--> '''When under fire''': "Another shot!? We're still alive!?"
--> '''When critical''': "[[GratuitousGerman Commandant]]. I'm not dying in this French sardine can!"
--> '''When fleeing''': "Drive! I don't care where, just drive!"
** But he would still prefer it over serving in the infantry:
--> "She may be French, but her cannon packs more punch than your pistol."
--> "I'd rather crew the Franzpanzer, than serve in the Volksgrenadiers."
11th Sep '17 1:33:15 PM kran96
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Stefan, your boots are on backwards, [[Foreign Cuss Word Dummkopf!]]

to:

Stefan, your boots are on backwards, [[Foreign Cuss Word [[ForeignCussWord Dummkopf!]]



--> [["Join the Army," They Said Join the army, they said]]. It will be fun, they said.
--> If a goddamn mouse farts on this minefield, [[Large Ham I WANT HIS ASS BLOWN SKY HIGH]]!

to:

--> [["Join the Army," They Said Join the army, they said]]. said. [[RecruitersAlwaysLie It will be fun, they said.
said]].
--> If a goddamn mouse farts on this minefield, [[Large Ham [[LargeHam I WANT HIS ASS BLOWN SKY HIGH]]!



--> '''Grenadier''': "I swear I've been over this cow TEN FUCKING TIMES!:

to:

--> '''Grenadier''': "I swear I've been over this cow TEN FUCKING TIMES!:TIMES!



* The British are usually more serious than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, sometimes being the [[Comically Serious]]:

to:

* The British are usually more serious and stiff-lipped than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, sometimes often being the [[Comically Serious]]:[[ComicallySerious]]:



** [[Mean Brit Infantry Section sergeants]] are quite the [[Deadpan Snarker Deadpan Snarkers]], sometimes sniping poor Duffy [[Up to Eleven]].
--> (When entering a church): "Come on, let's see if [[Butt Monkey Duffy]] burts into flames."
--> Duffy, fuel, and you're [[What an Idiot smoking a cigga-fucking-rette]]!
--> Command ordered this rain just for you, Duffy.
--> (Also said in rainy weather): You're wishing for a rubber ducky, Duffy, you stupid meek?

to:

** [[Mean Brit [[MeanBrit Infantry Section sergeants]] are quite the [[Deadpan Snarker [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarkers]], sometimes sniping [[UptoEleven especially]] when chewing poor Duffy [[Up to Eleven]].
Duffy.
--> (When entering a church): "Come on, let's see if [[Butt Monkey [[ButtMonkey Duffy]] burts into flames."
--> Duffy, "Duffy, fuel, and you're [[What an Idiot [[WhatanIdiot smoking a cigga-fucking-rette]]!
cigga-fucking-rette]]!"
--> Command "Command ordered this rain just for you, Duffy.
Duffy."
--> (Also "(Also said in rainy weather): You're wishing for a rubber ducky, Duffy, you stupid meek?
meek?"
11th Sep '17 1:20:41 PM kran96
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'''Squad, on the move''': Right foot left foot you idioten! We'll try shooting next."

to:

'''Squad, on the move''': Right foot left foot you idioten! We'll try shooting next.""\\



You think you get a tip for dropping us off in combat?!
Stefan, your boots are on backwards, [[Foreign Cuss Word Dummkopf]]!

to:

You think you get a tip for dropping us off in combat?!
combat?!\\
Stefan, your boots are on backwards, [[Foreign Cuss Word Dummkopf]]!Dummkopf!]]
11th Sep '17 1:17:48 PM kran96
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DOES YOUR MAMA KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!?

to:

DOES YOUR MAMA KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!?IDIOT!?\\
In case you didn't notice, THERE'S A FUCKING WAR OUT THERE!!!



'''Squad Leader, again in combat''' Volks, for the love of God, stop embarrassing yourselves!

to:

'''Squad Leader, again in combat''' Volks, for the love of God, stop embarrassing yourselves!yourselves!\\
'''Squad, on the move''': Right foot left foot you idioten! We'll try shooting next."
'''When stopping''': Halt! ...ugh, I feel like a teacher at the Hilfschule, I swear!



Stefan, your boots are on backwards, [[Foreign Cuss Word Dummkopf]]!



* Two US Engineer quotes are also chuckle-worthy:
--> [["Join the Army," They Said Join the army, they said]]. It will be fun, they said.
--> If a goddamn mouse farts on this minefield, [[Large Ham I WANT HIS ASS BLOWN SKY HIGH]]!





to:

\n* Occasionally, as troops march through the countryside and see something (for example, a dead cow), they may comment something amusing:
--> '''Panzergrenadier, when seeing a random tractor''': "For a moment I thought I saw a French tank he he.."
--> '''Grenadier''': "I swear I've been over this cow TEN FUCKING TIMES!:
--> '''Airborne''': "Mmm... BEEF!"
* The British are usually more serious than the rest of the factions, but they can also say some funny quotes, sometimes being the [[Comically Serious]]:
--> "Ah bloody hell, which one of you bastards shit his pants?"
--> '''Sapper, when clicked too many times''': "No, I will not take my clothes off if you keep clicking."
** [[Mean Brit Infantry Section sergeants]] are quite the [[Deadpan Snarker Deadpan Snarkers]], sometimes sniping poor Duffy [[Up to Eleven]].
--> (When entering a church): "Come on, let's see if [[Butt Monkey Duffy]] burts into flames."
--> Duffy, fuel, and you're [[What an Idiot smoking a cigga-fucking-rette]]!
--> Command ordered this rain just for you, Duffy.
--> (Also said in rainy weather): You're wishing for a rubber ducky, Duffy, you stupid meek?


Added DiffLines:

** Also, the sergeant may say this gem when he orders his squad to garrison a vehicle:
-->"I do not care if you get carsick! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Get.]]. In. The. VEHICLEEEEEEE!!!"
18th Jun '17 5:49:36 PM NoNamesEver
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* The British Forces as a whole makes up for a severe lack of humor from the other factions. Filled with deadpan snark courtesy of the Infantry Sections who would make sarcastic quips to humorous small black humor banter.
-->"Fire like buggery he said, so I did. Only an officer's arse got in the way and I got one week in the glass house and Rupert's shot bollocks gets a medal"

to:

* The British Forces as a whole makes up for a severe lack of humor from the other factions. Filled with deadpan snark courtesy of the Infantry Sections who would make sarcastic quips to humorous small black humor banter.
banter. The Announcer also counts as he would deliver the announcements in the most pompous matter,
-->"Fire like buggery he said, so I did. Only an officer's arse got in the way and I got one week in the glass house and Rupert's shot bollocks gets a medal"medal"
-->My god, a tank's been lost.
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