History Funny / AssassinsCreedI

4th Oct '17 10:59:38 AM Emperor_Oshron
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* If you go free-running around Masyaf, you'll hear people comment on this, several of them snarky. A particularly good gem is "He's going to hurt himself. When he does, I won't help him."
3rd Mar '17 11:02:24 AM ChaoticNovelist
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* Desmond has one while talking with Lucy.
--->'''Desmond:''' Man, put yourself in my shoes. I'm being held hostage by a group of scientists--at least I think you're scientists--and forced to spend all day in some crazy-ass machine. You won't tell me what you're lookin' for or why you want it, but I'm supposed to be thanking you for keeping me alive. This is so ''fucked!'' ''(Lucy gives him a look)'' Sorry, but it is!



* It is common to find Assassin Informers that want Altaïr to collect flags. This FetchQuest typically has some justification like it's a test from Al Mualim or that they were stolen enroute to the Bureau, then one in Acre's rich district disregards this. Just because he dislikes Altaï, he's going to make him jump around the city for the intel. He's frank about this and positively giddy too.

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* It is common to find Assassin Informers that want Altaïr to collect flags. This FetchQuest typically has some justification like it's a test from Al Mualim or that they were stolen enroute to the Bureau, then one in Acre's rich district disregards this. Just because he dislikes Altaï, Altaïr, he's going to make him jump around the city for the intel. He's frank about this and positively giddy too.



* When Desmond asks Lucy about the Templars:
-->'''Desmond:''' I thought the Templars were some old guys in [[BrotherhoodOfFunnyHats funny looking hats]] who sat around drinking beer planning world domination with [[Creator/DavidIcke lizard people]].
* Sibrand gets one during one of the Eavesdropping missions. He catches two of his guards talking to each other, and demands to know if they're plotting against him. When they deny this, he roars at them:
-->'''Sibrand:''' Damned Assassins... they're probably here right now, watching us! [yells into the crowd] [[VillainousBreakdown Do you find this amusing?]] ''[[VillainousBreakdown Do you?!]]''
** [[ProperlyParanoid Please note that Altaïr is sitting less than ten feet away, and is indeed listening in.]]



* Sibrand gets one during one of the Eavesdropping missions. He catches two of his guards talking to each other, and demands to know if they're plotting against him. When they deny this, he roars at them:
-->'''Sibrand:''' Damned Assassins... they're probably here right now, watching us! [yells into the crowd] [[VillainousBreakdown Do you find this amusing?]] ''[[VillainousBreakdown Do you?!]]''
** [[ProperlyParanoid Please note that Altaïr is sitting less than ten feet away, and is indeed listening in.]]
* When Desmond asks Lucy about the Templars:
-->'''Desmond:''' I thought the Templars were some old guys in [[BrotherhoodOfFunnyHats funny looking hats]] who sat around drinking beer planning world domination with [[Creator/DavidIcke lizard people]].

to:

* Sibrand gets one during one One of the Eavesdropping missions. He catches two of informants in Jerusalem got spotted by his guards Templar prey when he was shadowing them and twisted his ankle when he escaped them. His biggest worry when talking to each other, and demands to know if they're plotting against him. When they deny this, he roars at them:
-->'''Sibrand:''' Damned Assassins... they're probably here right now, watching us! [yells into the crowd] [[VillainousBreakdown Do you find this amusing?]] ''[[VillainousBreakdown Do you?!]]''
** [[ProperlyParanoid Please note that
Altaïr is sitting less than ten feet away, and not that they saw his face or anything. No, what he's afraid of is indeed listening in.]]
* When Desmond asks Lucy about the Templars:
-->'''Desmond:'''
Altaïr might tell Malik.
-->'''Informant''': I'm pathetic,
I thought the Templars were some old guys in [[BrotherhoodOfFunnyHats funny looking hats]] who sat around drinking beer planning world domination with [[Creator/DavidIcke lizard people]].know. Please don't tell Malik.



* One of the informants in Jerusalem got spotted by his Templar prey when he was shadowing them and twisted his ankle when he escaped them. His biggest worry when talking to you is not that they saw his face or anything. No, what he's afraid of is that you might tell Malik.
-->'''Informant''': I'm pathetic, I know. Please don't tell Malik.
* Desmond has another one while talking with Lucy.
--->'''Desmond:''' Man, put yourself in my shoes. I'm being held hostage by a group of scientists--at least I think you're scientists--and forced to spend all day in some crazy-ass machine. You won't tell me what you're lookin' for or why you want it, but I'm supposed to be thanking you for keeping me alive. This is so ''fucked!'' ''(Lucy gives him a look)'' Sorry, but it is!
28th Feb '17 4:33:22 PM Emperor_Oshron
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* Desmond has another one while talking with Lucy.
--->'''Desmond:''' Man, put yourself in my shoes. I'm being held hostage by a group of scientists--at least I think you're scientists--and forced to spend all day in some crazy-ass machine. You won't tell me what you're lookin' for or why you want it, but I'm supposed to be thanking you for keeping me alive. This is so ''fucked!'' ''(Lucy gives him a look)'' Sorry, but it is!
14th Feb '17 11:40:47 AM ChaoticNovelist
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* The first official Leap of Faith. Altaïr and the fellow next to him (Rauf) perform the feat perfectly and effortlessly. The chap on the far left breaks his leg and starts screaming.
-->'''Assassin:''' Ahhh! Ohhhh! Oh my leg! Aah! Oh my leg!
-->'''Rauf:''' Quiet... or the Templars will hear us!
* Lingering in the Assassin's hideout on the first mission in Jerusalem makes Malik very snarky.
-->'''Malik''': Thinking of another great plan, Altaïr? Like the one back at Solomon's Temple?
-->'''Malik''': A wise approach, Altaïr. If you stay here, Talal will just die of old age.
* This NPC Dialog in Acre (a pickpocket target in the rich district), with the sheer disdain in the last line really selling it:
-->'''Civilian 1:''' Well, the Bible does say, “God helps those who help themselves.”
-->'''Civilian 2:''' Nah, it doesn’t actually. That’s from one of Aesop’s Fables. The Bible says quite the opposite, in fact. Many passages about being patient and faithful, and waiting for the Lord to decide if he wishes to assist.
-->'''Civilian 1:''' Well, I say we’ve waited long enough. [In other words, "Whatever"]
* It is common to find Assassin Informers that want Altaïr to collect flags. This FetchQuest typically has some justification like it's a test from Al Mualim or that they were stolen enroute to the Bureau, then one in Acre's rich district disregards this. Just because he dislikes Altaï, he's going to make him jump around the city for the intel. He's frank about this and positively giddy too.
* Between Altaïr and the Rafiq in Damascus.
-->'''Rafiq:''' Altaïr, my friend, welcome, welcome! Whose life do you come to collect today?
-->'''Altaïr:''' His name is Abu'l Nuquod. What can you tell me about him?
-->'''Rafiq:''' Oh, the Merchant King of Damas, richest man in the city! Quite exciting, quite dangerous! I envy you, Altaïr! Well, not the part where you were beaten and stripped of your rank, but I envy everything else! Oh, and except for the terrible things the other Assassins say about you, but yes, aside from the failure and the hatred, yes, aside from those things, I envy you very much!
** Even funnier when you realize the rafiq's voice actor went on to voice Leonardo da Vinci in the sequel.



* Between Altaïr and the Rafiq in Damascus.
-->'''Rafiq:''' Altaïr, my friend, welcome, welcome! Whose life do you come to collect today?
-->'''Altaïr:''' His name is Abu'l Nuquod. What can you tell me about him?
-->'''Rafiq:''' Oh, the Merchant King of Damas, richest man in the city! Quite exciting, quite dangerous! I envy you, Altaïr! Well, not the part where you were beaten and stripped of your rank, but I envy everything else! Oh, and except for the terrible things the other Assassins say about you, but yes, aside from the failure and the hatred, yes, aside from those things, I envy you very much!
** Even funnier when you realize the rafiq's voice actor went on to voice Leonardo da Vinci in the sequel.



* The first official Leap of Faith. Altaïr and the fellow next to him (Rauf) perform the feat perfectly and effortlessly. The chap on the far left breaks his leg and starts screaming.
-->'''Assassin:''' Ahhh! Ohhhh! Oh my leg! Aah! Oh my leg!
-->'''Rauf:''' Quiet... or the Templars will hear us!
* Lingering in the Assassin's hideout on the first mission in Jerusalem makes Malik very snarky.
-->'''Malik''': Thinking of another great plan, Altaïr? Like the one back at Solomon's Temple?
-->'''Malik''': A wise approach, Altaïr. If you stay here, Talal will just die of old age.
* This NPC Dialog in Acre, with the sheer disdain in the last line really selling it:
-->'''Civilian 1:''' Well, the Bible does say, “God helps those who help themselves.”
-->'''Civilian 2:''' Nah, it doesn’t actually. That’s from one of Aesop’s Fables. The Bible says quite the opposite, in fact. Many passages about being patient and faithful, and waiting for the Lord to decide if he wishes to assist.
-->'''Civilian 1:''' Well, I say we’ve waited long enough. [In other words, "Whatever"]
28th Jan '17 9:17:37 PM ChaoticNovelist
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* When Altair first arrives at the Assassin Bureau in Damascus, he haughtily demands information about his mark. When asked if he's forgotten how to collect intel on his own, Altair states, "such tasks are better left to......". You can tell he's about to say "novice/low ranking members/grunts", which he happens to be thanks to his screw up at Solomon's Temple.

to:

* When Altair Altaïr first arrives at the Assassin Bureau in Damascus, he haughtily demands information about his mark. When asked if he's forgotten how to collect intel on his own, Altair Altaïr states, "such tasks are better left to......". You can tell he's about to say "novice/low ranking members/grunts", which he happens to be thanks to his screw up at Solomon's Temple.
28th Jan '17 9:15:20 PM ChaoticNovelist
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*When Altair first arrives at the Assassin Bureau in Damascus, he haughtily demands information about his mark. When asked if he's forgotten how to collect intel on his own, Altair states, "such tasks are better left to......". You can tell he's about to say "novice/low ranking members/grunts", which he happens to be thanks to his screw up at Solomon's Temple.
22nd Oct '16 7:05:46 PM TheGracefullyWicked
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* One of the informants in Jerusalem got spotted by his Templar prey when he was shadowing them and twisted his ankle when he escaped them. His biggest worry when talking to you is not that they saw his face or anything. No, what he's afraid of is that you might tell Malik.
-->'''Informant''': I'm pathetic, I know. Please don't tell Malik.
26th Jul '15 2:39:16 PM DoppleDelta
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** Even funnier when you realize the voice actor went on to voice Leonardo da Vinci in the sequel

to:

** Even funnier when you realize the rafiq's voice actor went on to voice Leonardo da Vinci in the sequelsequel.
26th Jul '15 2:38:50 PM DoppleDelta
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** Even funnier when you realize the voice actor went on to voice Leonardo da Vinci in the sequel
20th Dec '14 7:31:16 PM TVRulezAgain
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-->'''Desmond:''' I thought the Templars were some old guys in [[BrotherhoodOfFunnyHats funny looking hats]] who sat around drinking beer planning world domination with [[DavidIcke lizard people]].

to:

-->'''Desmond:''' I thought the Templars were some old guys in [[BrotherhoodOfFunnyHats funny looking hats]] who sat around drinking beer planning world domination with [[DavidIcke [[Creator/DavidIcke lizard people]].
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