History Fanfic / HaloCombatDeformed

* ADateWithRosiePalms: A stealth Elite hiding in [[spoiler:Captain Keyes']] lifepod.
** [[SergeantRock Sergeant]] [[DoubleEntendre Johnson]], [[spoiler:with a charged plasma pistol,]] and later, in [[spoiler:Foehammer's]] bunk.

Picture the ''Franchise/{{Halo}}'' universe. Now add an [[BunnyEarsLawyer absentminded]], [[CloudCuckooLander mentally unstable]] protagonist with [[AxCrazy violent impulses]] and a penchant for [[VerbalTic silly exclamations]], a beautiful-but-frustrated [[ArtificialIntelligence AI]], a black [[SpaceMarine Marine]] who [[ChewBubblegum listens to metal]] [[Film/TheyLive and kicks ass]] and brags about his [[BiggerIsBetterInBed size]], a [[ScaryDogmaticAliens religious coalition of alien races]] hell-bent on activating the Halos (and [[DeathBySex raping humanity into extinction]] along the way), and a legion of [[EldritchAbomination horrific]] [[ZombieApocalypse zombifying]] [[FaceFullOfAlienWingWong sex parasites]]. The result?

--> -- The '''[[TheProtagonist Master Chief]]''', [[{{Beat}} right before]] [[FrickinLaserBeams something]] [[MoreDakka bad]] [[ZergRush happens]] [[StuffBlowingUp to]] [[IronButtMonkey him]] [[OhNoNotAgain yet again]]

Authored by [[Tropers/StAraqiel St. Araqiel]] with the help of his younger brother, this fic parodies the first game in a rather [[FreudWasRight perverted]] manner (he freely [[AtLeastIAdmitIt admits]] he wrote as such because it was [[SexSells the first thing he thought of]]). A sequel (''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3105094/1/Halo_2_Idiots Halo 2 Idiots]]'') has been published as well, but as of July 2008, it is effectively [[DeadFic dead]], owing to AttentionDeficitCreatorDisorder.

Picture the ''Franchise/{{Halo}}'' universe. Now add an [[BunnyEarsLawyer absentminded]], [[CloudCuckooLander mentally unstable]] protagonist with [[AxCrazy violent impulses]] and a penchant for [[VerbalTic silly exclamations]], a beautiful-but-frustrated [[ArtificialIntelligence AI]], a black [[SpaceMarine Marine]] who [[ChewBubblegum listens to metal]] [[TheyLive and kicks ass]] and brags about his [[BiggerIsBetterInBed size]], a [[ScaryDogmaticAliens religious coalition of alien races]] hell-bent on activating the Halos (and [[DeathBySex raping humanity into extinction]] along the way), and a legion of [[EldritchAbomination horrific]] [[ZombieApocalypse zombifying]] [[FaceFullOfAlienWingWong sex parasites]]. The result?

Picture the ''{{Halo}}'' universe. Now add an [[BunnyEarsLawyer absentminded]], [[CloudCuckooLander mentally unstable]] protagonist with [[AxCrazy violent impulses]] and a penchant for [[VerbalTic silly exclamations]], a beautiful-but-frustrated [[ArtificialIntelligence AI]], a black [[SpaceMarine Marine]] who [[ChewBubblegum listens to metal]] [[TheyLive and kicks ass]] and brags about his [[BiggerIsBetterInBed size]], a [[ScaryDogmaticAliens religious coalition of alien races]] hell-bent on activating the Halos (and [[DeathBySex raping humanity into extinction]] along the way), and a legion of [[EldritchAbomination horrific]] [[ZombieApocalypse zombifying]] [[FaceFullOfAlienWingWong sex parasites]]. The result?

* BadassBoast: Johnson gets two, just like in [[{{Halo}} the games]] (which also count as [[RousingSpeech Rousing Speeches]]). Tartarus and Rtas [[PunnyName 'Sadumee]] each have one in the second fic.

* [[spoiler: TheCameo: [[Music/AmericanIdol Sanjaya Malakar]] in Chapter 9, Music/BreakingBenjamin in Chapter 12.]]

* [[spoiler: CelebrityCameo: [[AmericanIdol Sanjaya Malakar]] in Chapter 9, Music/BreakingBenjamin in Chapter 12.]]

* EldritchAbomination: The Orgy. Oh God, ''the Orgy!''

--> '''Johnson:''' Am I right, Marines?
--> '''Marines:''' SIR, YES, SIR!

* EldritchAbomination: [[spoiler:The Orgy.]] Oh God, [[spoiler:''the Orgy!'']]
* {{Expy}}: The Master Chief, of [[Machinima/RedVsBlue Sarge and Caboose]].

* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: To the surprise of Cortana, [[ScaryBlackMan Johnson]] is able to kill the Master Chief with nothing but his belt. Luckily, the Chief [[UnexplainedRecovery respawns a few seconds later.]]

* ScaryBlackMan: Sergeant Johnson, at times.

* BlackComedyRape: ''Every'' occurrence of rape is treated this way, in [[DeadBabyComedy varying degrees]]. One that particularly stands out is [[spoiler:Captain Keyes]] on [[spoiler:Sergeant Johnson]].

* FlatWhat: The Chief's reaction to [[spoiler:Guilty Spark]]'s presence aboard the ''Pillar of Autumn''.

* ShotgunsAreJustBetter: The Master Chief swaps his sidearm for a shotgun he finds in the swamp. [[spoiler:It turns out to be a good idea.]]

* TooDumbToLive: Captain Keyes. And [[spoiler:he doesn't.]]

* AttemptedRape: The Covenant [[spoiler:at the Orgy]] are guilty of this. Sometimes they [[AFateWorseThanDeath succeed]].

* MilitarySalute: In the first fic, Johnson returns a lower-ranked Marine's salute in an unusual [[StrangeSalute way]]. In the second, he and the Chief salute Admiral Sir Hood. [[spoiler:[[ItMakesSenseInContext Johnson's unbelted pants fall down in the process]], much to Lord Hood's disgust.]]

* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[SergeantRock Sergeant]] [[DoubleEntendre Johnson]], [[spoiler: with a charged plasma pistol,]] and later, in [[spoiler:Foehammer's]] bunk.
** And before that, a stealth Elite hiding in [[spoiler:Captain Keyes']] lifepod.

* FlatWhat: The Chief's reaction to [[spoiler:Guilty Spark's]] presence aboard the ''Pillar of Autumn''.

* TooDumbToLive: Captain Keyes. And [[spoiler:[[{{Canon}} he]] [[ForegoneConclusion doesn't.]]]]

* BerserkButton: Bringing the Chief out of cryo-sleep, killing his allies, [[ItMakesSenseInContext not saying "Everybody Smiles At Kittens" instead of "United Nations Space Command"]]...there's too many to name. [[FromBadToWorse And the worst part is]], whether or not these triggers are successfully pushed ''[[LoudGulp is essentially random]]''.
** Sergeant Johnson doesn't like people disrespecting his manhood.
** Nor does Tartarus take kindly to being called "limp-dicked."
** Don't question the Prophet of Truth. It makes him mad.

* BerserkButton: Bringing the Chief out of cryo-sleep, killing his allies, [[ItMakesSenseInContext not saying "Everybody Smiles At Kittens" instead of "United Nations Space Command"]]...there's too many to name. [[ItGotWorse And the worst part is]], whether or not these triggers are successfully pushed ''[[LoudGulp is essentially random]]''.

* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: To the surprise of Cortana, [[ScaryBlackMan Johnson]] is able to kill the Master Chief with nothing but his belt. Luckily, the Chief [[IGotBetter respawns a few seconds later.]]

* TooDumbToLive: Captain Keyes. And [[spoiler:[[ForegoneConclusion he doesn't.]]]]

* AssShove: What tends to happen to Elites with energy swords when they run into the Master Chief.

** While fleeing the [[exploding]] ''Pillar of Autumn'' in a Warthog, the Chief casually mentions that their surroundings look "a lot like a video game level."

** When a similar thing happens in the sequel, Cortana even refers to it as "respawning."

* UnreliableNarrator: There is an instance when the reader finds the omniscient narrator of the story can see what everyone is doing and thinking, but can't see outside of the ring world of Halo.
** "The Chief experienced a type of vertigo so extreme, it was like doing a backflip on bars atop [[ShapedLikeItself the tallest building on Earth, whichever one it was during the year 2552."]]