History Funny / BarneyMiller

1st Jan '17 7:47:55 PM eowynjedi
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** Barney calls Wojo to his office and reads him the riot act for recklessly endangering himself and a fellow officer. Wojo just wails "I ain't ever gonna have a kid to yell at!"

to:

** Barney calls Wojo to his office and reads him the riot act for recklessly endangering himself and a fellow officer. Wojo just wails "I ain't ever gonna have a kid to yell at!"at!"
* In "The Rainmaker," an official from the Water Department is called in to answer for the rainmaker he hired and proceeds to unleash a HurricaneOfPuns that he seems ''completely unaware of.''
-->"...you have to understand, captain, that this drought situation has put the entire water department under a great deal of pressure... I go home at night, and I am completely drained. [A rainmaker] was spouting off about how he could make it rain... if it ever leaks to the press that some drip from the water department hired a rainmaker at the taxpayers' expense... This is coming out of my own pocket. After this, I am tapped out."
2nd Jun '16 9:50:44 PM eowynjedi
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-->'''Dietrich:''' Captain, I got a make on Swanson, he's got an office over at... ''[sees the contraption on the desk]'' Where the hell'd you get the atomic bomb?

to:

-->'''Dietrich:''' Captain, I got a make on Swanson, he's got an office over at... ''[sees the contraption on the desk]'' Where the hell'd you get the atomic bomb?bomb?
* "Paternity"
** After Wojo learns he's sterile, he goes [[CompensatingForSomething completely berserk]] on the next call. Dietrich reports this by laconically saying "...then the Wojo Express rolls in."
** Barney calls Wojo to his office and reads him the riot act for recklessly endangering himself and a fellow officer. Wojo just wails "I ain't ever gonna have a kid to yell at!"
24th Apr '16 11:45:39 AM mlsmithca
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-->'''Dietrich:''' Captain, I got a make on Swanson, he's got an office over at... ''[sees the contraption on the desk]'' Where the hell d'you get the atomic bomb?

to:

-->'''Dietrich:''' Captain, I got a make on Swanson, he's got an office over at... ''[sees the contraption on the desk]'' Where the hell d'you hell'd you get the atomic bomb?
22nd Apr '16 12:03:49 PM mlsmithca
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--> "Mr. Revelli? Will you hold a minute? I gotta find a pencil. [uses the pencil as a replacement chopstick for his lunch] Okay go ahead."
** And then after he's hung up: "Oh my god, I ate my eraser."

to:

--> "Mr.-->'''Nick:''' Mr. Revelli? Will you hold a minute? I gotta find a pencil. [uses ''[uses the pencil as a replacement chopstick for his lunch] lunch]'' Okay go ahead."
** And then
\\
''[later,
after he's Nick has hung up: "Oh up]''\\
'''Nick:''' ''[looks at his pencil]'' Oh
my god, I ate my eraser."



''[[[TheDandy Harris]] turns around and comes back in.]''

to:

''[[[TheDandy Harris]] turns around and comes back in.]'']''
* In "Atomic Bomb", Nick and Wojo bring in a physics graduate student who claims that the project he is building for his master's degree thesis is a functional atomic bomb that simply lacks a power source. Sgt. Kavanaugh, a 22-year veteran of the bomb squad, is convinced it is actually a stereo or ham radio, and starts to convince Barney of this as well. Then Dietrich walks in...
-->'''Dietrich:''' Captain, I got a make on Swanson, he's got an office over at... ''[sees the contraption on the desk]'' Where the hell d'you get the atomic bomb?
27th Jan '15 7:29:12 AM eowynjedi
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''[{{Beat}}]''

to:

''[{{Beat}}]''''[{{Beat}}]''\\
27th Jan '15 7:28:54 AM eowynjedi
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* Fish {{Troll}}s a JerkAss landlord who started by saying "hey you, old guy!" and ranting about what a rush he was in to evict an elderly tenant. Fish starts to type out the complaint form ''really slowly'', making the guy fume even more. His riposte is classic:
--> '''Fish:''' Sorry, but I'm ''old''.



* A man involved in dog fights is brought in, but his dog, suspected of being rabid, escapes. While the man is in holding, the detectives get a call to go out and leave Yemana behind to watch the office. Then, the dog shows up and growls at him. Yemana gets up slowly and makes his way to the cell while talking down the dog. When he gets to the cell, he unlocks it and opens the door, then jumps inside and locks it.

to:

* A man involved in dog fights is brought in, but his dog, suspected of being rabid, escapes. While the man is in holding, the detectives get a call to go out and leave Yemana behind to watch the office. Then, the dog shows up and growls at him. Yemana gets up slowly and makes his way to the cell while talking down the dog. When he gets to the cell, he unlocks it and opens the door, then jumps inside and locks it.it.
* Trying to get a witness to admit that he ''was'' a witness to a gang-related multiple killing in his restaurant, Harris and Dietrich have to spend weeks shut up in a hotel with him, getting progressively more unkempt and aggravated. Harris yells ScrewThisImOuttaHere and walks out... but not for long.
-->'''Dietrich:''' Dressed like ''that?''\\
''[[[TheDandy Harris]] turns around and comes back in.]''
27th Jan '15 7:21:37 AM eowynjedi
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Added DiffLines:

* The bombastic District Attorney arguing and berating stage-shy Wojo about his need to be credible in front of the jury:
--> '''Wojo:''' I GOTTA GO TO THE CAN! ''[slams door in the DA's face]''\\
''[{{Beat}}]''
'''District Attorney:''' ''Good!'' I believe you!
22nd Jan '15 7:25:49 AM eowynjedi
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Added DiffLines:

* The reaction when the owner of a Hindu restaurant walks in, looking less like a Bodhisattva than a certain other religious figure known for [[LooksLikeJesus his long brown hair and beard and flowing white clothes...]]
-->'''Bookie:''' I'll give you seventy-five to one it ain't!\\
''[later, when Bodhisattva talks to the detectives]''\\
'''Bodhisattva:''' I was sent here.\\
'''Fish:''' ''[apprehensively]'' ...For anyone in particular?
29th Sep '14 7:12:31 PM mlsmithca
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'''Wentworth:'''' [opens her purse and [[{{Angrish}} screams unintelligibly into it]] ]

to:

'''Wentworth:'''' [opens '''Wentworth:''' ''[opens her purse and [[{{Angrish}} screams unintelligibly into it]] ]it]]]''



'''Husband:''' [suggestive look.] God knows what you've done to ''yourself.''

to:

'''Husband:''' [suggestive look.] ''[suggestive look]'' God knows what you've done to ''yourself.''
29th Sep '14 7:08:09 PM eowynjedi
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* After learning she's nabbed "Lenny the Confessor" rather than the actual thief, Wentworth angrily grills him about what he stole (which he naturally can't answer).

to:

* After learning she's nabbed "Lenny the Confessor" rather than the actual thief, Wentworth angrily grills him about what he stole (which he naturally can't answer).
-->'''Wentworth:''' You know what you are?! You're a--\\
'''Barney:''' Wentworth!\\
'''Wentworth:'''' [opens her purse and [[{{Angrish}} screams unintelligibly into it]] ]
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.BarneyMiller