History Awesome / TheBible

22nd Sep '16 2:44:03 PM FluffytheDestroyer
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*** Additional context: The particular Greek word used to refer to this special slave was "pais", which, as Greek language studies and contexts shows, basically means "male love slave". Regular slaves were called "dolos". The Centurion even goes out of his way to prove his status by telling Jesus that his slaves (dolos) go when he tells them to. But this slave (pais) was special. He was the Centurion's lover. Jesus is so amazed that he says that ''he had not found anyone else who had such great faith''. Jesus didn't mind that the Centurion was a homosexual, he was simply more than happy that he had such incredible faith. ''What a guy.''
22nd Sep '16 2:38:06 PM FluffytheDestroyer
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* Peter walking on water through the power of his faith in Jesus. This doubles as one of the best analogies for walking with Christ: you'll eventually fall in your walk with him, but he'll be there to catch you.

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* Peter walking on water through the power of his faith in Jesus. This doubles as one of the best analogies for walking with Christ: you'll eventually fall in your walk with him, but he'll be there to catch you.you, so don't doubt him.
22nd Sep '16 2:34:59 PM FluffytheDestroyer
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22nd Sep '16 2:34:45 PM FluffytheDestroyer
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* Abraham gets a CrowningMomentOfAwesome after ReasoningWithGod not to destroy [[WretchedHive Sodom and Gomorrah]] if ten righteous men could be found (Gen: 22-33). This being the [[BlackAndGrayMorality Old Testament]] [[AGodAmI God]] who could have struck him down in an instant, Abraham had a lot of guts. It turned out that there were only three, so God told them to get out, gave them enough time to do so, then killed all the others.

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* Abraham gets a CrowningMomentOfAwesome after ReasoningWithGod not to destroy [[WretchedHive Sodom and Gomorrah]] if ten righteous men could be found (Gen: 22-33). This being the [[BlackAndGrayMorality Old Testament]] [[AGodAmI God]] God who could have struck him down in an instant, Abraham had a lot of guts. It turned out that there were only three, so God told them to get out, gave them enough time to do so, then killed all the others.
7th Jul '16 6:08:19 AM Morgenthaler
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* [[TheObiWan Samuel]] gets one of the best. Saul, in desperate need of military advice, decides to consult the wise old prophet Samuel. There's only one problem: Samuel's dead. No worries: Saul chooses to go to a medium (the Witch of Endor--no, not ''[[StarWars that]]'' Endor--to have Samuel's spirit brought back for a strategy session. Saul himself had decreed that all who consult such mediums will be executed, thus breaking his own law. Samuel's spirit comes forth, tells Saul that the Lord is sick of his behavior, and says that Saul and his sons will die in battle against the Philistines the next day. Needless to say, Saul and several of his sons died in battle with the Philistines the next day (and the other son, [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Ishbaal]], doesn't last much longer). Even as a ghost, Samuel is incredibly awesome.

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* [[TheObiWan Samuel]] Samuel gets one of the best. Saul, in desperate need of military advice, decides to consult the wise old prophet Samuel. There's only one problem: Samuel's dead. No worries: Saul chooses to go to a medium (the Witch of Endor--no, not ''[[StarWars that]]'' Endor--to have Samuel's spirit brought back for a strategy session. Saul himself had decreed that all who consult such mediums will be executed, thus breaking his own law. Samuel's spirit comes forth, tells Saul that the Lord is sick of his behavior, and says that Saul and his sons will die in battle against the Philistines the next day. Needless to say, Saul and several of his sons died in battle with the Philistines the next day (and the other son, [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Ishbaal]], doesn't last much longer). Even as a ghost, Samuel is incredibly awesome.
21st Jun '16 11:44:15 AM Morgenthaler
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* Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, got an [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome honor]] denied to high-ranking Jewish general Barak (because he was too pansy to go into war without [[LadyOfWar Judge Deborah]]). The enemy commander named Sisera flees from a lost battle and barges into Jael's tent. He asks her for a drink and a place to rest and commands her to stand guard against his pursuers; she agrees...and when he falls asleep, Jael calmly grabs a mallet and a tent peg and ''hammers Sishara's head into the ground'', driving the tent peg through his temple and confirming Israel's victory. She then also calmly invites Barak in to see her lovely handiwork. ''Awesome''.
** There is an opinion in TheTalmud that says Jael ''shagged'' Sisera to exhaustion.

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* Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, got an [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome honor]] denied to high-ranking Jewish general Barak (because he was too pansy to go into war without [[LadyOfWar Judge Deborah]]). The enemy commander named Sisera flees from a lost battle and barges into Jael's tent. He asks her for a drink and a place to rest and commands her to stand guard against his pursuers; she agrees...and when he falls asleep, Jael calmly grabs a mallet and a tent peg and ''hammers Sishara's head into the ground'', driving the tent peg through his temple and confirming Israel's victory. She then also calmly invites Barak in to see her lovely handiwork. ''Awesome''.
**
''Awesome''. There is an opinion in TheTalmud Literature/TheTalmud that says Jael ''shagged'' Sisera to exhaustion.
11th Jun '16 7:57:46 PM JamesAustin
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*** Another interpretation says that it wasn't God Himself but ''representative'' of God, and this is even more impressive. The battle ended at daybreak when it was time for all the angels to sing God's praises, but Jacob refused to let the angel go until it would give him a blessing. That's right: [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu he made a freaking ''angel'' cry uncle.]]
** Not only that, Jacob ''won'' even though he had a ''dislocated hip''.
*** He didn't quite outright win. But they were evenly matched after his hip was dislocated. He was allowed to win because it was daybreak, and the guy wanted to leave, to which Jacob replied, "I will not let you go ''unless you bless me.''". He got his blessing. He kept his limping from his hip though.
* Simeon and Levi. Some guy violated a daughter of Jacob, and ''then'' asks his daddy to go get her as his wife. Her father and multitude of brothers are understandably furious. Her brothers tell him he can have her as long as ''his entire city'' gets circumcised first. The city agrees. Three days later, Simeon and Levi go in and slaughter them all while they're still [[strike:recovering]] writhing in pain.
** [[NeverLiveItDown Jacob never forgot about this]], [[WhatTheHellHero so even on his death bed]], leadership of the tribes passed from these two to their younger brother Judah, Jesus' ancestor.

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*** Another interpretation says that it wasn't God Himself but ''representative'' of God, and this is even more impressive. The battle ended at daybreak when it was time for all the angels to sing God's praises, which gives further explanation for why the guy wanted to leave, but Jacob refused to let the angel go until it would give him a blessing: "I will not let you go ''unless you bless me''." He got his blessing. That's right: [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu he made a freaking ''angel'' freaking]] ''[[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu angel]]'' [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu cry uncle.]]
uncle]].
** Not only that, Jacob ''won'' did all of the above described even though he had a ''dislocated hip''.
*** He didn't quite outright win. But they were evenly matched after his hip was dislocated. He was allowed to win because it was daybreak, and the guy wanted to leave, to which Jacob replied, "I will not let you go ''unless you bless me.''". He got his blessing.
hip''. He kept his limping from his hip hip, though.
* Simeon and Levi. Some guy violated a daughter of Jacob, and ''then'' asks his daddy to go get her as his wife. Her father and multitude of brothers are understandably furious. Her brothers tell him he can have her as long as ''his entire city'' gets circumcised first. The city agrees. Three days later, Simeon and Levi go in and slaughter them all while they're still [[strike:recovering]] writhing in pain.
**
pain. Subverted in that Jacob [[NeverLiveItDown Jacob never forgot about this]], [[WhatTheHellHero so even on his death bed]], leadership of the tribes passed from these two to their younger brother Judah, Jesus' ancestor.
19th May '16 3:50:22 PM DoctorCooper
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* The Book of Esther is dedicated to a Jewish girl using [[HelloNurse her]] [[BeautyEqualsGoodness beauty]], [[ManipulativeBastard her charm]] and [[OldMaster her uncle/ward Mordechai's]] wise counseling to win the favor of Persian king Xerxes, marry him, blow the cover of a SmugSnake who planned to kill all the Persian Jews ''and'' save her people.

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* The Book of Esther is dedicated to a Jewish girl using [[HelloNurse her]] [[BeautyEqualsGoodness beauty]], [[ManipulativeBastard [[GuileHero her charm]] and [[OldMaster her uncle/ward Mordechai's]] wise counseling to win the favor of Persian king Xerxes, marry him, blow the cover of a SmugSnake who planned to kill all the Persian Jews ''and'' save her people.



** Don't forget the fact that Haman (the aforementioned Smug Snake) is [[HoistByHisOwnPetard hung from the very gallows which he had built for Mordechai]].
*** Research the definition of [[CruelAndUnusualDeath how]] they [[FridgeHorror hung people]] back then.
** Also, let's not forget Queen Vashti, Esther's predecessor, who was ousted because she refused to appear, presumably naked, at a party for her husband and all his drunk friends. She was so far ahead of her time in the women's lib movement.
*** Actually, she doesn't refuse to come because he wants her naked- the text and commentaries make it plain [[VainSorceress she was extraordinarily vain]]. Vashti refuses because [[RagsToRiches Xerxes was originally a stable boy]] and she feels he's getting a bit too big for his britches by ordering her- a princess now queen- around.
** Oh, and one more thing. Though it is implied in commentary and is the purpose of the entire book, God is never stated to have anything to do with this one. [[SelfMadeMan Esther did it on her own, no miracles involved]]. In fact, this point is frequently emphasized at my own synagogue during the holiday celebrations: God lets people solve their problems if it's at all possible.
*** I dunno...there were a lot of suspiciously convenient "coincidences" that lead up to the finale, and apparently in the original Hebrew, it's written as an acrostic poem that spells out God's name over and over again.
*** It's more like God subtly manipulated events so she could become queen, and Esther used her position to help the Jews. Mordecai even [[LampshadedTrope lampshades]] that Esther was specifically put in her position to help the Jews in their hour of need, [[XanatosSpeedChess as if God saw trouble in the future and prepared a countermeasure in advance]].
*** Well, Esther 4:15-17 indicates that Esther and all the Jews had a period of fasting before she went to see Xerxes. In the Bible, fasting usually accompanied intense prayer to God. So quite clearly, they asked God for help and courage, and He complied. No less brave of Esther, though.



* Gideon destroying an entire enemy army using scare tactics to thin the ranks, then kills the rest with only less than 300 men.
** May I remind you that he started out with 32,000 men. He told everyone who was afraid to fight to go home and was left with 10,000 men. Then, he thinned them out even more by bringing his men to water and watching them drink. He sent the ones who drank from the water like a dog home, leaving only 300 men left. All this so that no one could say that God didn't give them the victory.

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* Gideon destroying an entire enemy army using scare tactics to thin the ranks, then kills the rest with only less than 300 men.
** May I remind you that he
men. He started out with 32,000 men. He told everyone who was afraid to fight to go home and was left with 10,000 men. Then, he thinned them out even more by bringing his men to water and watching them drink. He sent the ones who drank from the water like a dog home, leaving only 300 men left. All this so that no one could say that God didn't give them the victory.



*** Actually, according to the Christian Bible, his "return" had already happened. After the Transfiguration, the Apostles realize that Elijah needed to come againg before the Messiah. Jesus responds by saying Elijah already came. The Apostles realize that Elijah's "return" was purely symbolic and that the person who everyone thought would be Elijah was John the Baptist.
*** That one's actually debated among different Christian groups.
*** While Judaism says that Elijah still comes back every now and then, in different guises, to perform all sorts of miracles great and small.
* Jehosaphat defeating a coalition army by placing a choir in front of his lines.
11th May '16 10:41:02 PM Nylsa
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* Simeon and Levi. Some guy violated a daughter of Jacob, and ''then'' asks his daddy to go get her as his wife. Her father and multitude of brothers are understandably furious. Her brothers tell him he can have her as long as ''his entire city'' gets circumcised first. The city agrees. Three days later Simeon and Levi go in and slaughter them all while they're still [[strike:recovering]] writhing in pain.
** [[NeverLiveItDown Jacob never forgot about this]], [[WhatTheHellHero so even on his death bed]] leadership of the tribes passed from these two to their younger brother Judah, Jesus' ancestor.

to:

* Simeon and Levi. Some guy violated a daughter of Jacob, and ''then'' asks his daddy to go get her as his wife. Her father and multitude of brothers are understandably furious. Her brothers tell him he can have her as long as ''his entire city'' gets circumcised first. The city agrees. Three days later later, Simeon and Levi go in and slaughter them all while they're still [[strike:recovering]] writhing in pain.
** [[NeverLiveItDown Jacob never forgot about this]], [[WhatTheHellHero so even on his death bed]] bed]], leadership of the tribes passed from these two to their younger brother Judah, Jesus' ancestor.



** Even before that, there was a few Moments of Awesome. How about taking down an entire fortress wall with only trumpets and the voice of the army.
*** One of the {{WMG}}'S is that the marching army was just a diversion so Jericho never notices the Israelites infiltrating the city via the wall. When the signal came, they came out, killed the sentries and threw open the gates. Not as iconic as the traditional interpretation but still badass.

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** Even before that, there was a few Moments of Awesome. How about taking down an entire fortress wall with only trumpets and the voice of the army.
army?
*** One of the {{WMG}}'S is that the marching army was just a diversion so Jericho never notices the Israelites infiltrating the city via the wall. When the signal came, they came out, killed the sentries and threw open the gates. Not as iconic as the traditional interpretation interpretation, but still badass.



* Nathan, the court prophet of King David, has arguably one of the greatest WhatTheHellHero moments ever. David had committed adultery with Bathsheba (another man's wife), had gotten her pregnant, and had [[UriahGambit arranged to have her husband killed in battle]] so they could marry. When God informs Nathan of the [[TreacheryCoverUp coverup]], Nathan tells David a parable about a rich man, with lots of sheep, who takes a [[TheWoobie poor man's beloved pet lamb]] and slaughters it for food. Enraged, David says such a man deserves to be killed. Nathan responds "You are the man!" The king sincerely repents and his life is spared, [[WasItReallyWorthIt though he loses his illegitimate child and the rest of his life is made of suck with court intrigues, treason and civil war]]. Keep in mind David could easily have had Nathan killed for this, but thankfully David [[WhatAnIdiot wasn't dumb enough to murder a Prophet of the Lord]].

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* Nathan, the court prophet of King David, has arguably one of the greatest WhatTheHellHero moments ever. David had committed adultery with Bathsheba (another man's wife), had gotten her pregnant, and had [[UriahGambit arranged to have her husband killed in battle]] so they could marry. When God informs Nathan of the [[TreacheryCoverUp coverup]], Nathan tells David a parable about a rich man, with lots of sheep, who takes a [[TheWoobie poor man's beloved pet lamb]] and slaughters it for food. Enraged, David says such a man deserves to be killed. Nathan responds responds, "You are the man!" The king sincerely repents and his life is spared, [[WasItReallyWorthIt though he loses his illegitimate child and the rest of his life is made of suck with court intrigues, treason and civil war]]. Keep in mind David could easily have had Nathan killed for this, but thankfully David [[WhatAnIdiot wasn't dumb enough to murder a Prophet of the Lord]].



** Two ladies come up to him with a dispute of whose baby is whose, one dead, one live. [[JudgmentOfSolomon He solves the problem by ordering the baby shared...]] ''[[JudgmentOfSolomon by cutting it in two pieces]]''. He then gives the unsliced kid to the woman who cried out, "Please, my lord, just give her the living baby! Don't kill him!"
** (Then he also pulls a WhatTheHellHero by multiplying his dad's mistake of having multiple women, by oh a ''thousand'' or so. 700 wives and 300 concubines.)

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** Two ladies come up to him with a dispute of whose baby is whose, one dead, one live. [[JudgmentOfSolomon He solves the problem by ordering the baby shared...]] ''[[JudgmentOfSolomon by ''by cutting it in two pieces]]''. He then gives the unsliced kid to the woman who cried out, "Please, my lord, just give her the living baby! Don't kill him!"
** (Then *** Then he also pulls a WhatTheHellHero by multiplying his dad's mistake of having multiple women, by oh a ''thousand'' or so. There were 700 wives and 300 concubines.)



** Oh, and one more thing. Though it is implied in commentary and is the purpose of the entire book, God is never stated to have anything to do with this one. [[SelfMadeMan Esther did it on her own, no miracles involved]]. In fact, this point is frequently emphasized at my own synagogue during the holiday celebrations: God lets people solve the problems if at all possible.
*** I dunno...there were a lot of suspiciously convenient "coincidences" that lead up to the finale. And apparently in the original Hebrew, it's written as an acrostic poem that spells out God's name over and over again.

to:

** Oh, and one more thing. Though it is implied in commentary and is the purpose of the entire book, God is never stated to have anything to do with this one. [[SelfMadeMan Esther did it on her own, no miracles involved]]. In fact, this point is frequently emphasized at my own synagogue during the holiday celebrations: God lets people solve the their problems if it's at all possible.
*** I dunno...there were a lot of suspiciously convenient "coincidences" that lead up to the finale. And finale, and apparently in the original Hebrew, it's written as an acrostic poem that spells out God's name over and over again.



*** Well, Esther 4:15-17 indicates that Esther and all the Jews had a period of fasting before she went to see Xerxes; and in the Bible, fasting usually accompanied intense prayer to God. So quite clearly they asked God for help and courage, and He complied. No less brave of Esther, though.

to:

*** Well, Esther 4:15-17 indicates that Esther and all the Jews had a period of fasting before she went to see Xerxes; and in Xerxes. In the Bible, fasting usually accompanied intense prayer to God. So quite clearly clearly, they asked God for help and courage, and He complied. No less brave of Esther, though.



* Prophet Daniel's friends Shadrach, Meishach, and Abednego (The Three Hebrews) ''refusing'' to bow before the king's statue. The King sentences them to be incinerated in a "furnace heated ''seven times hotter than usual''", "so hot that the flames killed the soldiers" (who were "some of the strongest soldiers in his army" btw) who threw the three in. Looks like a HeroicSacrifice, except ''they don't burn!'' And of course, since God ''always'' takes it to the next level, the Messiah himself is in the furnace with them. Made. Of. Win.
** Their real names were Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah (a fact that is all too poorly known). Nebuchadnezzar had their names changed (With Daniel being renamed Belteshazzar) to idolatrous names. This could have been out of a subconscious fear of their god, which is awesome in itself.

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* The Prophet Daniel's friends Shadrach, Meishach, and Abednego (The Three Hebrews) ''refusing'' to bow before the king's statue. The King sentences them to be incinerated in a "furnace heated ''seven times hotter than usual''", "so hot that the flames killed the soldiers" (who were "some of the strongest soldiers in his army" btw) who threw the three in. Looks like a HeroicSacrifice, except ''they don't burn!'' And of course, since God ''always'' takes it to the next level, the Messiah himself is in the furnace with them. Made. Of. Win.
** Their real names were Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah (a fact that is all too poorly known). Nebuchadnezzar had their names changed (With (with Daniel being renamed Belteshazzar) to idolatrous names. This could have been out of a subconscious fear of their god, which is awesome in itself.



* Don't forget Daniel's own CMOA as he does something similar. He is thrown to a lions' den... and with some help from God, he manages to [[FriendToAllLivingThings befriend the beasts]]. This is also while he's some maybe eighty years old or so, according to Bible scholars.

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* Don't forget Daniel's own CMOA as he does something similar. He is thrown to a lions' den... and with some help from God, he manages to [[FriendToAllLivingThings befriend the beasts]]. This is also while he's some maybe eighty years old or so, according to Bible scholars.



** Some years earlier, Daniel had another: when Belshazzar calls him to interpret the handwriting that appeared after he had an impious feast with gold sacred cutlery, he basically tells him "God says YouSuck, milord, and tonight you'll know why..."
** Daniel, as a youth, hears about some shenanigans along these lines: A pair of elders have trapped Susanna, a beautiful Jewess, making her an offer she can't refuse by threatening to jointly accuse her of adultery. With each to corroborate the other's lies, things look bleak, until Daniel arrives and cross-examines them on a point of detail: "Under what kind of tree was the act being carried out?" Not having rehearsed their answer to this, [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus unable to tell different types of trees from quite a long way away]], and being questioned separately, they give conflicting accounts, at which it's not only a Not Guilty verdict but summary execution for bearing false witness.
*** Even better, in the original Hebrew text he delivers their sentences in the form of {{pun}}s based on the names of the trees they claimed Susanna was under.

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** Some years earlier, Daniel had another: when Belshazzar calls him to interpret the handwriting that appeared after he had an impious feast with gold sacred cutlery, he basically tells him him, "God says YouSuck, milord, and tonight you'll know why..."
** Daniel, as a youth, hears about some shenanigans along these lines: A pair of elders have trapped Susanna, a beautiful Jewess, by making her an offer she can't refuse by threatening to jointly accuse her of adultery. With each to corroborate the other's lies, things look bleak, until Daniel arrives and cross-examines them on a point of detail: "Under what kind of tree was the act being carried out?" Not having rehearsed their answer to this, [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus unable to tell different types of trees from quite a long way away]], and being questioned separately, they give conflicting accounts, at which it's not only a Not Guilty verdict but summary execution for bearing false witness.
*** Even better, in the original Hebrew text text, he delivers their sentences in the form of {{pun}}s based on the names of the trees they claimed Susanna was under.



*** Note: The above two stories are only found in the Catholic Bible. For the Protestants, they're Apocrypha, but no less awesome for it.
* Saul of Tarsus, later known as the Apostle Paul. Early in life, he was [[KnightTemplar fanatically opposed to the Christian faith]], having as many Christians as he could jailed and executed. After his [[HeelFaceTurn conversion experience]] on the road to Damascus, he applied the same fanatical devotion to [[TheMissionary spreading the Christian message far and wide]]. By his own account, this caused him to suffer "far more imprisonments [than other Christian preachers], with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one [the maximum punishment the Jews were allowed to hand out under Roman law]. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure." Yet he kept on going. The man [[{{Determinator}} just]] '''[[{{Determinator}} could not]]''' [[{{Determinator}} be stopped]].

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*** Note: The above two stories are only found in the Catholic Bible. For the Protestants, they're Apocrypha, but things are no less awesome for it.
* Saul of Tarsus, later known as the Apostle Paul. Early in life, he was [[KnightTemplar fanatically opposed to the Christian faith]], having as many Christians as he could jailed and executed. After his [[HeelFaceTurn conversion experience]] on the road to Damascus, he applied the same fanatical devotion to [[TheMissionary spreading the Christian message far and wide]]. By his own account, this caused him to suffer "far more imprisonments [than other Christian preachers], with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one [the maximum punishment the Jews were allowed to hand out under Roman law]. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure." Yet he kept on going. The man [[{{Determinator}} just]] '''[[{{Determinator}} just could not]]''' [[{{Determinator}} not be stopped]].stopped]]'''.



** Roughly the last 40% of the book of Acts is devoted to Paul's numerous arrests, trials and forced journeys. At one point he demands an audience with the Emperor (he appeals and as a Roman citizen he is permitted to do so). He then uses that free publicity to tell him about Christ. Well played, Paul.

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** Roughly the last 40% of the book of Acts is devoted to Paul's numerous arrests, trials and forced journeys. At one point point, he demands an audience with the Emperor (he appeals and as a Roman citizen he is permitted to do so). He then uses that free publicity to tell him about Christ. Well played, Paul.



** Aaron turning his staff into a snake, the Egyptian priests do the same, but the crocodile eats all of the others. [[labelnote:*)]] The word used for what the staff turned into is ambiguous and refers to several different animals, but another verse implies that it was most likely referring to a crocodile in this instance, not a snake.[[/labelnote]]
* Gideon destroying an entire enemy army using scare tactics to thin the ranks then killing the rest with only less than 300 men.
** May I remind you that he started out with 32,000 men. He told everyone who was afraid to fight to go home and was left with 10,000 men. Then, he thinned them out even more by bringing his men to the water and watching them drink. He sent the ones who drank from the water like a dog home, leaving only 300 men left. All this so that no one could say that God didn't give them the victory.

to:

** * Aaron turning turns his staff into a snake, the snake. The Egyptian priests do the same, but the his crocodile eats up all of the others. [[labelnote:*)]] [[labelnote:*]] The word used for what the staff turned into is ambiguous and refers to several different animals, but another verse implies that it was most likely referring to a crocodile in this instance, not a snake.[[/labelnote]]
* Gideon destroying an entire enemy army using scare tactics to thin the ranks ranks, then killing kills the rest with only less than 300 men.
** May I remind you that he started out with 32,000 men. He told everyone who was afraid to fight to go home and was left with 10,000 men. Then, he thinned them out even more by bringing his men to the water and watching them drink. He sent the ones who drank from the water like a dog home, leaving only 300 men left. All this so that no one could say that God didn't give them the victory.



* Abijah is dismissed in Kings as wicked but Chronicles records the one time he turned to God, allowing him to decisively defeat Jeroboam in battle and keeping Judah's borders safe for the rest of his reign.
* Once, when Paul was preaching, he was bitten in the hand by a poisonous snake that no one had ever survived before. He just brushes the snake off with his other hand without even pausing in the middle of his talk.

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* Abijah is dismissed in Kings as a wicked man, but Chronicles records the one time he turned to God, allowing him to decisively defeat Jeroboam in battle and keeping Judah's borders safe for the rest of his reign.
* Once, when Paul was preaching, he was bitten in the hand by a poisonous snake that no one had ever survived from before. He just brushes the snake off with his other hand without even pausing in the middle of his talk.



* What about Nehemiah? That guy was amazing! He goes up to the most powerful man in the entire world and asks if he can leave his job, for twelve years, to rebuild Jerusalem, with the king's own resources. The city the king had just ''conquered.'' The king could've had him executed for frowning in his presence, and yet that's how much Nehemiah relied on God.

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* What about Nehemiah? That guy was amazing! He goes up to the most powerful man in the entire world and asks if he can leave his job, for twelve years, to rebuild Jerusalem, Jerusalem with the king's own resources. The city the king had just ''conquered.'' The king could've had him executed for frowning in his presence, and yet that's how much Nehemiah relied on God.



* At one point during the Israelites' wandering in the desert, the Midianites decided to attack them by having Midianite girls seduce the Jewish men, thus summoning God's wrath. One guy, Zimri, waltzed his Midianite right by Moses and while everyone else was wondering what to do, Pinehas stood up, took a spear, went to the tent where Zimri and his harlot were doing it, and drove the spear right through both of them. ''Awesome.'' Pinehas was rewarded with eternal life, and according to some, Elijah the Prophet is actually Pinehas, still around thousands of years later.
* And don't forget Nachshon ben Aminadav
** When the Israelites were leaving Egypt, they got stalled at the Red Sea… which wasn't splitting. So the Hebrews broke up into four factions who began to argue amongst themselves as to what to do: follow Moses, commit suicide, go back to Egypt, or pray for a miracle. Nachshon decided to trust in God and keep moving forward (towards the sea) as He commanded. When the water reached his nostrils, God decided that Nachshon's faith was worthy of a miracle and proceeded to spilt the sea.
** He was also the ancestor of King David and Jesus.

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* At one point during the Israelites' wandering in the desert, the Midianites decided to attack them by having Midianite girls seduce the Jewish men, thus summoning God's wrath. One guy, Zimri, even waltzed his Midianite right by Moses and while Moses. While everyone else was wondering what to do, Pinehas stood up, took a spear, went to the tent where Zimri and his harlot were doing it, and drove the spear right through both of them. ''Awesome.'' Pinehas was rewarded with eternal life, and according to some, Elijah the Prophet is actually Pinehas, still around thousands of years later.
* And don't forget Nachshon ben Aminadav
**
Aminadav. When the Israelites were leaving Egypt, they got stalled at the Red Sea… which wasn't splitting. So the Hebrews broke up into four factions who began to argue amongst themselves as to what to do: follow Moses, commit suicide, go back to Egypt, or pray for a miracle. Nachshon decided to trust in God and keep moving forward (towards the sea) as He commanded. When the water reached his nostrils, God decided that Nachshon's faith was worthy of a miracle and proceeded to spilt the sea.
** He was is also the ancestor of King David and Jesus.



11th May '16 10:01:15 PM Nylsa
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** The ''entire universe'' gets created, because He said so.
** The Tower of Babel. Humanity has gathered together and reached its peak, thinking there's nothing it can't do. So how does God respond? He pretty much snaps His fingers and [[BreakTheHaughty Humanity takes a huge step back]], by suddenly not understanding each other.

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** The ''entire universe'' gets created, created because He said so.
** The Tower of Babel. Humanity has gathered together and reached its peak, thinking there's nothing it can't do. So how does God respond? He pretty much snaps His fingers and [[BreakTheHaughty Humanity takes a huge step back]], back]] by suddenly not understanding each other.



** A sort of joint Moment of Awesome for God and Gideon in the book of Judges. The Israelites are up against a ridiculously powerful enemy - and outnumbered. God chooses timid Gideon to lead them - a man who he literally found hiding in a hole. Before the battle, God tells Gideon that he wants the eventual victory to be so awesome that everyone will know it had to be God's doing, and the Israelites to be ''absolutely sure'' they know who's delivering them. So Gideon tells the men they can all leave if they want. Over half the army shrugs and wanders off, but God still says the odds are not bad enough - so God and Gideon whittle it further down to a mere 300 of the original force, judging who stays and who goes by the way they drink, of all things. The final odds are 300 versus "as numerous as locusts" and "can't be counted as like than sand on the seashore". Then, just to [[CrossesTheLineTwice really hammer the point home]], Gideon issues an order that, rather than go into battle wielding weapons, they are to wield [[ImprobableWeapon clay jars with torches in them and trumpets]]. They do as he says, against all logic, and when they charge the enemy said enemy all turn around and try to flee - cutting themselves up with their own swords in the process.
*** A little bit of extra stuff, they did it at night. They sounded the trumpets, smashed the jars, held up the torches, blew their trumpets, and yelled. To the enemy, it sounds like Israel is packing a HUGE army, and then God added to their confusion, which makes the joint armies of the enemies attack each other for betraying them to the Israelites.

to:

** A sort of joint Moment of Awesome for God and Gideon in the book of Judges. The Israelites are up against a ridiculously powerful enemy - and outnumbered. God chooses timid Gideon to lead them - a man who he literally found hiding in a hole. Before the battle, God tells Gideon that he wants the eventual victory to be so awesome that everyone will know it had to be God's doing, and for the Israelites to be ''absolutely sure'' they know who's delivering them. So Gideon tells the men they can all leave if they want. Over half the army shrugs and wanders off, but God still says the odds are not bad enough - so enough. So God and Gideon whittle it further down to a mere 300 of the original force, judging who stays and who goes by the way they drink, of all things. The final odds are 300 versus an army "as numerous as locusts" and which "can't be counted as like than sand on the seashore". Then, just to [[CrossesTheLineTwice really hammer the point home]], Gideon issues an order that, rather than go into battle wielding weapons, they are to wield [[ImprobableWeapon clay jars with torches in them and trumpets]]. They do as he says, against all logic, and when they charge the enemy enemy, said enemy all turn around and try to flee - cutting themselves up with their own swords in the process.
*** A little bit of extra stuff, they did it stuff: the Israelites attacked at night. They sounded the trumpets, smashed the jars, held up the torches, blew their trumpets, and yelled. To the enemy, it sounds like Israel is packing a HUGE army, and then God added to their confusion, which makes the joint armies of the enemies attack each other for betraying them to the Israelites.



*** Soaks the pyre so much that water is filling the runoff trough. And the fire leaves a crater.

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*** Soaks He soaks the pyre so much that water is filling the runoff trough. And the fire still leaves a crater.



*** Then The Isrealites, in their rage at the realization of their fallacy, killed all of them.
*** He once [[Heartwarming/TheBible resurrected a widow's son.]]

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*** Then The the Isrealites, in their rage at the realization of their fallacy, killed all of them.
*** He once [[Heartwarming/TheBible resurrected a widow's son.]]son]].



*** Similarly, when Elijah was having a HeroicBSOD, God put him through [[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan an earthquake, an inferno, and a raging storm]]...but showed up to talk to him in a "small whisper" and reminded him that [[YouAreNotAlone he is not the only faithful man in Israel]], and if he's really burning out then go find himself an apprentice to help him.

to:

*** Similarly, when Elijah was having a HeroicBSOD, God put puts him through [[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan an earthquake, an inferno, and a raging storm]]...but showed up to talk to him in a "small whisper" and reminded him that [[YouAreNotAlone he is not the only faithful man in Israel]], and if he's really burning out out, then he needs to go find himself an apprentice to help him.



** Well, it's like they sing: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RGcb7alSk0 our God is an Awesome God.]]

to:

** Well, it's like they sing: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RGcb7alSk0 our God is an Awesome God.]]God]].



** That whole "turn the other cheek" thing? It's a lot more BadAss that it sounds. "Backhanding" someone[[note]] (striking a person across the face with the back of the hand)[[/note]] was used in that day and age to humiliate and devalue ones' inferiors--to "put them in their place", so to speak. Because using the left hand was socially taboo, the right hand was always used for this purpose; so if the person who had just been backhanded turned his head so that the opposite cheek faced his opponent, the aggressor would be forced to hit him with the front of his hand, or his fist...the way that '''only equals''' fought. It told the person abusing you, "I am a human being, and I ''refuse'' to be treated as your inferior--and if you're going to continue beating me, you '''''will''''' acknowledge that."
** Also, Jesus once encountered a man possessed by multiple demons. The demon-possessed man was bawling his eyes out, begging for mercy. They claimed to be "Legion". A roman legion is 5000 soldiers. And Demons in the Bible are terrifying {{Eldritch Abomination}}s. They were afraid of ''him''.
** John 18:1-9. Judas gets a "band of soldiers" (estimated by Biblical scholars to be around 200) to arrest one guy. Jesus asks them who they seek, and they say "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus says "[[AGodAmI I am]]" [[note]]The Hebrew word in question would've just been "hayahi," not the Tetragramaton but that's lost in translation[[/note]][[note]] of course Jesus didn't speak Hebrew but rather Aramaic a related but different language, and was recorded in Greek. The term used in the Gospels would be Ego Eimei which is an almost direct greek translation[[/note]] and the soldiers fall to the ground. Oh, and he does this to them twice. Clearly showing that he could have pwned all of them if he wanted to. What makes it even better? YHWH (pronounced "Yahweh"), which is how God identifies Himself to Moses, can be literally translated to mean "I am."
*** Picture the setting: the soldiers come into the garden at midnight, lit only by the full moon, expecting a rebellion. They come across a guy standing calmly in the middle of the grove, whom their agent identifies by a kiss. The guy calmly looks at them and asks who they're looking for and when they say, "Jesus of Nazareth," lightly says, "That's me." They jump back freaked out because they're convinced that they must've just walked into a trap if he was so calm about it.
** This double meaning shows up multiple times in John's gospel, almost always followed by the Pharisees getting even more pissed at Jesus.
** Peter, rather understandably, tries to come to Jesus's aid when he's arrested by drawing a sword and slashing the nearest enemy. Jesus berates him, picks up the guy's ear and heals it back on. Then goes with them of his own accord.
** The Apostles see him with the spirits of Moses and Elijah. They described him as glowing white with otherworldly energy like he was a [[Anime/DragonBallZ super saiyan]] or something.
*** Wait, does that mean [[WildMassGuessing Toriyama got this from…???]]

to:

** That whole "turn the other cheek" thing? It's a lot more BadAss that it sounds. "Backhanding" someone[[note]] (striking a person across the face with the back of the hand)[[/note]] was used in that day and age to humiliate and devalue ones' inferiors--to "put them in their place", so to speak. Because using the left hand was socially taboo, the right hand was always used for this purpose; so purpose. Thus, if the person who had just been backhanded turned his head so that the opposite cheek faced his opponent, the aggressor would be forced to hit him with the front of his hand, or his fist...the way that '''only equals''' fought. It told the person abusing you, "I am a human being, and I ''refuse'' to be treated as your inferior--and if you're going to continue beating me, you '''''will''''' acknowledge that."
** Also, Jesus once encountered a man possessed by multiple demons. The demon-possessed man was bawling his eyes out, begging for mercy. They claimed to be "Legion". A roman legion is 5000 soldiers. And Demons soldiers, and demons in the Bible are terrifying {{Eldritch Abomination}}s. They were afraid of ''him''.
** John 18:1-9. Judas gets a "band of soldiers" (estimated by Biblical scholars to be around 200) to arrest one guy. Jesus asks them who they seek, and they say "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus says "[[AGodAmI I am]]" [[note]]The Hebrew word in question would've just been "hayahi," not the Tetragramaton Tetragramaton, but that's lost in translation[[/note]][[note]] of course translation. Of course, Jesus didn't speak Hebrew Hebrew, but rather Aramaic a (a related but different language, language) and was recorded in Greek. The term used in the Gospels would be Ego Eimei "Ego Eimei", which is an almost direct greek Greek translation[[/note]] and the soldiers fall to the ground. Oh, and he does this to them twice. Clearly showing that he could have pwned all of them if he wanted to. What makes it even better? YHWH (pronounced "Yahweh"), which is how God identifies Himself to Moses, can be literally translated to mean "I am."
am".
*** Picture the setting: the soldiers come into the garden at midnight, lit only by the full moon, expecting a rebellion. They come across a guy standing calmly in the middle of the grove, whom their agent identifies by a kiss. The guy calmly looks at them and asks who they're looking for and when for. When they say, "Jesus of Nazareth," Nazareth", he lightly says, "That's me." me". They jump back back, freaked out out, because they're convinced that they must've just walked into a trap if he was is so calm about it.the situation.
** *** This double meaning shows up multiple times in John's gospel, almost always followed by the Pharisees getting even more pissed at Jesus.
** *** Peter, rather understandably, tries to come to Jesus's Jesus' aid when he's arrested by drawing a sword and slashing the nearest enemy. Jesus berates him, picks up the guy's ear ear, and heals it back on. Then goes on before going with them the soldiers of his own accord.
** *** The Apostles see him with the spirits of Moses and Elijah. They described him as glowing white with otherworldly energy like he was a [[Anime/DragonBallZ super saiyan]] or something.
*** **** Wait, does that mean [[WildMassGuessing Toriyama got this from…???]]



** Jesus is crucified between two criminals. One of them, [[ItsAllAboutMe full of bitterness and refusing to admit he has done anything wrong]], insults Jesus and demands that He save all three of them. The other one, [[DeathEqualsRedemption who knows he's done bad things and is getting what he deserves]], simply asks Jesus to remember him. Jesus' response to the second criminal: "Today you will be with me in paradise."
* There is also the moment when the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus in the ultimate rhetorical no-win situation of the day; asking him should Jews pay taxes to the Romans or not. If Jesus said "yes," the crowd would surely turn against him for supporting their occupiers; if he said "no," he would surely be arrested for treason by the Romans. Against all odds, Jesus finds a way to TakeAThirdOption: he asks for a Roman coin and asks the Pharisees whose face is on it. When the Pharisees respond "Caesar's," Jesus simple state "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." Thus Jesus was able to answer the basic question without taking a position and the Pharisees left impressed at how he wiggled out of the trap.
** This story also has another meaning, since the coin was made in Caesar's image it belongs to him, [[FridgeBrilliance in whose image is man made in?]]
** There is also another detail to that exchange: they were in the temple and nobody could use pagan money (i.e.: Roman money) in the temple (hence why there were moneychangers in the temple, so people could exchange their Roman coins for temple-approved ones to use for offerings). Even before [[TakeAThirdOption taking the aforementioned third option]] Jesus showed everyone that the guys who prided themselves on following the Hebrew law to the letter were bringing pagan money onto sacred ground.

to:

** Jesus is crucified between two criminals. One of them, [[ItsAllAboutMe full of bitterness and refusing to admit he has done anything wrong]], insults Jesus and demands that He save all three of them. The other one, [[DeathEqualsRedemption who knows he's done bad things and is getting what he deserves]], simply asks Jesus to remember him. Jesus' response to the second criminal: "Today "Today, you will be with me in paradise."
* There is also the moment when the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus in the ultimate rhetorical no-win situation of the day; day: by asking him if the Jews should Jews pay taxes to the Romans or not. If Jesus said "yes," the crowd would surely turn against him for supporting their occupiers; if he said "no," he would surely be arrested for treason by the Romans. Against all odds, Jesus finds a way to TakeAThirdOption: he asks for TakeAThirdOption. He acquires a Roman coin and asks the Pharisees whose face is on it. When the Pharisees respond "Caesar's," "Caesar's", Jesus simple state states, "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." Thus Thus, Jesus was able to answer the basic question without taking a position and the Pharisees left impressed at how he wiggled out of the trap.
** This story also has another meaning, meaning: since the coin was made in Caesar's image image, it belongs to him, him. So [[FridgeBrilliance in whose image is man made in?]]
in]]?
** There is also another detail to that exchange: they were in the temple and nobody could use pagan money (i.e.: Roman money) in the temple (hence why there were moneychangers in the temple, so people could exchange their Roman coins for temple-approved ones to use for offerings). Even before [[TakeAThirdOption taking the aforementioned third option]] option]], Jesus showed everyone that the guys who prided themselves on following the Hebrew law to the letter were bringing pagan money onto sacred ground.



* While on the subject of Mary, Joseph also gets a good one. He learned that Mary was with child before she married him. Under the Law given in Leviticus, any woman who marries but is not a virgin is to be stoned. It would have been Joseph's right, and even his duty under the Law, to denounce Mary and have her stoned, but instead he decided to save her the public humiliation and divorce her quietly, even if, should anybody find out about this, he would probably also be stoned for failing to uphold the Law. Note that all of this occurs ''before'' they are visited by the angel who tells them about the Miracle of the Virgin Birth. Now ''that'' is love!

to:

* While on the subject of Mary, Joseph also gets a good one. He learned that Mary was with child before she married him. Under the Law given in Leviticus, any woman who marries but is not a virgin is to be stoned. It would have been Joseph's right, and even his duty under the Law, to denounce Mary and have her stoned, but instead stoned. Instead, he decided to save her the public humiliation and divorce divorced her quietly, quietly even if, should anybody find out about this, he would probably also be stoned for failing to uphold the Law. Note that all of this occurs ''before'' they are visited by the angel who tells them about the Miracle of the Virgin Birth. Now ''that'' is love!



** Indeed, a young David had already killed a lion and a bear, with his hands.

to:

** Indeed, a young David had already killed a lion and a bear, bear with his hands.



** It's a theory that Haman, of the book of Esther, is actually a descendant of Agag. He also got his.

to:

** It's a theory that Haman, of the book of Esther, is actually a descendant of Agag. He also got his.his due.



* Nathan, the court prophet of King David, has arguably one of the greatest WhatTheHellHero moments ever. David had committed adultery with Bathsheba, another man's wife, gotten her pregnant, and [[UriahGambit arranged to have her husband killed in battle]] so they could marry. When God informs Nathan of the [[TreacheryCoverUp coverup]], Nathan tells David a parable about a rich man, with lots of sheep, who takes a [[TheWoobie poor man's beloved pet lamb]] and slaughters it for food. Enraged, David says such a man deserves to be killed. Nathan responds "You are the man!" The king sincerely repents and his life is spared, [[WasItReallyWorthIt though he loses his illegitimate child and the rest of his life is made of suck with court intrigues, treason and civil war]]. Keep in mind David could easily have had Nathan killed for this, but thankfully David [[WhatAnIdiot wasn't dumb enough to murder a Prophet of the Lord]].

to:

* Nathan, the court prophet of King David, has arguably one of the greatest WhatTheHellHero moments ever. David had committed adultery with Bathsheba, another Bathsheba (another man's wife, wife), had gotten her pregnant, and had [[UriahGambit arranged to have her husband killed in battle]] so they could marry. When God informs Nathan of the [[TreacheryCoverUp coverup]], Nathan tells David a parable about a rich man, with lots of sheep, who takes a [[TheWoobie poor man's beloved pet lamb]] and slaughters it for food. Enraged, David says such a man deserves to be killed. Nathan responds "You are the man!" The king sincerely repents and his life is spared, [[WasItReallyWorthIt though he loses his illegitimate child and the rest of his life is made of suck with court intrigues, treason and civil war]]. Keep in mind David could easily have had Nathan killed for this, but thankfully David [[WhatAnIdiot wasn't dumb enough to murder a Prophet of the Lord]].
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