History Awesome / TheBible

10th Sep '17 3:26:07 PM tsstevens
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* An understated one, and one that is most relevant today with the commercialism of the church and religion. Jesus comes in to a temple to see it taken over by markets and peddlers, trying to use Him and market His image, and He goes into a rage, flipping tables, releasing animals and pushing the snake oils salesmen and ancient TV evangelists out. [[IncrediblyLamePun Hell]] yeah Jesus.
14th Jan '17 5:50:56 PM tommy1138
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** One of those guys, Lot, has his own that ''very'' few lay people know about, but it'll take some explaining first. It really ought to be obvious to those who read the account that God gave the men of Sodom the dinosaur treatment not for being gay, but for being ''gang rapists''. As everyone knows, rapists do what they do to establish themselves as the more powerful individual ("I'm top dog, and you're my b*itch"), which they tend to attempt immediately with any "new guys on the block," be they new inmates, or travelers who've just arrived at their city. So when these guys saw that there were two such people (who unbeknownst to them were actually angels) at Lot's house, they banged on his door demanding to be let in. Lot responded with "No, my fellows, do not do this, here take my daughters instead." Now, Lot's daughters were unmarried at that point, which in that culture meant they couldn't be older than ''thirteen''. So all in all, This was the equivalent to the men of Sodom demanding to get to fight Chuck Norris, only for Lot to tell them "Nah, you don't wanna do that, here, Fight these two ''prepubescent girls'' instead, they're more your speed."

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** One of those guys, Lot, has his own that ''very'' few lay people know about, but it'll take some explaining first. It really ought to be obvious to those who read the account that God gave the men of Sodom the dinosaur treatment not for being gay, but for being ''gang rapists''. As everyone knows, rapists do what they do to establish themselves as the more powerful individual ("I'm top dog, and you're my b*itch"), which they tend to attempt immediately with any "new guys on the block," be they new inmates, or travelers who've just arrived at their city. So when these guys saw that there were two such people (who unbeknownst to them were actually angels) at Lot's house, they banged on his door demanding to be let in. Lot responded with "No, my fellows, do not do this, here take my daughters instead." Now, Lot's daughters were unmarried at that point, which in that culture meant they couldn't be older than ''thirteen''. So all in all, This was the equivalent to the men of Sodom demanding to get to fight Chuck Norris, only for Lot to tell them "Nah, you don't wanna do that, here, Fight these two ''prepubescent girls'' instead, they're more your speed."
10th Jan '17 12:33:28 AM unwell619
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*** One thing to note, he was sleeping peacefully through it until his disciples woke him up to tell him they wouldn't survive it. If they didn't he would have probably slept through it, storms are nothing to the Son of God.
23rd Nov '16 11:03:20 PM skadooshbag
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Added DiffLines:

**One of those guys, Lot, has his own that ''very'' few lay people know about, but it'll take some explaining first. It really ought to be obvious to those who read the account that God gave the men of Sodom the dinosaur treatment not for being gay, but for being ''gang rapists''. As everyone knows, rapists do what they do to establish themselves as the more powerful individual ("I'm top dog, and you're my b*itch"), which they tend to attempt immediately with any "new guys on the block," be they new inmates, or travelers who've just arrived at their city. So when these guys saw that there were two such people (who unbeknownst to them were actually angels) at Lot's house, they banged on his door demanding to be let in. Lot responded with "No, my fellows, do not do this, here take my daughters instead." Now, Lot's daughters were unmarried at that point, which in that culture meant they couldn't be older than ''thirteen''. So all in all, This was the equivalent to the men of Sodom demanding to get to fight Chuck Norris, only for Lot to tell them "Nah, you don't wanna do that, here, Fight these two ''prepubescent girls'' instead, they're more your speed."
20th Nov '16 1:40:50 PM normal19
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* Ehud, [[FanNickname God's]] {{Ninja}} and soon-to-be Judge of Israel, is sent to deliver tax money to the oppressive King Eglon of Moab. When he arrives, he delivers the money and sends his assistants home. He then announces that he has a secret message for the king, so Eglon sends all of his servants away. When the two of them are alone, he says [[PreAssKickingOneLiner I have a message for you from God!]] and then stabs Eglon. He then escapes by simply walking out the door and locking it behind him.

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* Ehud, [[FanNickname God's]] {{Ninja}} and soon-to-be Judge of Israel, is sent to deliver tax money to the oppressive King Eglon of Moab. When he arrives, he delivers the money and sends his assistants home. He then announces that he has a secret message for the king, so Eglon sends all of his servants away. When the two of them are alone, he says [[PreAssKickingOneLiner [[PreMortemOneLiner I have a message for you from God!]] and then stabs Eglon. He then escapes by simply walking out the door and locking it behind him.
6th Nov '16 12:48:18 AM Mhazard
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* Ezekiel 37:1-14. The Prophet Ezekiel raises a ZOMBIE ARMY.

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* Ezekiel 37:1-14. The Prophet Ezekiel raises a [[CavalryOfTheDead ZOMBIE ARMY.ARMY]]. Yes, ''God himself'' commands his lovely prophet to [[MassResurrection resurrect the dead]] [[note]]by modern day RPGMechanicsVerse, it's [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons True Resurrection]] with flesh and soul given, not your typical AnimateDead spell which only reanimates [[DemBones skeleton army]].[[/note]] before [[{{Necromancer}} video game necromancy]] was a thing!
30th Oct '16 10:28:13 PM Mhazard
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** Also, the famous battle of DavidVsGoliath, to sum it up in modern language: [[CombatPragmatist he pulled out a pistol]] (metaphorically) and shot Goliath in the face!

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** Also, the famous battle of DavidVsGoliath, to sum it up in modern language: [[CombatPragmatist he David pulled out a pistol]] (metaphorically) ([[SufferTheSlings metaphorically]]) and ''[[BoomHeadshot shot Goliath in the face!face]]!''
30th Oct '16 10:24:16 PM Mhazard
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30th Oct '16 10:24:13 PM Mhazard
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* Of course, David himself was no slouch. Way earlier, King Saul told him that in order to marry his daughter Michal, David had to go out and bring back ''[[TwentyBearAsses one hundred Philistine foreskins]].'' David then goes out and brings back ''two hundred,'' for no reason except to prove how hardcore he is. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_p3.html Cracked.com puts it best.]]

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* Of course, David himself was no slouch. Way earlier, King Saul told him that in order to marry his daughter Michal, David had to go out and bring back ''[[TwentyBearAsses one hundred Philistine foreskins]].'' David then goes out and brings back ''two hundred,'' ''[[UpToEleven two hundred]],'' for no reason except to prove how hardcore he is. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_p3.html Cracked.com puts it best.]]]]
** Also, the famous battle of DavidVsGoliath, to sum it up in modern language: [[CombatPragmatist he pulled out a pistol]] (metaphorically) and shot Goliath in the face!
18th Oct '16 4:52:27 PM dlchen145
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** That whole "turn the other cheek" thing? It's a lot more BadAss that it sounds. "Backhanding" someone[[note]] (striking a person across the face with the back of the hand)[[/note]] was used in that day and age to humiliate and devalue ones' inferiors--to "put them in their place", so to speak. Because using the left hand was socially taboo, the right hand was always used for this purpose. Thus, if the person who had just been backhanded turned his head so that the opposite cheek faced his opponent, the aggressor would be forced to hit him with the front of his hand, or his fist...the way that '''only equals''' fought. It told the person abusing you, "I am a human being, and I ''refuse'' to be treated as your inferior--and if you're going to continue beating me, you '''''will''''' acknowledge that."

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** That whole "turn the other cheek" thing? It's a lot more BadAss badass that it sounds. "Backhanding" someone[[note]] (striking a person across the face with the back of the hand)[[/note]] was used in that day and age to humiliate and devalue ones' inferiors--to "put them in their place", so to speak. Because using the left hand was socially taboo, the right hand was always used for this purpose. Thus, if the person who had just been backhanded turned his head so that the opposite cheek faced his opponent, the aggressor would be forced to hit him with the front of his hand, or his fist...the way that '''only equals''' fought. It told the person abusing you, "I am a human being, and I ''refuse'' to be treated as your inferior--and if you're going to continue beating me, you '''''will''''' acknowledge that."
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