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back to: DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale / Other

12th Mar '13 7:24:33 PM Nohbody

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No Real Life Examples Please as per "Real Life section maintenance" thread in Long Term Projects forum. Redirected because the 79 inbounds for this page means it's not fit for cutlisting

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* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF6xNzMxUYY This YouTube video]] shows how this trope is used in both TV and movies along with AllAbusersAreMale and discusses how they affect people’s perception of them in the real world.
* Very common in RealLife. Men who are victims of domestic abuse often find getting help extremely hard because the police and social services tend to follow this trope. In some places there have even been laws that say that in '''''all''''' cases of a domestic abuse call, the man is arrested even if ''he'' was the one who called for help. Abuse to men goes unreported far more often because men are less willing to ask for help, and the instances of abuse tend to be more dangerous because women more often use a weapon in the attack.
** As Kevin Hart put it, a man could call the police because his girlfriend/wife is physically attacking him and get arrested if "he grasped at her as he fell."
** There was an advice column letter in ''The Toronto Star'' a few years ago on this very subject. A male abuse victim wrote in saying that his wife would often punch him during arguments, and that he didn't know what to do. He also mentioned he had several male friends who suffered abuse from their wives or girlfriends as well, including one who was ''put in the hospital as a result''. None of them seem to have even considered going to the police, or ''leaving''. And the letter really, ''really'' heavily emphasized that the man would never hit his wife -- he repeated this point so many times, the letter almost sounded like ''he'' was the one apologizing for something. So, the (female) columnist's advice? "Remember that your wife might be under a lot of pressure at work, ''avoid assigning blame'', and consider couples therapy."
** A small newspaper in Colorado had several advice columns regarding this trope and verbal abuse. A 17 year old male wrote about concerns his mother was becoming quite violent, especially since she would ''constantly'' get very angry at him and verbally abuse him for even the smallest screw-ups, such as bringing home a C- grade, dropping something, accidentally hitting a nail in the road, etc. Not only would she constantly criticize him, but she'd also do the same for her husband and the writer's brother. The female advice columnist advised the boy to listen to her a little more, since she only wants the best for him, and acknowledge that she's probably under a lot of pressure and stress as a mother of two teenagers. A later letter, written by a mother of two, complained of her husband doing nearly the ''exact same thing''. This time, the advice columnist said, "That sort of behaviour is really ''not okay''. Verbal abuse can hurt just as much as physical abuse!".
** Advice columnists are improving on this, slightly. Numerous advice letters written by men describing abusive behavior from their wives and girlfriends are now often labeled as abuse. However, counselors don't always advise the man to end the relationship (whereas they would always tell a woman to do so) and if they do, they don't mention anything like calling a domestic violence hotline, seeking shelter, and filing a restraining order (again, advice they would always give to a woman).
** A recent letter to Dear Abby was from a woman who was horrified to realize that ''she'' was an abuser, but determined to get help and redeem herself. Abby responds by lavishing praise on the woman for her insight and for her decision to get help, and assures her that with sufficient counseling, she should be able to function normally in a relationship. Would she have heaped such praise on a man who achieved similar insight? The fact that the woman recognized the pattern of behavior ''is'' encouraging, so perhaps Abby would have been as supportive of a male abuser. That said, it could definitely go either way.
* Nobody seemed to suspect Dave Pelzer's mother of child abuse for ''quite awhile'', frequently blaming Dave Pelzer's injuries on nobody but himself. Amusingly, when his brother Richie became the scapegoat, nobody also seemed to step in or even notice anything was up.
* LA socialite Betty Broderick's husband dumped her for a younger woman after nearly 20 years of marriage. She spent the next several years stalking, harassing, and terrorizing them before finally breaking into their home in the middle of the night and fatally shooting them as they lay in bed. In the ensuing trial, her lawyers portrayed BETTY as the victim, implying that her crime was one of self-defense and that she had simply snapped after years of emotional abuse. It seems the jury didn't buy it, though, since she got 32 years to life, and her parole committee is apparently [[GenreSavvy aware of this trope]].
* Kate Gosselin. She did some pretty terrible things to John, among them keeping him from going to his own mother's funeral. What was really annoying, even frightening, about the show was how many people (in blogs, message boards, reviews, etc.) whitewashed Kate's manipulation as just being a 'little bit stressed.' John wasn't exactly an angel either, but their justifying comments probably have an unpleasant real-world effect on people who might also be involved with an emotionally abusive person.
* In one of the many pointless late night shows in the UK displaying CCTV recordings from various suburban areas multiple {{Double Standard}}s were presented one after another during one clip. The scene showed a dispute between a couple which had turned violent, the girlfriend of the pair repeatedly hitting, punching, and attacking the boyfriend for well over a minute while he blocked her attacks. The only response he gave was repeated requests for her to stop until he finally took action, grabbed one punch and pinned her against a wall. Only to be body slammed and set upon by several people who had been watching while this took place, but did nothing while the girlfriend was attempting to beat him senseless. They then pushed him to the ground and began a literal NoHoldsBarredBeatdown. Eventually after several minutes he was allowed to limp away with the narrator informing the audience that he was sentenced to several months for his 'assault' and made a snarky comment about treating women better. Also contains some interesting MoralDissonance since the bystanders "protected" a "defenseless" girl... by beating the crap out of her victim using their numerical superiority.
* This {{trope}} seems prevalent because the common belief is that men are stronger than women. On average this is true (the difference isn't much though [[hottip:* :about 40-50% in upper body strength and 20-30% in lower body strength, according to [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_humans#Strength.2C_power_and_muscle_mass the other wiki]]), but many people, including far too many women, assume that it means that they can't cause significant damage, or even pain to men no matter what they do. Cue punches and kicks that can break bones. This often happens ''even if the victim is a lot younger or a lot older'' than the harasser. Or if the victim is physically disabled. It seems people who support this {{trope}}'s ideology don't understand that it really doesn't take a lot of strength to harm somebody, especially if the abuser is using some sort of weapon, which can make all the difference in the world - even martial artists can be caught off-guard by someone with a weapon. Women also tend to go for the weak spots of the body, such as the eyes. It doesn't matter much ''how'' weak she is, the important part is that if she can make it past the other person's guard, [[EyeScream it will be bad]]. A serious catfight is rather brutal.
** And ''shoes''. Do you have any idea how painful they can get? There was a good reason there was a country song about a woman's rampage with a lyric saying, "Call the boys at Neiman Marcus and tell them to lock up the high heel shoes". This also isn't including Stilettos. Just to show how dangerous shoes can be in a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVKrzUtjmG4 woman's hands]]. Women are also [[http://www.bris.ac.uk/sps/news/2009/32.html more likely to use weapons]] either when attacking another person or in self defense.
** This, in turn, may stem from people's tendency [[HollywoodHomely to mentally equate "woman" with "attractive woman"]], the latter of which aren't exactly known for toughness (as opposed to, say, [[BrawnHilda a 7-foot-tall, musclebound truck driver]]. Plus people tend to assume women are housewives or are in "women's jobs": several abuse cases come from couples in which the woman is in the military or law enforcement and the husband is a civilian.
* Lorena Bobbit. Horrific mutilator, hero of [[StrawFeminist misandrists everywhere]], source of jokes for a good decade afterward. Yes, he was a serious ass, but, dude...
* In July 2011, [[http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/07/12/woman-allegedly-cuts-off-husbands-penis-puts-it-in-garbage-disposal/ this woman]] threw her husband's [[GroinAttack penis]] in the '''garbage disposal''' and gets PlayedForLaughs on SharonOsbourne's ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKgwczruOSQ The Talk]]''.
* [[http://www.salon.com/2010/11/24/women_more_violent/ This]] piece of sh...[[LastSecondWordSwap oddy]] journalism from Salon.com. Thankfully, averted [[http://edition.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/11/18/teen.mom.charged/index.html by CNN in its coverage of the same story]]. It's also rather refreshing to see that the story was simply reported, no editorializing at all or any comments at all about the genders of the two people.
* In 2002, Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley filed for divorce from his wife Tawny Kitaen and charged her with domestic abuse after she beat him with a stiletto heel. When he started a game in Chicago not long after the incident, the stadium's musical director mocked him by playing Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" as he warmed up. (Kitaen rose to fame as a direct result of her appearance in the song's video.) Finley was not amused. The man was eventually fired, and the White Sox apologized to Finley.
* [[http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhPCzvfxijwdKbY7JL This]] case. A group of fourteen-year-old girls ganged up on and held down a terrified eleven-year-old boy and forcefully undressed him on camera. The police described it as a "prank" and said they weren't sure a crime had even been committed; the mother even said that had the genders been reversed there wouldn't have been any hesitation.
* This trope in general is part of the reason that more than a few people are saying that teaching your sons to ''never'' hit a woman is a bad idea. There are multiple studies showing that women are just as likely (if not moreso) to be violent in a relationship. They also realize that female-on-male violence can actually be worse since 1) a man is less likely to fight back or report it, partially because of this trope, and 2) since women realize they're outmatched strength-wise, they're more likely to use weapons. They think that it should be changed to "don't be abusive, but don't be a punching bag either. if your girlfriend is drunk, angry and coming at you with a baseball bat, don't feel guilty if you give her a hearty shove to get to safety." [[http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/155944/why_you_should_not_teach_your_son_never.html?cat=25 This article]] (from a woman) sums up the argument pretty well.
* The WifeBasherBasher trope, when a man/woman goes and beats up some random guy (and it's almost always a guy) for beating up some random girl, and it is seen as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome or some other positive thing, even when they beat up the guy much worse than he may have hurt her (or in some cases, go so far as to kill him). And in most of these cases, the WBB never bother to do proper research/simply call the police/listen to the man's side of the story, and it rarely ever comes back to bite them in the ass (in fiction), because AllAbusersAreMale, so the WBB ends up being right anyway. But that still comes back to the whole "DisproportionateRetribution does not apply to [=WBBs=]". One look at just the page image will tell you that.
* Apparently the Spanish legal system believes in this trope, because a woman who beats her husband gets ''half'' the jail time of a man who beats his wife.
* This [[http://www.avoiceformen.com/mens-rights/the-state-of-play-for-men-domestic-violence/ article]] sums this trope up pretty well.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6KFWiidiJo This video]]. A bus driver in Cleveland, Ohio, ''uppercuts'' a rowdy 25 year old female after she hits him and spits on him. They ''both'' get arrested and charged. While some people side with the bus driver, saying that the woman deserved the uppercut, since she endangered the lives of the other passengers on the bus, others think otherwise.
-->'''Bystander:''' [[DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale That's a fuckin' female!]]
-->'''Busdriver:''' [[WouldHitAGirl I don't care! She wanna be a man, I'ma treat her like a man!]]
** The bus driver has lost his job and the transit authority has apologized to the woman. One wonders what would have happened had the passenger been male. Or even better, had the passenger been male and the driver female.
* [[http://rt.com/news/hairdresser-turns-robber-into-sex-slave/?fullstory A horrifying example occurred in Russia]] a few years back. A man tried to rob a female hairdresser who knocked him unconscious and tied him up in a utility room. She then proceeded to ''turn him into her personal sex slave,'' raping him for '''three days straight''' and force feeding him Viagra. When questioned by police, she nonchalantly stated that it wasn't a big deal because she had bought him new jeans and gave him money. Disturbingly, most people seem to treat this case as a joke, saying how "lucky" the man was or how he got what he deserved. The woman has received barely any criticism whatsoever. Yes, trying to rob a store is bad, but so is ''tying somebody up and raping them for three days straight!'' Makes you wonder how people would react if the genders were reversed.
** The Russian police, for one, hasn't treated this as a joke. Both the man and the woman are facing prison time with the woman possibly charged with rape.

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12th Mar '13 7:20:16 PM Nohbody

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TV examples I missed

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* Horribly done in an [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2HhTFQMOEU Indian game show]], where the female host curses at a contestant and slaps him (not according to script), and when he slaps back, the ''entire set'' gangs up on him and beats him to the ground. It turns out that the point of this entire segment of the show is actually this trope. The woman was supposed to insult and verbally abuse the two male contestants, and they were supposed to take it without losing their temper, and when she was unable to get a rise out of them, the contest's managers told her to go out and get more aggressive with them. Imagine if the roles had been reversed: a man going out and screaming insults in a woman's face? Detestable. A woman doing it? Fine and dandy. Luckily, the contestant was able to sucessfully sue the show for assaulting him, as he was nearly hospitalized. What was worse is that the video itself became famous, as people apparantly found it ''funny'' that the man "cried like a little baby." Because ''obviously,'' only "babies" find the idea of being beaten black and blue by 20 men to be unpleasant.

12th Mar '13 7:13:20 PM Nohbody

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TV example, not "other"; in a minute all the RL entries are going away as per the "Real Life section maintenance" thread in Long Term Projects forum

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2nd Mar '13 7:38:43 AM MickeyMoose

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Not an aversion, but a straight up example.

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2nd Mar '13 7:21:18 AM MickeyMoose

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27th Feb '13 6:40:48 PM TVRulezAgain

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25th Dec '12 10:19:42 AM Caunion

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* [[http://rt.com/news/hairdresser-turns-robber-into-sex-slave/?fullstory A horrifying example occurred in Russia]] a few years back. A man tried to rob a female hairdresser who knocked him unconscious and tied him up in a utility room. She then proceeded to ''turn him into her personal sex slave,'' raping him for '''three days straight''' and force feeding him Viagra. When questioned by police, she nonchalantly stated that it wasn't a big deal because she had bought him new jeans and even gave him money. Disturbingly, most people seem to treat this case as a joke, saying how "lucky" the man was or how he got what he deserved. The woman has received barely any criticism whatsoever. Yes, trying to rob a store is bad, but so is ''tying somebody up and raping them for three days straight!'' Makes you wonder how people would react if the genders were reversed.
** The Russian police, for one, hasn't treated this as a joke. Both the man and the woman are facing prison time with the woman possibly charged with rape.

28th Nov '12 5:38:27 AM Folamh3

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28th Nov '12 5:37:58 AM Folamh3

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25th Nov '12 4:08:22 PM Silvermoon424

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