History ArsonMurderAndJaywalking / NewspaperComics

* ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes''
** Calvin begs his mother:
--->'''Calvin:''' Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress?\\
'''Mom:''' No, Calvin.\\
'''Calvin:''' Can I ride my tricycle on the roof?\\
'''Mom:''' No, Calvin.\\
'''Calvin:''' Then can I have a cookie?
** In psychology this is called the "door in the face" method of bargaining.
** In an even funnier one, Calvin declared that he wanted to be a radical terrorist and was going to inhale pesticide in order to soften up his mother (who doesn't believe him) before moving in for the kill with, "I'm going to watch TV all night!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work. ("That's what ''you'' think, buster!")
--->'''Calvin:''' You can never tell if they're listening or not.
* Bluff called in ''ComicStrip/FoxTrot'':
-->'''Andy:''' Jason, I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want ''[[UltraSuperDeathGoreFestChainsawer3000 Mortal Karnage II]]'' coming into this house. You have no one to blame but yourself.\\
'''Jason:''' But...but...\\
'''Andy:''' You're too young for this sort of thing. I mean, look at what it teaches: that human disembowelment is entertainment...that "winners" decapitate their enemies...that [[XtremeKoolLetterz carnage is spelled with a "K"]]...\\
'''Jason:''' [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne I know carnage isn't spelled with a "K".]]\\
'''Andy:''' The sad part is, that's the least of my concerns.
* In ''ComicStrip/{{Zits}}'', there was a variation. Jeremy's mother says there's something she wants to talk to him about. He then [[DeadpanSnarker deadpans]] several wild guesses, including "You're having a sex change?" and "You and dad are cousins?" She gets increasingly frustrated and finally yells out, "No! We're changing salsa brands!" "...WHAT??"
* In ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'', there was one that showed the Devil in hell leading people into 3 different doors. Door #1 had a sign on it that said "Homicidal Maniacs". Door #2 had a sign saying "Terrorists". Door #3 had a sign saying "People who drove too slow in the fast lane."
* In [[http://comics.com/candorville/2009-12-03/ one]] ''ComicStrip/{{Candorville}}'' strip, a psychologist is talking about his experiences with gangs: "I thought I knew the evils of gangs. Drive-bys, carjackings, garish bandanas..."
* From the title character of ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'': "Well, Film/KingKong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... but more important, my dish is empty."
** Another example, where both Jon and Garfield are watching television:
--->'''Jon:''' Garfield I have some bad news, I ran out of your favorite cat food.
--->'''Garfield:''' I'll survive.
--->'''Jon:''' Odie chewed up your scratching post
--->'''Garfield:''' Big deal.
--->'''Jon:''' And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie.
--->'''Garfield:''' How could he?![[note]]Presumably, Frank, Marcia, and Stephanie are characters on the show they're watching.[[/note]]
** This in relation to: "My hair's on fire!" "Your dinner will be a teense late." "Why does everything always happen to me?"
* In ''Drabble'', Norman has to explain to his father, Ralph (a mall cop), why he got arrested at the mall.
-->'''Norman:''' I went snorkeling in the fountain.
-->'''Ralph:''' That's not so bad.
-->'''Norman:''' And I jumped up and down on all the beds in the mattress store.
-->'''Ralph:''' A minor infraction.
-->'''Norman:''' And I rode the escalator without holding the handrail!
-->'''Ralph:''' Whoa! Now you're looking at hard time!
* In ''ComicStrip/OverTheHedge'', RJ upset the balance of nature by making Verne popular. And then the Nature Police show up.
-->'''Nature Police:''' You're under arrest.
-->'''RJ:''' What for?
-->'''Nature Police:''' Tampering with a loser, humiliation without a license...and jaywalking.
-->'''RJ:''' Jaywalking!? I was Creator/EdgarAllanPoe for Halloween...He was my pet raven!
* Megan in [[http://shermanslagoon.com/comics/august-7-2013/ this]] ''ComicStrip/ShermansLagoon'' strip:
-->'''Megan:''' I want scars! I want yellow teeth! I want a fish hook in my left nostril and blood-red lipstick... and a little Creator/MarilynMonroe beauty mark right here.
* This little gem from ''Real Life Adventures:''
-->I just ran into the [[TheFourHorsemenOfTheApocalypse Fifth Horseperson of the Apocalypse]].
-->''Horseperson''?
-->Yeah, there's pestilence, famine, war, death, and your ex-wife.
* ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}''
** In one strip, Lucy is yelling at Charlie Brown, who is walking ahead of her:
-->'''Lucy:''' You blockhead, Charlie Brown! Numbskull! Dimwit! Dummy! ''(BeatPanel)'' Smartyboots!
-->'''Charlie Brown:''' ''Smartyboots''??
** In another series of strips, Snoopy [[MrImagination is pretending]] he's an astronaut flying to the moon. When he gets there, he excitedly proclaims, "I beat the Russians, I beat everybody! I even beat that stupid cat who lives next door!"
* ''ComicStrip/BloomCounty'': In the '80s, when an oil refinery crops up in the middle of the meadow, the animals take offence and start blaming then-Secretary of the Interior James Watt:
-->'''Portnoy''': James Watt's behind it!\\
'''Hodge Podge''': James Watt's behind the despoiling of the environment!\\
'''Portnoy''': James Watt's behind global industrialization!\\
'''Hodge Podge''': James Watt's behind the cancellation of ''Lou Grant''!\\
'''Portnoy''': James Watt's behind my aunt's gout!\\
'''Milo''': ...[[LampshadeHanging Let's go, boys, we've lost the momentum.]]
----

-->'''Calvin:''' You can never tell if they're listening or not.

* In one ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'' strip, Lucy is yelling at Charlie Brown, who is walking ahead of her:

-->'''Andy:''' Jason, I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want ''[[LawyerFriendlyCameo Mortal Karnage II]]'' coming into this house. You have no one to blame but yourself.\\

'''Andy:''' You're too young for this sort of thing. I mean, look at what it teaches: that human disembowelment is entertainment...that "winners" decapitate their enemies...that carnage is spelled with a "K"...\\

--->'''Garfield:''' How could he?![note]Presumably, Frank, Marcia, and Stephanie are characters on the show they're watching.[/note]

** Another example:

--->'''Garfield:''' How could he?!

* ''CalvinAndHobbes''

-->'''Calvin:''' Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress?\\

** In an even funnier one, Calvin declared that he wanted to be a radical terrorist and was going to inhale pesticide in order to soften up his mother (who doesn't believe him) before moving in for the kill with "I'm going to watch TV all night!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work. ("That's what ''you'' think, buster!")

* Bluff called in ''FoxTrot'':
-->'''Andy:''' Jason, I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want [[LawyerFriendlyCameo Mortal Karnage II]] coming into this house. You have no one to blame but yourself.\\

* In ''{{Zits}}'', there was a variation. Jeremy's mother says there's something she wants to talk to him about. He then [[DeadpanSnarker deadpans]] several wild guesses, including "You're having a sex change?" and "You and dad are cousins?" She gets increasingly frustrated and finally yells out, "No! We're changing salsa brands!" "...WHAT??"
* In ''FarSide'', there was one where it showed the Devil in hell leading people into 3 different doors. Door #1 had a sign on it that said "Homicidal Maniacs". Door #2 had a sign saying "Terrorists". Door #3 had a sign saying "People who drove too slow in the fast lane."
* In [[http://comics.com/candorville/2009-12-03/ one]] ''{{Candorville}}'' strip, a psychologist is talking about his experiences with gangs: "I thought I knew the evils of gangs. Drive-bys, carjackings, garish bandanas..."
* From the title character of ''{{Garfield}}'': "Well, King Kong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... but more important, my dish is empty."

-->Jon: Garfield I have some bad news, I ran out of your favorite cat food.
-->Garfield: I'll survive.
-->Jon: Odie chewed up your scratching post
-->Garfield: Big deal.
-->Jon: And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie.
-->Garfield: How could he?!

* In ''Drabble'', Norman has to explain to his father Ralph (a mall cop) why he got arrested at the mall.
--> '''Norman:''' I went snorkeling in the fountain.
--> '''Ralph:''' That's not so bad.
--> '''Norman:''' And I jumped up and down on all the beds in the mattress store.
--> '''Ralph:''' A minor infraction.
--> '''Norman:''' And I rode the escalator without holding the handrail!
--> '''Ralph:''' Whoa! Now you're looking at hard time!

--> '''Nature Police:''' You're under arrest
--> '''RJ:''' What for?
--> '''Nature Police:''' Tampering with a loser, humiliation without a license...and jaywalking.
--> '''RJ:''' Jaywalking!? I was Edgar Allen Poe for Halloween...He was my pet raven!

-->'''Megan:''' I want scars! I want yellow teeth! I want a fish hook in my left nostril and blood-red lipstick... and a little MarilynMonroe beauty mark right here.

--> I just ran into the [[TheFourHorsemenOfTheApocalypse Fifth Horseperson of the Apocalypse]].
--> ''Horseperson?''
--> Yeah, there's pestilence, famine, war, death, and your ex-wife.
* In one ''{{Peanuts}}'' strip, Lucy is yelling at Charlie Brown, who is walking ahead of her:
-->'''Lucy:''' You blockhead Charlie Brown! Numbskull! Dimwit! Dummy! ''(BeatPanel)'' Smartyboots!
-->'''Charlie Brown:''' ''Smartyboots??''

* This little gem from ''RealLifeAdventures:''
--> I just ran into the [[FourHorsemenOfTheApocalypse Fifth Horseperson of the Apocalypse]].

-->Jon: Garfield I have some bad news, I ran out of your favorite cat food
-->Garfield: I'll survive

-->Garfield: Big deal
-->Jon: And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie

* Done intentionally in ''CalvinAndHobbes'', Calvin begs his mother:

* In "Over the Hedge", RJ upset the balance of nature by making Verne popular. And then the Nature Police show up.

* In ''FarSide'', there was one where it showed the Devil in hell leading people into 3 different doors. Door #1 had a sign on it that said "Murderers". Door #2 had a sign saying "Kidnappers". Door #3 had a sign saying "People who drive slow in the fast lane."